[missinmybabes]

Everyone that I talked to prior to my court date on that dreaded January 7th told me not to worry about losing custody of my children that I was an excellent mother and the kids are well taken care of and happy, but that horrifying thought of losing them lurked in my mind. I only thought only drug abusing, abusive, alcoholic women lose custody of their children. To my dismay that is so very untrue. I am a loving, caring nurse, mother, girl-friend, child, aunt and sister that doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, and has never even experimented with drugs, but my children were taken from me by their father, whom hasn't paid anything in means of support for his children for the entirety of their little lives. I have volunteered and taken bereavement pictures at no charge for numerous families that have lost their infant children and have become very successful as a nurse becoming one of the top one hundred nurses of in my area, worked at very prestigious hospitals in the United States. During court it seemed as if details and lies became entangled and there was no one there really searching for the truth. I never thought I would be involved in a custody war with my ex husband. It is funny how blind you are to what corruption can do to a human being that you had once loved. To sit there in a courtroom as a judge is in his chamber and watch a man bow his head and pray, knowing he is praying that he is rewarded custody based on the lies he told and twisted can just make you lose all hope in humanity. To look a woman in her eyes that is representing this man that was only a barely a weekend father and know that she is trying to rip you apart and destroy you as a person is just wrong on so many levels. Anyone that is a mother and stands behind a man regardless of if he is her son to rip two beautiful thriving little boys from the mother that has been there and held their little hands when they got their vaccinations, went through labor with no medication just because she wanted them to do better at birth, and have stayed up many of nights with vomiting and fever holding them close and making them just feel better because she was there, is just absurd to me knowing she was needed when raising her children. They call little boys momma's boys for a reason because they need their mothers. Life sometimes isn't fair and I know this. To say I have been through a lot in my life would be an understatement, but never once did I think I would have the one thing I had hoped and dreamed my whole life for taken away from me. To have this happen based on the fact that my child had six unexcused absences from school and twelve tardies and possible lived in a home that domestic violence had occurred. There is a reason behind everything and everything happens for a reason. My oldest son had never been to daycare prior to starting school and school has been hard for him to get used to and sometimes he is difficult to get going in the morning time. He gets frustrated with school because he feels like the other kids are smarter than him and it intimidates him and makes him not want to go. There had been mornings that the oldest would be completely ready for school and about to walk out the door and he would urinate on himself. I would have to bathe him and clean him up and put fresh clothes on him. There were times he would do this en route to school and we would have to turn around and go back home. Yes, I admit some mornings that he was late it was my fault due to having to stay at work late or oversleeping but he would always get there whether he was late or not. The days of school he would miss would be due to him being sick or not feeling well and one of those days was because his father kept him out of school after I was served with papers and refused to give them back based on the fact that he had something he wanted me to sign and this was his way of getting it done. I know how important an education is and that is why I went to school and made a career for myself. The domestic violence was never that and I believe when they hear that they think I am just a delusional battered woman, but this is so far from the truth. It was an altercation that escalated and the only way I knew how to deal with it was to call the police. I was never hit or beaten nor was I harmed by him in anyway. Yes, I did have a scratch on my face but that was because I scratched myself. Yes, he did try to get the phone from me only to try and calm me down without getting anyone else involved. Neither one of my children were there and neither one of them witnessed any of it. Once the police arrived an officer and my boyfriend got into a verbal argument due to the officer yelling and cussing at him and the officer stated that he was going to take him in on whatever he could and that is how he got charged with disturbance of family which was later dismissed at court cost. This one isolated incidence is what they are able to take my children away from me on? They didn't look at the fact their father tells them that I lie to them and that Santa Claus doesn't exist with any of the other magical holiday characters, or the fact that while I was giving birth naturally to both children while he sat on the couch and watched television, or the fact only months prior to him filing for custody he told me he was seriously thinking about moving to Ireland because the kids didn't like him and he didn't see staying here just because of them, or the fact that he put a potty trained four year old little boy in diapers every weekend he was with him because he didn't want him to make a mess, or the main fact that he didn't support his children their entire life and I maintained everything meaning insurance, clothing, shoes, school supplies, recreation, and shelter. To say the kids and I are very close just seems like an understatement. We do so much when we are together such as: go to the movies, go skating, ride horses, go to the zoo, go to museums, play board games, play games on the computer, have movie days, play with toys together, dance around the house being silly, and just plain have safe, fun, family time. My heart aches every time he rips them away from me and their home, the only home they have ever known. To watch both little boys cry and beg to stay with their Mommy just breaks my heart into a thousand pieces. To hear your six year old little boy make you promise to never stop fighting for him and your five year old beg you to please Mommy just come pick me up, is something I never thought would ever hear out of my children's mouths. Please help me, anyone please, I cannot go the rest of their little lives waiting for the next twelve days when I can see them again.

