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hcoronel · Mar 4, 2011, 03:05 AM

At age 19 I found out that my first boyfriend cheated on me when I was 15. We were together for 6 months. I broke up with him because his personality had changed. At age 20 I found out that the boyfriend I had for 3 years had cheated on me. I broke up with him a year before because he too had changed. He later explained that he didn't want to hurt me by telling me he had cheated, so he became a complete jerk until I left him. At age 25 I found out that my boyfriend of 4 years had too cheated on me. Now, I'm in a new relationship and I can't help but wonder if he will also cheat on me. I use to be very trusting, but now, I'm jealous and paranoid about any new female. What's wrong with me? Why have all my boyfriends cheated on me? Will I ever trust another man again?

adviceishere · Mar 4, 2011, 08:17 AM

You didn't do anything wrong you just got unlucky with 3 idiots. I can totally understand your worry with your current partner, your going to have to make a choice here, either you stay away from all relationships or just be brave, take a risk and trust this new guy, you have absolutely no reason not to trust him, he is not your ex's! He hasn't done anything to you so you just have to give him a chance and take each day as it comes, fight your jealousy and paranoia, whenever you feel suspicious about him don't jump to conclusions until you can ask him and he can confirm your worries, always give him the benefit of the doubt until or if you are absolutely positive he has cheated. And rememeber this man is probably your knight in shining armer :) tell him all about your past and that you find it hard to trust and if he is a keeper he will have the upmost patience for you.

mystific · Mar 4, 2011, 01:42 PM

Don't go accusing, learn to use your gut instinct.

I believe in things happening in 3's. For yoursake and peace of mind, I sorely hope that is your 3rd and #4 is your prince.

southamerica · Mar 4, 2011, 02:23 PM

you didn't do anything wrong you just got unlucky with 3 idiots

Bingo. Be honest about your past but don't let it dictate your future. Those dummies are your EXES and now it's time to move on. If you let their stupidity rule your life now, then you're still giving them more of your time than they ever deserved. I, too, hope #4 is your knight in shining armor :)

talaniman · Mar 4, 2011, 03:22 PM

How old is this new relationship? How old are you now?

dontknownuthin · Mar 4, 2011, 03:57 PM

It's hard to know if there was any way you could have known these people were cheaters, but it could be worthwhile to look back over these relationships and consider whether you missed some signs.

Also, think back of the kind of feedback and reactions your friends had to each of the relationships.

I find that sometimes people want a relationship so badly, they accept any kind of nonsense excuses and explanations, and will defend the partner against the concerns of friends and family instead of really giving those concerns any real thought or consideration. Not sure it would apply to you or not, but it might be worth a thought.

jakester · Mar 4, 2011, 04:12 PM

My friend, have you considered that perhaps you may be attracted to a certain kind of guy? And maybe, as it turns out, the types of men you may be attracted to and date are of the sort that cheat.

I've known people who have almost subconciously pursued romantic relationships with people who upon further review were very similar but the people weren't aware of the patterns themselves. It may be helpful to take an inventory of the past few relationships. Ask yourself, were there similarities in each of the men (besides the cheating part)? What initially attracted you to them? What was it about them that kept your interest?

When you think of your ideal partner now, what sort of person are you looking for? And how would you go about determining whether the man you are with now fits that description?

You are not responsible for the actions of those who cheated on you. But you are responsible for who you end up with and are with now. Can you learn any lessons from how you went about choosing partners before? What steps will you take now to make sure you are choosing better partners?

I'm asking you a lot of questions to make you think and to encourage you to challenge yourself. It may be purely coincidental that 3 of your previous relationships ended the same way but maybe you have overlooked important signs that would indicate that you are with someone who is not right.

In reality, we can't change others but we can look at ourselves and become wiser people through our life lessons and I hope that for you.

talaniman · Mar 4, 2011, 05:28 PM

I think it's a good sign that you had the sense to dump them when they cheated.

pathfinder_2012 · Feb 22, 2012, 04:04 AM

I don't always think it's a good idea if you have found your past boyfriends have cheated on you, to go ahead into a new relationship and tell your new partner all about what the last one did to you and why you find it difficult to trust. This often back fires and lead to the new boyfriend feeling that you are always looking for them to cheat as well, better to just keep your past to yourself and try not give them a reason to feel you mistrust them.
I use to think in the past it was a good idea to be honest about my past cheaters but sometimes I have also felt I've been my own worst enemy as once they know what makes you tick they can twist the situation to suit themselves and conn you into believing you are the one that has issues!
Good luck with that next new relationship.##