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mom99454 · Mar 25, 2011, 06:32 PM

My ex uses drugs when he has our children every other weekend for visitation. My kids don't like that he does them. Can I not allow them to see him if he continues to do drugs while they are in his care? We do not have a court custody agreement. We had a verbal agreement made and the kids live with me and visit their dad alternate weekends.

excon · Mar 25, 2011, 06:35 PM

Hello m:

Without a formal custody and visitation agreement, you can do anything you like with your kids... But, he can too. So, if he comes to get them, you can't stop him.

It's best to get your agreement formalized, then you'll have some TEETH when you want to enforce it.

excon

Fr_Chuck · Mar 25, 2011, 06:41 PM

You don't have to let them go, but then you don't have a court order giving you custody either.

So time to file and use evidence to prove his drug use. And use that as a reason to either deny visits and/or get only supervised visits

mom99454 · Mar 25, 2011, 06:52 PM

Thank you for your quick responses! So, if my children don't want to visit him ( they are almost 13 and almost 16), they don't have to visit him if they don't want to? My oldest child hates visiting him especially when he is using drugs while they are with him.

excon · Mar 25, 2011, 07:00 PM

Hello again, mom:

I said NOTHING about the kids wishes. Where did you get that? I spoke only about yours and his rights. Your kids have NO rights. I said that HE along with YOU have legal custody of your children. If he comes to get them, you can't stop him.

excon

ScottGem · Mar 25, 2011, 07:08 PM

You are missing the point. If he decided to keep them there would be nothing you could do without going to court. You NEED to go to court now and apply for Full custody without visitation or, at least, supervised visitation. And you are going to have prove the drug use.

If you just stop letting them go, he can take you to court for visitation.

mom99454 · Mar 25, 2011, 07:35 PM

No I wasn't missing the point. I understood what you answered the first time thank you. I was just asking another question. I understand that if I choose not to have my children see their father that because it is not court ordered, he can get them if he wanted to. And yes, I am now planning on getting a lawyer and go to court to apply for full custody. I was just asking the other question on behalf of my daughter because she does not feel comfortable being in an environment where drugs are being used, and thanks, I'm pretty sure I can prove he uses drugs, my daughter even smells them on him after he has done them :( and there are other signs that he has been doing them. He's been doing them for years now but this is new to me that he has been abusing them while having my kids in his care.
Thanks for all of your advice! Much appreciated!

JudyKayTee · Mar 26, 2011, 11:22 AM

Originally Posted by mom99454

No I wasn't missing the point. I understood what you answered the first time thank you. I was just asking another question. I understand that if I choose not to have my children see their father that because it is not court ordered, he can get them if he wanted to. And yes, I am now planning on getting a lawyer and go to court to apply for full custody. I was just asking the other question on behalf of my daughter because she does not feel comfortable being in an enviornment where drugs are being used, and thanks, I'm pretty sure I can prove he uses drugs, my daughter even smells them on him after he has done them :( and there are other signs that he has been doing them. He's been doing them for years now but this is new to me that he has been abusing them while having my kids in his care.
Thanks for all of your advice! Much appreciated!

It is NOT true that he can "get them if he wanted to" without a Court Order. He has rights as a father but he cannot ENFORCE those rights (namely, visitation) without a Court Order. It would appear he doesn't have one.

So you refuse to allow your children to visit with him. He then either goes to Court and gets Court-Ordered visitation or he forgets about it for the time being. If he goes to Court, then you PROVE he uses drugs in their presence. You don't make accusations; you prove what you are saying.

I doubt you will get full custody. You may very well be the custodial parent but he will "most probably" still have input as a parent - input on schools, medical treatment and so forth.

I am in NY and the Courts are not awarding sole/full custody unless the circumstances are extreme. Parents have joint custody with one parent being the custodial parent. Visitation is spelled out, as is support. If the non-custodial parent is unfit, that parent has no visitation and limited input. Visitation could be supervised.