[butterflies19]

I am 23yrs old and my fiancé is 24, we have been together for 5 years, we were just like any other couple in the beginning and then we had out first child who is now almost 3yrs old, since he was born my partner changed toward me. There is limited affection toward me and when he is affectionate it only seems to be about sex. I have tried to make him more interested, waited on him hand and foot, showed him more affection but nothing has made a difference. He spends a lot of time playing his xbox 360, which makes me angry, I frequently imply that he is immature which only makes it harder for myself. He also has a habit of staying at his friends house overnight, I don't think grown men who have a family should be doing these things. We have a lack in communication, he doesn't seem to understand how his actions are affecting me emotionally. We are also expecting another child, and I feel as though he is not really interested in what is happening, he would just prefer to come home from work and hop on his xbox straight away. What can I do to get my fiancé involved in his families life? Most of the time I feel like a single parent also raising a teenager, I'm stressed and feel very much alone. Help me please!

[ken007nielsen]

Well from what I've been reading here, it certainly sounds like he lost interest in his family life, and playing his xbox instead. That's unacceptable, that needs to change right away.

I think you should take a pen and a piece of paper, and write down what's bothering you and how it makes you feel. Then have him sit down and have a long chat with you, preferably uninterrupted. He needs to understand that if he continues this kind of behavior this relationship it's not going to work, because of the way it makes you feel.

Relationships is basically about being together through thick and thin - and you're the only one participating isent really a relationship then.

So basically you need to chat it trough, and if he's unwilling to change, then you need to offer him and ultimatum.

[butterflies19]

Thank you, I will definitely try this, I'm willing to do anything to save our relationship, especially for the children's sake. An ultimatum... I've been thinking that myself, I'm just scared as to how he will react to that. Ill give it a shot. Thanks

[ken007nielsen]

I know how that feels, being scared of the reaction. I have been that too, but really you shouldn't - because if we use our common sense, and propose changes because the current isn't making us happy. And your loved one isn't willing to change, does he really care for you then? And do you want to be in a relationship honest to god with someone that doeset even give you the time of day?

I'm pretty sure you don't, but it's very very hard to make such a demand if you really don't want to loose them.
But it is nessercery because continuing like this your going to be in a world of hurt.

The ultimatum is if he's unwilling to change, I wouldent open with it. But be very clear that it needs to change because he's upsetting you on a daily basis.

[talaniman]

It think its fairly normal to have your concerns as a very young family, but since you cannot force someone to act a certain way, then you can take more control over you being happy. That means talking, and sharing of responsibilities, so you both can do your part, and both get satisfaction for your contributions. You don't say whether you work outside the home or not, nor how he works, but you do have to make adjustments for both sides to have an equal say in how you define your family life, and build a satisfying social life, that fits you both.

It's a lot of work, so talk and listen to each other, and get the rules agreed upon, so you both get something, and have a nice home life.

One partner cannot dictate to another, it should be you both working together, and giving each other time and space to adjust t each other, and your world.. That's not easy, and cannot happen in a day. It's a continuing process with small victories, overcoming many obstacles.