[pajmfan]

I live in PA and my ex-wife is preparing to remarry in a couple of weeks. My ex-wife and I have an 11-year-old son together. For the last several months, my ex-wife has refused to communicate with me regarding the care of our son, and instead refers me to her fiancé. Even for things such as results of doctor visits, changing schools, pick-ups/drop-offs, she refuses to talk to me. I've tried calling, emailing, texting, etc, and none of these are acceptable. Every time I try to contact her, she has her fiancé contact me and he always tells me that if I want to know something, I have to work with him. Does anyone know if I will be legally bound to deal with my ex-wife's new step-father for issues regarding my son once they are married?

[excon]

Hello p:

It may help if you use the right terminology here.. He is NOT your sons step father, and never will be as long he's not adopted, and he never will be adopted as long as you object... Therefore, he's only her husband... As such, he has NO parenting authority other than keeping peace in his household.

Having said that, you can't make your ex understand that, if she REFUSES to understand it, and apparently, she does... Maybe a judge can. I believe she'd understand a court order specifying the exact nature of the contact, how visits would be conducted, and how information will be transmitted. I would go back to court to seek such an order.

excon

[this8384]

I live in PA and my ex-wife is preparing to remarry in a couple of weeks. My ex-wife and I have an 11-year-old son together. For the last several months, my ex-wife has refused to communicate with me regarding the care of our son, and instead refers me to her fiance. Even for things such as results of doctor visits, changing schools, pick-ups/drop-offs, she refuses to talk to me. I've tried calling, emailing, texting, etc, and none of these are acceptable. Everytime I try to contact her, she has her fiance contact me and he always tells me that if I want to know something, I have to work with him. Does anyone know if I will be legally bound to deal with my ex-wife's new step-father for issues regarding my son once they are married?

Legally, he has no say in anything. The child is yours and your exwife's - not his. You aren't required to speak with him whether they're married or not.

Just to play the devil's advocate, is there a problem with having to speak with him instead of your wife? Ultimately, your goal would be to stay involved in your child's life - it seems that is getting accomplished, so where's the problem?

If it's really that big of a deal to you, you could always take her back to court and get it enforced that she be the one to communicate with you, not third parties. Personally, I think it would be a waste of everyone's time because it already sounds as if things are not very amicable between the two of you and this would just make things more stressful.

[this8384]

Hello p:

It may help if you use the right terminology here.. He is NOT your sons step father, and never will be as long he's not adopted, and he never will be adopted as long as you object... Therefore, he's only her husband.... As such, he has NO parenting authority other than keeping peace in his household.

I have to disagree. As soon as they are married, this man WILL be a stepparent - adoption has nothing to do with it. And stepparent or not, he still has no "legal" rights regarding the child so you're correct in that aspect.

Even so, I think that's a slap in the face of every stepparent, myself included, to say he has "no parenting authority." My stepchildren listen to me as they do their father - in fact, they're better behaved with him and I than with their biological mother. To say that I have "no parenting authority" just because they haven't come from my body creates a huge issue with respect between parents and children.

[onehotmess]

You do NOT have to go through her new husband, boyfriend or bob down the street to get information regarding your child. Sad how some parents do this as it is a clear way to make the other parent feel discredited, unimportant and like a second rate citizen in their own child's life.

It will cause some stress on your ex and possibly even her relationship if you were to request a hearing to modify your agreement to make it so all communication must take place between the parents ONLY. But, surely no more than they are already putting you through.

You will need to spend some money on an atty- request a hearing before a Judge to accomplish this.
If you feel the soon to be step-Father is over stepping his boundaries though and you have Joint Legal Custody you can also request that he not be present at Dr. appts. Or Parent Teacher confrences since with Joint custody in most cases both parents must come to an agreement before anything is allowed or happens and if there is no agreement no action should take place.

[ScottGem]

Has your ex explained why she is doing this? If you understand that it might help.

But no, you are not legally bound to deal with someone who has no legal standing with your child. But if you don't what will happen?

You MIGHT be able to get a court to issue an order that she does communicate with you, but you are going to have to provide a very good reason for not working through him. I would consult an attorney about your chances of getting a court to order that.

[this8384]

You will need to spend some money on an atty- request a hearing before a Judge to accomplish this.
If you feel the soon to be step-Father is over stepping his boundaries though and you have Joint Legal Custody you can also request that he not be present at Dr. appts. or Parent Teacher confrences since with Joint custody in most cases both parents must come to an agreement before anything is allowed or happens and if there is no agreement no action should take place.

And your basis for this statement is.. Why should the stepfather not be allowed to participate in the child's life as well? The court is not going to bar him from interacting with the child simply because the father doesn't "feel" like having him there; there needs to be reasonable grounds if the court is going to prohibit someone from being around the child.

I'm also very confused by your statement, "If there is no agreement no action should take place." Sorry, the world doesn't stop turning just because two people don't agree. Very often, the custodial parent will make decisions for the child(ren) even in cases of joint custody. Joint legal custody means both parents have the right to make decisions for the child(ren), and if they disagree then they can go back to court over it. It doesn't mean the parents sit down and talk about every little thing that happens in the child's life and decide together what's allowable.

