[Funmonk1]

In a relationship with a younger girl, 8yrs gap, its powerful how we connect, relate and have nonsense fun with each other, we like a lot of similar things and are opposite as well. We're both in love, quite scary how we connect. Sometimes she looks at other guys, it only bothers me when she does it when we're together, so I look at girls, we've discussed the issue and she understood it was disrespectful (its natural to look I understand this though I don't do it in front of her) I also try and keep a distance so that she can experience life and get to know herself as well just as I'm doing. We both know our individual priorities re uni though I have trust issue from previous experiences of losing a parent and a long term relationship. I trust her though these issues are affecting the relationship and overcomplicating things. Abit scared of opening up, letting the old guard down and then being hurt.

[Eileen G]

I think one essential thing to know here is what age you and your girlfriend are.

[Funmonk1]

28 and 19

[Eileen G]

That's a nine year gap, and at your ages it's quite significant. I presume she's a student? And you've probably been working and independent for a long time, and had a history of different relationships?

The fact that she's looking at other men is probably an indicator that while she really likes you and is enjoying herself, she's not ready to make a long term commitment to you.

I would enjoy the time you spend together, but keep things light.

[Funmonk1]

It may help as well that as I lost a parent then I'm cautious and scared of rolling with it, as it seem serious and scares us both abit how well we relate, communicate an get on, we both feel ourselves with each other when none of this crap of mine isn't in the way, Think I'm just scared of giving fully again and losing it though I'm also aware that she has a lot to experience and I don't want to impede that. Why does sometimes the kmost enjoyable things turn out to be the challenging things!lol


Thanks for your quick reply, yes we're both students. Relationships, only had one before. Whilst this one its weird, we respect and value each other's individuality and independence. We're also going for a city break soon. Age between us isn't a problem.

[talaniman]

Such is the way of life, that's why we go slow, with caution, and awareness. At least we should.

[Funmonk1]

Talaniman, words of wisdom that I agree with on a logical level though when it comes to matters of the heart then I feel it's a different ball game. I believe that people come into peoples lives for a reason, enjoyment, growth, experience, fulfilment, adventures. My girl proceeds with caution re inner things as that's her nature whilst I just get stuck in, its an interesting combo, guess finding balance is key to life in general. On a personal note I mentioned I have trust issues of lossing a person I care about, any sugguestions on how to deal with these better?

[talaniman]

QUOTE by Funmonk1;
Talaniman, words of wisdom that I agree with on a logical level though when it comes to matters of the heart then I feel it's a different ball game.

This is where balance begins, between the head, and the heart, as life is a risk where you cannot know what the outcome of your decisions will be all the time.

I believe that people come into peoples lives for a reason, enjoyment, growth, experience, fulfillment, adventures.

Sometimes we have to accept that its possible that as they appeared in our life for whatever reason, they can also leave for whatever reason. Or no reason at all. That's just how it is sometimes.

My girl proceeds with caution re inner things as that's her nature whilst I just get stuck in, its an interesting combo, guess finding balance is key to life in general.

That, and keeping it real with your expectations, and having a life without her, that you enjoy with friends, and activities that make you happy, and you look forward to.

On a personal note I mentioned I have trust issues of losing a person I care about, any suggestions on how to deal with these better?

Stay balanced, focused, cool calm and collected and don't get carried away by your feelings and act, or speak, without due process of thought.

In time you develop a routine that becomes a part of you as you will gather facts before you act, and facts are what balance your FEAR.

Events in our lives sometimes test our coping skills, and fear of what could happen, makes us cautious and aware, or overly cautious, and afraid.

Fact is we are afraid to take a risk again, but the honest truth is that we KNOW that life can throws us curves, and reverses, so a healthy person knows his risk will either be rewarded, or failure.

Being willing to take a risk, and fail, is courage, and fact is after failure, we get back up and keep trying, and that is what gives us the courage to face our fears, the reward of success.

That's why we look at all the fact, in the face of intense feelings, as we make decisions, and in this way we overcome our fears, and not get carried away by feelings.

But we are human, we make mistakes, and sometimes they hurt, but we cope with them, and grow learn, and do better.

[giantxtc]

I'm 48 and she's 28..

Thanks