[dv2340]

This is a long story (and rambling in some points haha), so thank you in advance for all who read it.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months. We both go to the same college. She is my first girlfriend and means the world to me. Her past has been much different than mine, like she comes from a dysfunctional family who never support her in anything. Anyway, the first two months of our relationship were fantastic. I was being everything she wanted from a guy. However, winter came and it started to become difficult to do things outside. So, I became lazy and basically treated her more like a friend rather than a girlfriend. Instead of going on dates or me doing anything romantic, we would just sit around our dorms and things got boring.

Now, we get to the present. About a 2 weeks ago, she "reconnects" with an old friend that she hasn't seen since 6th grade. She confessed that she dated him and she has feelings for him still. She also tells me that there have been a bunch of little things that have bothered her about our relationship (which now I know what most of them are.) They have been texting each other all the time, and I really wanted to ask her to stop, but I didn't want to seem too jealous or insecure.

This week, our college is on Spring Break, which could not have come at a worse time, since she decides that she wants to take this break as a break from us to see what she truly wants. This break has opened up my eyes to all the things that I did wrong in our relationship, and I desperately want to fix them. But, she doesn't want to hear any of it right now. Every time I try to bring it up, she claims it stresses her out too much to think about it.

Unfortunately, this break which she claimed was going to be used to analyze our relationship, she has instead used to text/FB this kid non-stop and has even gone over to his house. I hate to admit it, but I got so jealous that I logged onto her FB to see what her and him have been talking about. Basically, it was her telling him how much she wants to "make out and cuddle" with him and what all they are going to do tomorrow when she goes over to his house again.

So basically, my plan was to continue NC until we got back to college and then figure out our relationship then. Because I know what I have done wrong and if I can get us back to what we had a couple months ago, she wouldn't even worry about this other kid. However now that I know what she wants to do with this other kid, I have this nagging feeling that if I can talk to her before tomorrow that maybe I could convince her not to go through with making out/cuddling with this other guy.

I am heartbroken because I still love her, and I believe that she still loves me. She has said in the past that she does love me, and that she tries to hide it the closer we get to each other. She hasn't had any long-term relationships, and we are currently to the point where we are transitioning out of the Honeymoon phase. I know this is fixable, I just don't know what to do. I mean technically we are on a break, but it still hurts to know that she would rather make out with this kid than try to fix what we had.

Again, sorry for the lengthy read, and thank you for any advice! :)

[redhed35]

She is interested in another guy, and as a way for her to 'cuddle' etc without feeling guilty she has asked for a break.

YOUR feelings are stronger then HERS.

You are no longer the man in her life you are an option.

As hard as it is, give her the break a permanent break!

You can't no matter how much you love someone make them feel the same way you do,nor can you change her mind.

She wants to makeout with this other guy, she wants to talk to him and spend time with him, what she does not want is you.

That hurts, I know, but she has all the power and is dictating the terms of your relationship.

Take your dignity and go.

[joypulv]

Your long story is much easier to read than many here!
Key sentence: 'I have this nagging feeling that if I can talk to her before tomorrow that maybe I could convince her not to go through with making out/cuddling with this other guy.'
Wrong. Never ever ever works that way.
She has the bee in her bonnet and needs to go do what she wants to do with this grass-is-greener guy, and if she dumps you for him, you learned something about getting too blasé too fast in a relationship. Of course she might be childishly expecting the romance to last forever as well. Often there's a bit of both. She may come running back to you in one day, one week, one month, 3.5 years, or never. (I just picked those numbers out of the air.)
So... take a deep breath, let her go, and tell her you love her. Leave it at that. Then write all your term papers over spring break while you are grieving so that you will have more time for a social life after it.

[southamerica]

Redhed and joypulv already summed it up very well: she wants to experience excitement and this other guy is how she's going to get it. If you two are getting into the "comfortable" phase, she may not be ready for that. Many young women expect romantic comedies in their relationships (yours truly about 5 years back), or she may just not care as much as you do.

You can't stop or "convince" her to not cuddle and kiss the other guy, you can only control your actions. By letting her take a break and do whatever she pleases ("guilt free") and then coming back to you, you are setting a precedent! Just make the break a break up, giving her the freedom to choose what she will but not the freedom to walk all over you. You seem like a sweet and conscientious person.

[dv2340]

I'm sure that you guys are right, it's just hard for me to face the fact that it is over, when I know that we still have so much potential. I still hold onto hope, because I know that our problems are fixable. I mean everything was good until Saturday. We hung out Thursday and didn't have a problem and she even kissed me goodbye Friday. It wasn't until I was not around that out of the blue everything just started to fall apart.

[redhed35]

You have to be able to trust that just because your not around for a few days or hours that your relationship is still intact, if its not its time to go,because that's not healthy.. at all!

Its more then you not being around it's that she wants out and to see another guy, and perhaps have you in the wings waiting on her.

Don't you deserve more?