[quiche1]

My boyfriend broke it off with me 2 weeks ago, he tried to do it by phone, but when I did not want to talk about it, he emailed me, very abruptly. I answered rather directly that I agreed, yet 1 week later, I did email him, about how sad I was that I did not treat him well and how I sabotaged the relationship. Which frankly I did.
I have known him for 3 years and have been pushing him away for all those years, for though I liked him a lot, I did not like the fact that he was over weight by 70 pounds.
He came back the 3rd time, very much in love with me, and since I always had great sex with him, lots in common and a great friendship, I decided to move forward with him. He knew that the weight was a problem with me, so he told me that he was going to loose it, by exercising, dieting etc, and that it was for him, not just for me.
I could not leave him alone to do it. He did not like that I was trying to fix him up, so he would make a comment, that I was creating a list, I became controlling and critical about it, which of course put him off.
I realized that his weight bothering me was really my own self-esteem issues, for I am out of work, and being relentlessly harassed by my landlady (another story) and felt like my life was out of control. We both are loners and have not been in relationships for a long time.
I am 55 and he is 56. He is a terrific guy, quirky, creative and very interesting. I did not appreciate him when I was with him and have been pushing him away for years, I really pushed him away this time, and when I felt him not longer in love with me. I started having abandonment attacks, which made me look needy and that of course pushed him away more.
I wrote him an email and explained to him these things, without begging him to come back, and it is only a week since, I intend to leave him alone. I owe him some money, which I do not have right now.
I am looking for an opportunity to see him, working on my self-esteem and my looks, thinking positive and ready to accept him the way he is.
Is there anything else I can do to get him back?
He is one of a kind.

[rosemcs]

Three years is a very long time to be pushing someone away and still think it might work. What really would change that you would not continue to do this? It was either a gut feeling, or an emotional heart feeling, or both that made you feel that he is not what you want.

You said you are "ready to accept him the way he is." Are you settling? That is what friends can do for each other, but not what lovers desire.

[Devorameira]

I think everyone wants to be loved and accepted just as they are. To be blunt, if someone constantly put me down, I'd leave too. I think you should move on and let him find someone. It does sound like you're "settling" and you'd still be uncomfortable and a little embarrassed about his weight.

[I wish]

He already came to you 3 times and the result was the same each time.

You can tell him how you feel, but it's up to him if he has it in him to give you a 4th chance.

If he does give you that chance, then you're going to have to change some on your behavior, because if nothing changes, your relationship will just blow up again.

However, it doesn't seem likely that he will come back to you. I wouldn't sit by the phone waiting for him to call. It's time to move forward with your life. You had 3 years to make it right. Now you have to face the consequences of your actions. Learn from your mistakes.

[talaniman]

I was shocked when you revealed your ages, as it sounded like a young couple who couldn't deal with their issues in a mature way.

How about apologizing for being a worrisome nag, and appreciate the guy some.

Not trying to be harsh, but always pushing someone away, will tend to make them stop trying, and leave you alone, and rightfully so.