[loveher4eva]

Thanks to this site and its posts I am starting to realise everything that my ex was too scared to tell me face to face or even at all! So I am really going to stick to the no contact rule. I have written her a letter stating what I think we both did wrong over the past two years and everything we did right.I am chosing not to send her this letter because it would be breaking the no contact rule even though it would make me feel better having her know how I feel.however what happens if she gets in touch with me? Do I ignore after all the bad things she has said to me lately?

[amicon]

No contact means no contact,so if an ex gets in touch,you ignore them.

Writing a letter and not sending it is a good choice,so stick with it.

[kctiger]

There is a lot of confusion often about the "What if?" scenario. Amicon is correct. No contact means strictly no contact. It's over, let it be over (this goes for both of you).

And yes, props for not sending the letter. Very good decision.

[talaniman]

If you stick to NC, you don't have to worry about what ifs.

If you bump in to them in public, polite, brief (hi & bye), and completely unavailable for anything else they want to discuss.

[loveher4eva]

OK I understand all these are answers for getting over her. I'm not saying I'm considering this its just a curiosity but what if they contact me wanting to getback together? I can understand having no contact when they try getting in touch to avoid further pain but what if she wants what I at the moment want?

[kctiger]

This isn't about avoiding further pain, it is about being able to think straight. The relationship is over and it is over for a reason. If you are doing your own thing and focusing on YOU, then none of this matters.

If she really wants you back, in the FUTURE, when you have both grown and have fresh perspective, then I suppose she will let you know in a straightforward fashion. No contact, or whatever you wish to call it, is really about being able to think straight, and once you can, more often then not, you realize things are better off as they are.

[martinizing2]

ok i understand all these are answers for getting over her. im not saying im considering this its just a curiosity but what if they contact me wanting to getback together? i can understand having no contact when they try getting in touch to avoid further pain but what if she wants what i at the moment want?

How many times do you pick up a hot iron before you realize it will burn you every time you pick it up?

If you both want to get back together it shows you do not learn from past mistakes.
Why would it work now? You learned from how miserable you made each other how to make it work.

You cannot turn off feelings with a switch .
But you can love someone and not be able to be with them .
This is where you are now. You need to understand this and keep no contact before you send yourself back to start this pain all over again.

There is no going back. Stay strong and focused on healing.

[loveher4eva]

OK I understand what your saying and trust me I still think nothing will happen between us but I get the feeling from all this advise that you are all certain once its over its over. I know its only a small percentage of the time that this happens but couldn't a split couple talk it over, work it out and be ten times stronger by learning form your past mistakes? I'm not saying I want this to happen and I will stay no contact I'm just saying people can be stronger from these things and some can just be over. And she may have changed her mind towards the end but she was more happy than misserable over the two years.

[martinizing2]

Couples getting back together and being happy is less than a small percentage.

Out of all the ones I know and know of, there is 0 that have accomplished this out of hundreds and hundreds.

It could happen. I could win the lottery.

I have the better odds.

[kctiger]

Hind sight is always 20/20. You can't fix problems of a relationship if you don't know what your own problems are, or even who you are. If the relationship was going to last, usually you stay together an work through the issues. That didn't happen.

Right now it is easy to say that getting back together would be different this time. But nothing has changed. You both need time to grow from this and decide, without the others influence, if this is something you want.

[talaniman]

I don't see dealing in what ifs as a useful thing, because what matters most is what IS.

I have also learned after a proper healing, most people don't want to go back, they are enjoying going forward. They seem to have found something better than what they had, which was exactly my case, back in the day.

NC is about healing for the purpose of being able to make better decisions for yourself based on facts, and not just feelings. Really simple, what facts do you have that say she has changed her mind, and wants you back, even though you want HER back? We call that false hope, and it's a distraction for clear gathering of facts.

And speaking of facts, SHE DUMPED YOU, instead of working with you to make things work. It's a fact she just wasn't WILLING, so what has changed? And it's a big red flag, when partners are not willing to work with you, but would rather break up. Then the only FACT that remains is healing, and moving on.

Its obvious to us all just as an aside here that your thoughts and curiosity are very typical to the feelings we all have after we go through a break up and the hurt is still fresh. Will you get another chance? I don't know, I just hope you are healed enough to make a good decision for yourself, IF it does happen.

Most that have healed don't want the exes back, despite all the good memories, intense feelings of the past, or the newfound willingness of an ex to try again. Just me, why get dumped TWICE by the same person???

[awayandalone]

Hey man. I haven't been on the site in a few months. I know exactly what you are going through. My ex dumped me 6 months ago an started dating some douche bag guy the very next day. I was fairly devastated, didn't eat didn't sleep an broke NC often. Take it from me. Do not do that, even if it is them contacting you. It gets you into this cycle of false hope that things will work out. I have since successfully been in NC for 4 months and feel great. I've accomplished more for myself in this time than I ever dreamed I could in the 2 years I was with her. Also in this time, she Has tried to contact me. But I came to realize after 2 texts she sent that they were petty stupid reasons that made her look dumb and needy. I no longer care about her life because she has no impact on mine. I may not be dating again but I'm coming to find myself perfectly happy all on my own and being only 21 I still have plenty of years to find someone to be with.

If I can sum that up simply, stick to NC and do everything for you. Do not answer her texts or phone calls. Learn from your mistakes in the relationship and then apply what you learn to a new an better relationship that will ultimately come along.

Right now you probably want back what you HAD, simple fact is what you HAD went away when she broke up with you.
My own thread is pretty long if you want to check out some of the pitfalls and heartache I went through. Stay strong hope this helps.

[loveher4eva]

just woke up feeling a little bit better but still thinking about her every second. She text me last night just saying how is your mum. I did not reply. I hate how she could cheat on me and abbandon me and then want me to text her back it just prooves all along how selfish a person she really is. What is her way of thinking by just randomly texting me like that?

[amicon]

Can you block her number?

Don't fall for any attempts she makes to keep you dangling.

Block her number if you can and if not,delete without reading her texts.

Stay strong,move forward-heal.

[loveher4eva]

Well I did delete her number I just know its her because I know her number when I see it. I don't think my phone blocks numbers and I promise you its impossible not to read a text when you get one lol. I did not text back and I doubt I will hear from her again

[amicon]

Well,I hope she doesn't.

And,yes,you can delete without readin-been there, done that.

Good job n o t texting back! :-)

[talaniman]

This comes down to YOUR dignity and self respect fella. She lies, cheats, plays you for the fool and thinks she can smile in your face and be sweet and you will fall all over yourself.

Thinking about her as you heal is one thing. Giving her what she wants, is quite another. So think about that, the next time she pops in your head.

[loveher4eva]

Well thanks again for helping me. I am so dissapointed with how she has turned out because I do believe she really did love me and that's the sad thing that she cheated when all the way through the relationship she said that's the one thing she would and could never do because her dad cheated on her mum.I just hope one day she really thinks about how much she has hurt me and I know its wrong but I hope someone hurts her the same way so she can know how I feel.but honestly its not just her I miss it's the child that should have been born in the next few week that we lost and her family that adopted me and most of all the girl who once loved me.

[amicon]

That's a lot of grief to handle,but I believe you have it in you to work your way through it.

One day at the time.

[loveher4eva]

I know I just wish I never had to try let go of all this ah sigh what a mess. She does have a sister lol only joking