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cheryl4488 · Apr 13, 2011, 02:52 AM

I was in love with Guy named X and we were in a relationship from past 8 years (we are of same age), I asked him last year if he is ready for marriage (Family pressure), to which he said that he is not fully settled and I might find a better match then him in terms of financial security. Though I was fine with whatever he was doing but I did not want to force him for marriage so we moved apart. We were not at all physically close to each other during that last year, hardly used to say love u to each other but I still loved him a lot. All this took 4 months and during that period I met another Guy named Y he was 9 years older to me, he used to talk me out and used to tell me that I should get out of this depressing relationship and we somehow got close to each other , shared a few intimate moments, used to kiss a lot but never had sex. He gave me strength to move out of the previous relation. He was a nice guy and loved me a lot, and then he went back (forgot to mention - he lives abroad and came only for few months). It's been a year and we talk a lot over the phone. But now the first one wants to get back he is regretting for not taking that step for me, he says he loves me a lot , he tried to move on , tried to date other girls but could not get close to them , I was on his mind all the time.. He swears that he won't take me for granted anymore and expresses love a lot like he never did earlier during those 8 years..

I am confused , what should I do now. I love this guy X a lot , I do get along with guy y but have not been able to love him like the way I did the X guy . I become very selfish with the guy Y... But at the same time I feel very bad , the guy Y is very nice and he will be heart broke. Please help me out.. I feel very depressed and lonely as I cannot tell any of the two of my problem..

adviceishere · Apr 13, 2011, 03:32 AM

you said you love X but you just don't want to hurt Y because he is a nice guy. Your not torn between two lovers, you only love one of them. There is no point in not following your heart and being with X for the sake of not hurting Y... if you do, in the long run you will begin to have resentful feeling for Y because you missed your chance with X. its also not fair on Y to hold on to him, knowing that he loves you and you don't love him. Be honest with him and let him go, he will be free to find someone who does have these feelings for him one day and then you should make your decision with X. this may be a classic case of "you dont know what you've got until its gone"

amicon · Apr 13, 2011, 05:59 AM

Don't string Y along,make a clean break.

As for X,I'd be really careful and take things slowly-swearing one has changed is one thing,he needs to prove it by his actions over a long period.

chuff · Apr 13, 2011, 06:40 AM

From what you write I don't think you shouldn't date either. You don't really seem to like Y at all other then as someone who can pass the time. But if X doesn't know he wants to marry you after 8 years, then I'm not sure he's a guy I'd want to make any more time commitments on.

talaniman · Apr 13, 2011, 07:59 AM

I can't see waiting 8 years for anyone, or anything. I might have been long gone 6 years ago, but for sure the time for waiting for anything is over, and if guy X can't come with it, then he is gone, and Y would have a fair chance.

Sumitkumar7266 · Apr 14, 2011, 10:34 PM

The same thing happens to me and in this case I was Y.. She was with X for 3 years and with me she was for 6 month.. One day X came and she told the same thing that I can't love u as I love X.. Told me sorry and I was also very nice to her.. I let her go but u know what hurts a lot is that gals always think about them.. If u can't love y then why did u started.. what is the wrong he did.. Loving u was the biggest mistake he did.. Ryt?In return what u are going to give him is sadness and loneliness.. My girlfriend went with X and X forced her to break all the contacts with me and she was such a selfish that she broke all the contacts with me.. That gal who used to say me that she can't be without me ever and she loves me and will marry me.. She left me and stopped everything for that X.. This is heart breaking.. for me ,for all Y's.. Move on and give him a chance to be with the gal he loved.. Atleast for him.. Nothing he did wrong that he came second in your life.. It's destiny.. I will always support Y's because I have gone through this phase and it is really very painful... Now it's up to you to break his heart or love him..

talaniman · Apr 15, 2011, 03:35 AM

I think its totally dishonest to pursue someone while you have someone else for any reason. Much better to resolve the problem in the relationship, whether to go or stay, and then have a proper healing so the next relationship is not haunted by the last one.

That would be the fair, and right thing to do, otherwise someone is getting played, and cheated.