[Lonely54]

The details ar After 32 years of marriage and raising 4 children, after the youngest got marraied he said I'm leaving I want a divorce and Im gay, and left to live with his other so left me with nothing no money, no car, and no where to live so I had to move in with my children. So now all I do all day is babysit and go no where do nothing because I cant. When I do ask I have to clean the house to be able to use a car for two to three hours on aFriday night. So Im not able to go and try and get my life back. What do I do... Please can someone help me PLEASE PLEASE

[redhed35]

Are there any assets from the marriage that are yours too? Perhaps seeking legal advice will put you in a stronger position.

You can rebuild, what about getting a job? Or going back to college? Or retraining in something you have always wanted to do?

Doing some research will give you more options, there are always options, but sometimes you have to go looking for them.

Counselling, may help, and also help get your focus back.

You are not a hostage to this situation you are still entitled to be happy and strive for independence, it takes courage and guidance, but you can do it.

[JudyKayTee]

I'm a little confused - are you divorced, separated, something else?

You should have received something in the divorce settlement - you should not have been left with nothing.

What State are you in?

[Lonely54]

This is to Jaykay I am in Calif. And I am just divorced. And 57 years old thnks for the rudeness.

[JudyKayTee]

this is to Jaykay i am in Calif. and i am just divorced. and 57 years old thnks for the rudeness.

What rudeness? I'm somehow supposed to know you live in California?

I'll ask the same rude question again - you left a long-term marriage with exactly nothing in a community property State?

Your version of "no money" may not be my version of "no money."

If it's sympathy you want, not legal advice, post on the relationship board.

[Lonely54]

Red head , thank you for your advice. But I have no transportation to go ge a job or to go to school and I have applied for jobs on line but most want money up front for there programs to start. And I am on most of the job sites in California, I personaly think that because of my age is the problem Im 57 years old and they all say we are sorry there is nothing avavilable for you at this moment, get back ti us in the future. And what assets we had he lost them all before we were divorce and he says he has no money and leaving off his other half. Which I believe because when he found out I could not get a job that's when he said I want a divorce and said he was gay. I have no medical coverage for help and the doctors that could help me want money up front like attorneys do too. So the need for money is apparent but don't really kow how I can do it. With everything againest what I'm trying to do. I'm really up againest the wall. If you have any other ideas please let me know. Lonely54

[DoulaLC]

Lonely,

Are you able to walk to work? Are there any shops, dental/medical offices, supermarkets, fast food places, etc. near by? How about bus transportation? Could one of your children provide transportation... perhaps sharing a car? What skills do you have? What sort of work have you done in the past?

Have you looked into the free/low cost legal aid available in California as well as Medicaid? Did you own a house with your husband? Any retirement assets? Can you find out if he working now (even if he says that he isn't)?

That your children are not supporting you more in rebuilding your life is a shame! Having to clean the house in order to use the car? I am appalled to hear that is the situation that you find yourself in. Do you have any other relatives or friends that you could stay with that might be more supportive?

As far as education, many universities offer online classes, even complete degree programs online. You would qualify for grant money to help pay for your tuition and such. Many will also have programs for women reentering the workforce with many helpful contacts and resources. Contact your local college or university to find out more about it.

Whatever you do, DO NOT put any money out upfront for a job you find online.

[JudyKayTee]

I understand your marriage came apart because your husband is gay. Why is the relationship with your children so bad?

[Jake2008]

I think you need to see a lawyer, if you haven't already. You have not said whether you are legally separated, or divorced.

After 34 years of marriage, I'm assuming there were (are) some assets, and the possibility of support because (again I assume as you didn't say), your contributions to the marriage were as a home maker and stay at home mother.

If he left you, what happened to the matrimonial home (assuming again you owned a home after so many years), bank accounts, savings, and other assets- cars, etc.

It is hard to believe that after three plus decades of marriage, you are left with absolutely nothing.

I think to contribute to your question of how to start your life over, from what you have said so far, needs more understanding in order to advise you properly.

[JudyKayTee]

Jake, read her post again - you missed part of it. She says he lost everything in bankruptcy before the divorce.

Hard to believe absolutely nothing after many years and also estranged from children who use her for babysitting.

Of course, lots of things are posted that are beyond my belief!