[JudyKayTee]

You do NOT have to go through her new husband, boyfriend or bob down the street to get information regarding your child. Sad how some parents do this as it is a clear way to make the other parent feel discredited, unimportant and like a second rate citizen in their own child's life.

It will cause some stress on your ex and possibly even her relationship if you were to request a hearing to modify your agreement to make it so all communication must take place between the parents ONLY. But, surely no more than they are already putting you through.

You will need to spend some money on an atty- request a hearing before a Judge to accomplish this.
If you feel the soon to be step-Father is over stepping his boundaries though and you have Joint Legal Custody you can also request that he not be present at Dr. appts. or Parent Teacher confrences since with Joint custody in most cases both parents must come to an agreement before anything is allowed or happens and if there is no agreement no action should take place.

Obviously you have your own ax to grind here. Maybe your advice is legal in Texas; it's not legal in some other States.

I am a five time stepmother so I am taking this personally. I would assume you are a parent who feels overshadowed by a step parent.

Before you jump all over step parents - "we" are the ones who raise your child on a part-time basis, in partnership with the natural parent. "We" are not all evil; "we" are not all out to get you; quite frankly, a lot of the time life would be easier without "your" behind the scene interference and comments.

A lot of "us" would have preferred NOT to fall in love with and marry a person with children. "We" STARTED our relationship with children involved. There was NEVER a "you and me" time.

Yes, these are "your" children BUT "we" are not the enemy. For that matter, if stepchildren love step parents, why is that such a threat to the natural parent?

I find your legal advice on this and other threads to be biased and, at best, faulty.

[this8384]

Obviously you have your own ax to grind here. Maybe your advice is legal in Texas; it's not legal in some other States.

I am a five time stepmother so I am taking this personally. I would assume you are a parent who feels overshadowed by a step parent.

Before you jump all over step parents - "we" are the ones who raise your child on a part-time basis, in partnership with the natural parent. "We" are not all evil; "we" are not all out to get you; quite frankly, a lot of the time life would be easier without "your" behind the scene interference and comments.

A lot of "us" would have preferred NOT to fall in love with and marry a person with children. "We" STARTED our relationship with children involved. There was NEVER a "you and me" time.

Yes, these are "your" children BUT "we" are not the enemy. For that matter, if stepchildren love step parents, why is that such a threat to the natural parent?

I find your legal advice on this and other threads to be biased and, at best, faulty.

A peek at the thread she started says a LOT about her statements - she had an affair with a married man, got pregnant, and now doesn't understand why she needs to "deal" with his wife. What?

[JudyKayTee]

Out of greenies - and off I go to read!

EDIT: Okay. Now I see the bias against step parents. You're right. She had an affair with a married man; got pregnant; he went back to his wife (first time the wife is "casually" mentioned); now she's got an ax to grind. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ml#post2605537; https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...ml#post2628220

Father had to block the mother of the child from calling him at work. Sad.

This is one of those situations where I admire the wife who obviously is involved in the child's life, an almost daily reminder of her husband's affair.

[notjudgemental]

Wow You all have a lot to say. Lets get back to the issue here. In my opinion, I am dealing with the same situation. My husbands ex wife is doing the samething with his daughter. We have hired an attorney. I would recommend doing that first. Trust me I know when you don't have money to get new shoes how are you to come up with 2000 dollars. Save. Document!! My husband and I are 600 dollars away from going back to court. But we do this to keep the peace with the daughter. We do talk to her new spouce. But when he is disrespectful and yells in front of the kids or calls us names. We stop talking for awhile. We have got a mediator involved to help when we have these times. Again I know I am talking dollar signs here. But what are attorney told us was this. We use her new husbands number to reach his daughter if that is the only number we can reach her on. Then we call the ex wife's number for all other issues concerning the kids. And let me tell you is going to happen. She will ignore your calls, your emails, and when you go back to court. Who is going to look like the parent who doesn't want to co parent. Not you. Keep trying to contact your ex. One thing I would also suggest is this at the end of all communication say and in no way is this harrassement or a threat this is an attempt for open communication concerning my child. I say this because his ex has tried to get him for harrassemnt when he is just trying to talk about his kids. I hope this helped. Keep your cool and be the bigger person at all times. Because it will show in court. Keep fighting for your rights but when they raise their voice keep your calm. Do talks in public places. AND DOCUMENT, keep a journal of every time you speak with your ex, her husband, your child. Keep receipts. Write down pretty much everything. Even down to gas mileage. So when you go to court you can show how you support your child. Good Luck and never talk about these issues in front of the kids. And keep fighting because your ex will try to run you down and talk bas about you in fronyt of the kids. They will try to get you to the place that you just want to give up because of all the drama headache you have to go through.

[JudyKayTee]

What State are you in?

