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talaniman · Jan 28, 2007, 09:42 AM

Why are you tripping about making friends with an ex? You really need something else to focus on.

LBP · Jan 31, 2007, 01:48 PM

I don't know why it all fell on top of me again, but it's just hitting me again and again as to why it is my ex just has no regard for how I might be feeling... It's so crippling that she could have cared about me once and now just could give a good god damn whether I'm even alive. If I were to die tomorrow, it feels like she'd be happier because she'd have a burden off her shoulders... I'm not contemplating anything drastic, worry not, I'm just expressing how things feel...

I haven't spoken to her in a while and I don't intend to do so but damn... It's just so hard, you know? She'll never reach out to me again. I don't need to know that she loves me. I'm sure she doesn't. I just wish she cared a little bit, maybe worried that I was well. But I know she doesn't even think of me. She doesn't even want me to exist.

Why did she do it? Why did she tell me all those things she told me only to turn it back down my throat as soon as she could, for nothing more than what... Sex with random guys? The ability to flirt without having to feel bad? Was I really so terrible? I feel like the only thing I ever did wrong was not be happy about being dumped... And this is worthy of hatred?

I know I shouldn't worry so much about someone who has treated me so badly but I just think back on her and its like wooden log has dropped on my head...

I try to turn her into a bad person to make this easier for me but I know she's not... I feel like I have to in order to make all this manageable. I wish we could be friends more than anything. It seems so wrong that this all should go into the trash heap over what amounts to maybe some ill chosen words and hurt feelings...

I'm just getting it off my chest suppose, as things feel so heavy all of a sudden... It just feels like the reality of having no relationship with her whatsoever, no friends no nothing, is starting to sink in... Feels like the months of happiness just weren't worth losing my friend over...

ForeverZero · Jan 31, 2007, 02:02 PM

If her not caring is hurting you so bad, imagine what you not caring would do to you. Nobody can be in a long term relationship and just jump out of it and forget about the person. Think of all your exes, you still wonder on some level how they're doing. She's not going to crack, and you shouldn't either. Women are usually more sensitive to this type of thing, and it tends to show when they break up, how they immediately switch to party time mode. She's not even beginning to feel the loss yet. The day will come when all the parties dry up and the random hook ups get old, and then it'll start to sink in. Right now you're paying for it first, but trust me, she will be, just not anytime soon.

You're James Dean right now. The best revenge is living well. Imagine when the day comes that she comes back and you're a rocket scientist astronaut millionare cowboy that turned down carmen electra because you didn't like her taste in music. You need to prepare for the day she tries to get back into your life, because it always happens in some capacity.

talaniman · Jan 31, 2007, 04:46 PM

The good news is You did the right thing to rant here where you can get support and a lot of understanding. Actually it was a great step by you instead of doing something dumb. We all feel your pain. The bad news is you'll have these feelings again. But you know where you can rant and we are here 24/7. Nice rant, by the way, you should feel a little better so hit the gym.

Allheart · Jan 31, 2007, 05:00 PM

Hi LBP,

What a great thing you did here today. Not only did you come here to get it off your chest, but do you know how many people just today that you helped? That feel the same things you are feeling and wonder why? What's wrong with them? By sharing what you were feeling here, you helped others see they are not alone.

These days will come, and it is so very normal. Days like this, help you to really enjoy those days when your heart is a whole lot lighter, and those days are coming.

Getting through a day like today, gives you great strength. Hang in there and remember, you are never alone.

I understand where you are coming from and a whole lot of people do as well!

Copperhead6 · Jan 31, 2007, 05:01 PM

Looks like your getting some pretty good advice so I'll just toss a little in there. Your suffering and pain following a breakup is none of your ex's business. If she was part of your life then it would be but since she is not, it's not. Therefore don't let her see you down and out, and hope that she doesn't call checking on you while you are still in the dumps. It won't make a good impression!

ForeverZero · Jan 31, 2007, 05:10 PM

I'm going to agree with your advice copperhead, but as far as the comment goes, I'm going to say, in the short term. YES BUILD YOURSELF UP FOR THE SOLE AND EXPRESSED PURPOSE OF IMPRESSING HER. At least, when I was in your position (2 weeks ago) that's what I did. When the idea set in that it was never going to show itself to her, I didn't want to do anything but cry. The only motivating factor I had at this point, was her. After a while you begin to realize improvements are improvements. I lost 40 lbs for her. I lost 40 lbs. I lost 40 lbs and the girl across the hall asked me out. Long term motivation will set in, in the long term. For the short term, instead of crying about it or sleeping for 20 hours a day, do stuff that will impress her, and don't ever show it to her. What makes you a better person for her will make you a better person for another girl. In my position, the only thing that motivated me was getting back at her. Eventually I realized that the result is the same, regardless of who you do it for. And right now, it sounds like you need results, because those are what made me realize I was, in fact, better off without her.

So I say if impressing her is what motivates you, do that, but don't ever show it to her. Let her come looking for it. Eventually you'll become self motivated.

LBP · Jan 31, 2007, 08:38 PM

I suppose more than anything I want to know why - why does she think its more worth it to treat me like dirt than to treat me like a friend? Is it really that important to her? Is it worth what she's losing, not just with me, but with my friend and the people who had been close to both of us?

Apparently so.

Copperhead6 · Jan 31, 2007, 09:07 PM

Word to the wise! She is treating you like dirt because she wants some space from you. She may like you or not like you deep down but right now she needs time away. If you can back off for awhile, and you actually were a pretty damn good boyfriend, some time will put you in a better light. You might could even get her back, but you have got to play the cool customer and give her her space, its your only chance. And there are ways to make contact, probably between 3 weeks and 3 months that will give you a better chance. But you have to do it the right way or you have no chance at all. The best thing you can do is forget her for awhile. Her mind still works in your absence and time changes everything. Be a cool customer, not a pressuring one!

talaniman · Jan 31, 2007, 10:55 PM

You just can't explain CONFUSION.

Allheart · Feb 1, 2007, 01:40 AM

Hi LBP,

You are asking, why is she treating you like dirt. Why is that more important to her than treating you like a friend. LBP, you have got to get to the point where you ask an entirely different question:

Why are you still willing do give your heart, to a person, that thinks it is more important to treat you like dirt?

Keep asking yourself THAT question, and try and not put so much energy in to why she does anything. I know it is hard, but you have got to take better care of YOU.