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BlairMaldonado · Jan 28, 2011, 09:54 AM

Hello. So I had my daughter 3 years ago and I was married and he was in the army.. he got out we moved home and we started arguing separating.. my daughter and I moved in with my parents and left him. I started getting really depressed and not taking good care of my daughter like I should have been.. my parents decided to take temp custody of her until I got my life back on track. That was about a year and a half ago. I am now about to move into a house that my job (property mgmt) is letting me stay in for free to manage the property. My boyfriend and I are about to get married and we both have pretty all right jobs. I would like to go forward with getting her back to living with me and having full custody. How do I start doing this process??

Eileen G · Jan 28, 2011, 10:34 AM

Start by talking to your parents. It sounds like they are looking after her, and if you can convince them that you will look after her properly, you shouldn't have problems with the legal end.

How much time have you spent with her, and have you been paying child support to them?

BlairMaldonado · Jan 28, 2011, 10:54 AM

Yes in most cases I'm sure that would be the most obvious thing to do but I am really worried about my mother. She has grown extremely attached to her. It almost seems like sometimes she thinks that's her daughter? So I am thinking that this is going to be a battle even though they told me at the beginning that when the time came it would be all right. Things seem to have changed since then. When I go to visit my mother does not like to let me do anything besides play with her and when I ask about anything that is going on she just gets defensive and asks "Why do you want to know??". I have just recently been able to start paying child support for about the last 3 months but didn't pay at all before then :/ I spend a lot of time visiting and tyring to make my connection with my daughter.. as much as possible considering. She knows who I am and she always tells me that she wants to come home with my fiancé and I. she has also grown to love him and tells him that she loves him.

Eileen G · Jan 28, 2011, 01:25 PM

I can certainly see how she would have become extremely attached to your daughter, and protective of her, in the year and a half she's had her.

It might be an idea to talk to your father and get him to understand why you are now ready to be a good and stable mother to your child. And keep reminding her that you are grateful for all she's done, and she won't lose contact with her granddaughter just because she will be living with you.

Spend lots of time with her, keep sending support. It would be best if this never goes to court. Apart from anything else, you really need loving grandparents in the background to provide support when necessary. My own mother absolutely refused to even babysit any child in diapers.