[this8384]

Wow You all have alot to say. Lets get back to the issue here. In my opinion, I am dealing with the same situation. My husbands ex wife is doing the samething with his daughter. We have hired an attorney. I would recommend doing that first. Trust me I know when you don't have money to get new shoes how are you to come up with 2000 dollars. Save. Document!!! My husband and I are 600 dollars away from going back to court. But we do this to keep the peace with the daughter. We do talk to her new spouce. But when he is disrespectful and yells in front of the kids or calls us names. We stop talking for awhile. We have got a mediator involved to help when we have these times. Again I know I am talking dollar signs here. But what are attorney told us was this. We use her new husbands number to reach his daughter if that is the only number we can reach her on. Then we call the ex wifes number for all other issues concerning the kids. And let me tell you is going to happen. She will ignore your calls, your emails, and when you go back to court. Who is going to look like the parent who doesn't want to co parent. Not you. Keep trying to contact your ex. One thing I would also suggest is this at the end of all communication say and in no way is this harrassement or a threat this is an attempt for open communication concerning my child. I say this because his ex has tried to get him for harrassemnt when he is just trying to talk about his kids. I hope this helped. Keep your cool and be the bigger person at all times. Because it will show in court. Keep fighting for your rights but when they raise thier voice keep your calm. do talks in public places. AND DOCUMENT, keep a journal of every time you speak with your ex, her husband, your child. Keep receipts. Write down pretty much everything. even down to gas mileage. So when you go to court you can show how you support your child. Good Luck and never talk about these issues in front of the kids. And keep fighting because your ex will try to run you down and talk bas about you in fronyt of the kids. They will try to get you to the place that you just want to give up because of all the drama headache you have to go thru.

While I can appreciate your frustration with your own situation, I'm confused as to what your "advice" is.

The OP never once stated that his ex-wife was interfering with his relationship with his child; instead, her new husband was the one communicating with him regarding the child. He wanted to know the legality of that.

Your advice is to document everything and to hire an attorney when really, nothing illegal has been done. Sure, they can maybe get a court order forcing the mother to be the one to communicate - and then she's going to be even more spiteful and bitter than she is now.

If you stop talking to your child/stepchild because the stepparent on the other side is immature, you certainly have your own issues. If my husband and I quit talking to his ex every time she began cursing at him/berating him/lying about him, they would never talk - ever. Grow up a little bit.

[notjudgemental]

I can appreciate your opinion. I was giving my opinion on the question. And as to nothing illegal going on. Sure there is. It is denying his rights to be apart of his child's life. And in the in definition of the law on co-parenting it is stated that both parents have the legal right to open communication with their child and with all details concerning school, medical, and or all other decisions concering the raising of his children. Again I can appreciate your opinion. I do not agree with it. I hope you have a nice day.

[ScottGem]

And as to nothing illegal going on. Sure there is. It is denying his rights to be apart of his childs life.

Where do you get that? I saw nothing that indicated the OP wasn't communicating with his child. Only that he wasn't being allowed to communicate with the mother on issues pertaining to the child. Please make sure you read what is being said more carefully.

As to the definition of co-parenting, where are you getting that definition from? Again there doesn't seem to be any restraints on communication only on who the communication goes through.

You are new here. You should take the time to browse around and see how this site works before jumping in.

[this8384]

I can appreciate your opinion. I was giving my opinion on the question. And as to nothing illegal going on. Sure there is. It is denying his rights to be apart of his childs life. And in the in definition of the law on co-parenting it is stated that both parents have the legal right to open communication with their child and with all details concerning school, medical, and or all other decisions concering the raising of his children. Again I can appreciate your opinion. I do not agree with it. I hope you have a nice day.

Wow, good job not reading what was posted. The OP(father of the child) clearly stated that he has access to the child's life but that he is kept appraised of it via the child's stepfather - he wanted to know if he could "force" his ex to be the one to communicate rather than using her husband to do it.

I'd love to see what "law" there is regarding co-parenting. Do you have a statute you could cite for us? Each custody agreement varies depending on state law and individual case; there's not a cut-and-dried rule for each family case in the court.

And finally, the only person speaking their "opinion" is you. Everyone else here quoted fact & law. This is a law board and our answers here must conform to the law, not what you "feel" like answering.

[notjudgemental]

There is a book I would like you to look up. Child Custody made simple understanding the laws of child custody and child support. It is by Webster Watnik. This book is a very good book for the person who started the thread. I hope what I have said and the book I have suggested helps. Good Luck and this8384 God Bless you. And have a nice day.

[ScottGem]

I disagree. I looked up Mr Watnik's book. While it appears to be a decent guide for parents breaking up with children involved, I don't see it having much value for the OP.

I also don't see any support for your definition of co-parenting.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, in some co parenting, one parent may not ever talk to the other parent, due to desire, or even legal restraining orders not to have contact. Contact between parents may often be done though various go betweens.

Also there is a line between being informed of the child, and being informed of family plans with the other household

[JudyKayTee]

There are books and there is law - I see no connection between a book written for the masses, wherever they may be, and specific situations.

I see nothing concerning this situation in Mr. Watnik's book and even less about the law.