My oldest son is having behavior problems since temporary custody was awarded three weeks ago. He is angry, hitting and being violent towards his little brother. Their father spends less three hours a day with the children and two days out of the week it is less than that. He is taking the youngest to a babysitters house throughout the week when he told the judge that his family would be watching them. Since the custody was awarded, my boyfriend, whom they focused on, is no longer living with me nor are we together. Their father is treating me like I am nothing and he is better than everyone around him. He hasn't been letting me talk to them after he said he would. He told me that he would let me be a bigger part of their lives only after he received full custody of the kids.

I have a lawyer and she seems too busy to help me. She pretty much has just said that I need to just keep a record of everything he does, take lots of pictures, and get involved in doing things at the school. I just feel like my children are suffering over there and being toted around to any and everyone.

I guess my questions are:

1. When would be best to go back to court?
2. Do you think having the boyfriend move out and not being with him anymore will make a difference?
3. Is there anything else you can suggest that I do?

[ScottGem]

I'm sorry, but there is too much info here to go through the whole thing. This should have been condensed.

Fortunately you detailed your questions. So first I would get another attorney if you are unhappy with this one. But it seems to me she gave you good advice. Second, there is probably some rule about how soon you can re-open the case. This will vary by location so your attorney should be able to tell you this.

I will add that you spoke about the father lying in court, but did you offer proof they were lies? Get a copy of the hearing transcript. Go over it and highlight any lies in the testimony. Then see if you can provide CONCRETE proof that they were lies. Pass this proof by your attorney to see if it is proof the court will accept. A lie is not a lie unless it can be proven under the rules of evidence that it is a lie.

Lastly, you mentioned "temporary custody". Usually temporary custody means that it's a trial period and will be revisited by the court in a specified time frame. So its likely a hearing to make the custody arrangement permanent or to rescind it has been scheduled. If that is the case, then you have to wait for then.

[missinmybabes]

I'm sorry Scott. I had written it after everything and I thought it told the whole story better than a condensed version.

Here is a more condensed version:

My ex and I have been separated going on five years now. He hasn't ever paid any child support or any sort of support really for our two children. He has gotten them on Saturday and returned them on Sunday over these years. We had a trial time of working things out for about four months and he left us in a state thousands of miles away to return back home because it wasn't working out. I had a boyfriend the for about a year that was living with my kids and I. He was staying home watching them on the nights I worked because he was unable to find work. My ex dropped the kids off or picked them up with him there at times. Well my boyfriend and I got into an argument neither kids were there and I called the police because I didn't know how else to de-escalate the situation. He has a past with cops because of some issues from childhood with his step dad being a cop. Anyway, he got arrested for disturbance of family that was dismissed at court cost. He never hit me or hurt me in anyway. I ended up reconciling with my boyfriend and he came back home. The ex decided to file for divorce and custody two months after the incident. The ex's lawyer made it seem like the kids are being exposed to domestic abuse. They also focused on the fact that my oldest son had five unexcused absences and was late twelve times.

The judge gave him temporary custody and did not grant him child support. He made him drive 45 minutes to take the child to school and pick him up everyday. Did not allow him to change schools. He told him that it was a temporary situation and that life should be perfect as he expected it at my house and without any help.

Thank you for your response. Again, I am sorry about the book up there and just didn't know what to leave out and what to post.

My lawyer also told me to sleep with him and everything would be null and void. Is that true?

[ScottGem]

Ok, That is much better and gives me a better take on things. Courts are very sensitive to domestic abuse situations. They don't want children placed in harm's way. But the fact that the judge made it temporary AND refused to allow a change of schools is a VERY encouraging sign for you.

The court can't tell you to get rid of the boyfriend, but I think you were given a very strong hint. So the fact that you have may very well swing things back. I know its going to be hard for a while. But wait for the review and document everything. And I think it will turn out all right in the end.

As for the sleeping with your ex, its possible that resuming relations could void the order, but that sounds weird and I would not compromise your principles like that. It could backfire.

[cdad]

Something Im going to add here. Your ex boyfriend wasn't cleard of charges against him. It shows in the fact that he paid court fees. So if he told you he was cleared it was a lie. And that is why it can and was used against you. More then likely he pleaded no contest and was let off with a fine of court fees.

When is your next court date? Since this was temporary then a date should be set for a hearing or a trial. Another thing that doesn't bode in your favor is the issues with school. You need to figure out how to do a better job on that if you want your children to return to you. Have a plan for it.

[ScottGem]

Good points

[AK lawyer]

Again, I am sorry about the book up there and just didn't know what to leave out and what to post.

I don't need to add to what Scott and 'dad said because they more-or-less nailed it. But let me give you an example of what to leave out:

[your boyfriend] has a past with cops because of some issues from childhood with his step dad being a cop. Anyways, he got arrested ...

You see, we really don't have any possible need to know why your BF got in an argument with you, or why he has a past with cops, do we?