[lazybonez]

My boyfriend and I usually have really great sex, though sometimes he seems to get into a slump. I feel that I am an attractive woman. I'm twenty. I have a slender/athletic body, nice sized boobs. I'm not hideous.

Sometimes I feel so loved. It feels like he literally can't keep his hands off me, but sometimes it feels like he doesn't even want to touch me.

For example:

Last night I was all excited for him to get home from work so I got myself all fixed up before he got home. At about 12am he decided he wanted us to lay down and watch a Netflix movie. So he got into his boxer's and got a movie on while I slipped into nothing but one of his football jerseys and a sexy pink thong.

I leaned over him and started to caress him, kiss him, and I told him how I love him. I guided his hand up the jersey I was wearing. I could feel his blood starting to rise. I gave him a light kiss on the cheek, then I lied down so my *** fit just perfectly in his lap. I could literally feel he was turned on at this point. Lol

So I started to do my thing and he started sighing, stopped me, and told me he was "too tired". This is not the first time this has happened. But sometimes we wake up in the middle of the night and have sex, and we stay up late every night. 12am is not unnatural.

Quite frankly, this made me feel very unattractive. Unwanted. I literally told him: Just lay back and I'll take care of you. You don't have to do any work tonight. Yet he still told me no, he was too tired. He said this as his boner poked me right in the ***.

I don't understand. He obviously wasn't too tired, all he had to do was sit back while I pleasured him. He didn't even have to wake up early this morning. He woke up at 10:30am.

I've tried to talk to him about it. He's not one to talk about issues.

[Cat1864]

Is this a new boyfriend or the one you wrote about in November (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-522950.html)?

Most people go through slumps at one time or another. In many cases it is due to being tired, stressed out, on medications, etc. Sometimes, it is just not wanting to put the effort into pleasing another person.

How long do these 'slumps' last? Are there any signs that he might be in a slump before you try seducing him?

Just because his body responded doesn't mean his mind wanted sex. Think of it this way, you don't want sex because you are stressed out about something and your mind just won't let go of the stress. He decides he wants sex and starts playing with you and though your body may react your brain is still thinking about the paper you have due or your grandmother's heart by-pass surgery. He says, "Oh, you don't have to do a thing. I'll do everything just lie back while I use your body to get off." It would probably leave you feeling a bit used because your body was there but you weren't. Essentially he would have used you as a human blow-up doll. In a way, you told him that you don't care if he is there, his body will do. Is that really what you want or think?

Does he show affection in other ways than having sex? Is being together watching a movie, intimacy to him? Do you equate sex with feeling attractive and loved? Can he show/tell you that he loves you in other ways?

There is a book you might want to look into called The Five Languages of Love. It is supposed to explain the ways that people express love and how people with different ways can learn to communicate better. I haven't read it myself, but many people on this site have and recommend it.

[lazybonez]

Thanks Cat. Yes, he is the same boyfriend. You really gave me some insight to the situation. The whole blow-up doll scenario really put things into perspective. I guess I shouldn't feel the way I do.

[Cat1864]

Having the feelings is one thing. What you do with them is another.

Have the two of you worked through the issues that caused the past problems? If not, those issues may be adding to why you react the way you have been to his 'slumps'.

[martinizing2]

Slumps will happen, and this may be all it is.

Being distracted , tired, stressed , or a combo plate

Of a little of each can put you off your game.

If it hasn't been going on a lot or for an extended

Amount of time I would guess he'll be back soon.

You sound like you have a real good treatment

Program ,;) keep that up :rolleyes: and don't get upset if it

Doesn't always work. Nobody bats 1000.

[lazybonez]

Thanks for the input.. but I think there is a deeper issue here.. I can feel it. I've known my boyfriend for over 5 years. He's one of the most horny, sexually driven men I've ever met. Haha. But its not just in the sex. He's so full of rage lately. Its kind of scary to say the truth. I've had to put up with a lot over the past few weeks.

[Cat1864]

If he is 'full of rage', then counseling might be an idea. Sooner than later.

I know you care a lot about him, but don't stay in the house or the relationship if you have even the slightest fear that his 'rage' will boil over and hurt you emotionally, mentally and/or physically.

Believe it or not, it may be better to be apart as you work on the issues than being together and afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.

Get help before you become a statistic. We're here if you want more advice or need to open up.

Please, take care of yourself.