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oliviayao · Jan 30, 2007, 07:37 PM

hi everyone, I'm new to this site, so it would be very sweet of you guys to help me =)

well basically, I've been with this guy in a serious relationship for one year and a month. And we did everything together. We've been through the best and worst of times. In October of 2006, he broke up with me, without a rationale reason, and I broke down. We remained somewhat as friends and I even bought him an $150 christmas gift, just as a token of my appreciation. 2 days before christmas, he posts a nasty humiliating message of me to all of his friends, and reveals one of my most personal secrets. Ever since then we have not communicated. Just about 5 days ago, he messages me over the internet with a really hasty "i'm sorry for everything". I don't believe the apology was sincere, but he stated that he really needed to "get it off his chest".

well, 4 months after the breakup, I am crying and sobbing everyday wishing he would come back to me. He has completely changed and is a totally different guy now. I miss his old self so much, and something inside of me tells me that one day he'll come back. We have not communicated for quite some time now, but my only wish right now is to start over with him. I don't want to get over him. I just need help on how to cope with this situation. Will he ever talk to me again? Does he still care about me? Does he still feel the same way I feel for him? How can I get him to come back to me? =(

thank you so much to whoever read this and is willingly to help me. I appreciate it so much.

Kiddybaby · Jan 30, 2007, 08:02 PM

He has obviously been thinking about what he did to you. He seems to have you on his mind. What he did was not cool so if you wish to forgive him that is up to you. People do make mistakes. How do you know for sure that he has changed? How do you know that when times are bad that he won't share your most intimate and personal secrets again. If he is going to be your boyfriend you want to be able to trust him. Take things one step at a time and see how he is when you are with him if you guys decide to date again. If he broke up with you once for no good reason he may do the same again and if you have no idea why he did it then aren't you afraid that he may break up with you again for no good reason? Have you asked him why the 2 of you broke up to begin with? He may very well break your heart again. Don't be surprised!

Copperhead6 · Jan 30, 2007, 09:20 PM

No No and No is all you need to hear. No one on this website should give you a glimmer of hope about anything good coming from the thought of you two being together and its best that you don't hear it. Hit Geoff up for the low down. You see, you come on here hoping people are going to tell you what you want to hear which is that there is hope, but in reality you should never forgive this person for what he did to you and you just need to toughen out the pain as long as it takes and move on. Being this emotionally unstable will not attract him or any other man back to you! Get a grip and actually show him what he is missing and see if u still want him. Best of luck!

Copperhead6 · Jan 30, 2007, 09:37 PM

You know, I may have been a little harsh on this. 1. He probably thinks about you all the time, you guys were together for awhile and although he is not in your life, he won't forget you. 2. He probably still cares about you, but not near as much as you care about him. 3. You deserve better than this guy, and nothing short of him showing up on your doorsteps with flowers should be acceptable. If you don't want to get over him and want advice on how to cope with loving him then just be prepared to hurt a lot, its kind of good though cause it will make you stronger. ( 8

talaniman · Jan 30, 2007, 10:04 PM

Okay he is sorry and he made a mistake, and have you talked since then? I doubt he is as much into you as you are him and that is so unheathy. Not all people we give our heart to is the right person for us so I think it would be best to leave him alone and work on getting yourself together and be healthy and feeling good without him. It will get better as you get better.

Geoffersonairplane · Jan 31, 2007, 06:11 AM

It is the hope that drags the pain on and on. It is with hope that we deny the reality of the situation.. That deep feeling you have that one day he will come back, is completely normal but that feeling is also holding you in denial of the reality of the situation. I have gone through this too and the pain tore me apart. I spent at least a month not eating properly and losing sleep. I hoped every day that she (my ex) would realise her mistake and come back. It is a horrible feeling and I do understand what you are going through but you must begin your process of letting go and be open minded to the reality that he may never come back. He may not forget you as you did spend a lot of time together but I do think that you were more emotionally invested in the relationship than he was. You should try and find ways to occupy your mind but at the same time open your eyes to this likelihood that this is over for good. Take a look at my first thread if you like, it will show you how I struggled and what advice I was given by such great people here on AMHD. You may be able to compare it to your situation, how I felt and how this compares to how you feel about your situation and you may also be able to absorb the good advice I was given through my pattern of holding on to false hope.

Here is a link:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...elp-39548.html

I am 5 months post breakup with 4 months of no contact and I still hurt inside but not nearly as much as I did when I first came here. The hope was much greater 3 months ago and I think I was in denial of what the reality was. That is not to say that I wonder now or have something inside that says, perhaps she could come back. You are only human but those days of hope do transform into something new and as you progress through the grief, you will begin to accept the reality and the hope will fade. At one point, you may even be scared that you are letting go.

Try to begin to let him go.. Don't get caught up in how long it takes to get through this, sometimes it takes 3 months, sometimes 6 months and sometimes even a year! It depends on what kind of person you are and how emotionally invested you were in the relationship. How long it takes also depends on what positive activities you undertake to help keep your life busy and active. Very Important!

I wish you the best of luck in your journey which is exactly what this is, a long journey!

lilkimintraning · Jan 31, 2007, 06:55 AM

Originally Posted by oliviayao

hi everyone, i'm new to this site, so it would be very sweet of you guys to help me =)

well basically, i've been with this guy in a serious relationship for one year and a month. and we did everything together. we've been through the best and worst of times. in october of 2006, he broke up with me, without a rationale reason, and i broke down. we remained somewhat as friends and i even bought him an $150 christmas gift, just as a token of my appreciation. 2 days before christmas, he posts a nasty humiliating message of me to all of his friends, and reveals one of my most personal secrets. ever since then we have not communicated. just about 5 days ago, he messages me over the internet with a really hasty "i'm sorry for everything". i don't believe the apology was sincere, but he stated that he really needed to "get it off his chest".

well, 4 months after the breakup, i am crying and sobbing everyday wishing he would come back to me. he has completely changed and is a totally different guy now. i miss his old self so much, and something inside of me tells me that one day he'll come back. we have not communicated for quite some time now, but my only wish right now is to start over with him. i don't want to get over him. i just need help on how to cope with this situation. will he ever talk to me again? does he still care about me? does he still feel the same way i feel for him? how can i get him to come back to me? =(

thank you so much to whoever read this and is willingly to help me. i appreciate it so much.

Sometimes if u act like u don't want him back to his face and act like he ant nothen He will try very very hard to get with u if he wants to be with u badlly. :cool: