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Cubuffalo · Mar 27, 2011, 12:53 PM

I have been married almost 18 years and together 22 year to the most loving, caring, sensitive man. I never knew I could find such an awesome husband and father. Five or Six years ago he became a different person. He doesn't want to kiss, have sex or have any fun. He seems so disconnected from not only me but our two kids, who are everything to him, or used to be. We have a son that is 25 yrs. Old from a previous marriage of mine and a daughter together that is 16 yrs. Old. We met when my son was 4 and they have been extremely close and have always gotten along, both of my kids have expressed their concern for him a couple, few, years ago. He finally went and saw a counselor and we all think he is so unhappy because of his job, it caused him to become depressed. She has given him some tools to use or ideas but he doesn't follow through with them. In the meantime, I am so sad and lonely that all I want to do anymore is cry. I love him so much and don't want this marriage to end but I don't know what to do. We have tried marriage counseling and went to one session and he acts like he is happy and everything is fine when we are with the counselor. He says that he is not interested at all in any other woman and I used to wonder about that but I honestly don't know when he would have time to have an affair, so I don't think that has anything to do with it. This is so frustrating to me. I need to know what I can do to help myself to feel better while he is going through this and who knows it may end up that I can't survive like this and our marriage will end. Help!!

JudyKayTee · Mar 27, 2011, 01:54 PM

He sounds depressed. Has he had a physicial lately to rule out health problems?

Cubuffalo · Mar 27, 2011, 02:40 PM

Yes, he had a physical and had all kinds of blood tests ran to rule out the thyroid, testosterone and even a CatScan to rule out lung cancer. I was actually kind of hoping that the thyroid or testerone was going to be our issue but it wasn't. The physician then told him he needed to seek therapy and maybe even try an antidepressant. I am thinking maybe he should try to the anti-depressant because the other isn't working because he isn't doing it. I just need to find a book or I think I need therapy on how I cope with this. Thank you so much for responding.

JudyKayTee · Mar 27, 2011, 04:36 PM

Individual therapy - with the right person - is always helpful. Maybe you can't change him but you CAN change how YOU view things. Good that he had a physical. Would he consider anti-depressants?

The marriage won't end (from what you say) until you move to end it. You obviously love him and want to save your relationship. I'd try counselling alone and see where that leads.

I wish you luck!