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anaconda1818 · Jan 27, 2011, 04:58 AM

I have a girl friend, we have been dating for 3yr 6months. The problem is our parents. Her mother reported us to the church leaders saying that I shouldn't be dating her, we are related! Well then at a time we didn't have anythng to defend ourselves and therefore we told them that we are breaking up but we didn't. We continue dating and they find out and started fighting us. I once told her to ask her mother how she feels about us dating and she said she doesn't have problem but hey if people start talking she just agree with them and get upset with us.Even my parents ended up not liking the idea of us dating. Every one now is talking even people who are not suppose to talk they are talking and that drives my girlfriend crazy. She always try to break up with me and comes back. I love her and I think she loves me too. I went home last week to talk to my parents about us, my mom said she can't chose for me but she doesn't like her and that makes it difficult because I need their support especially when it comes to lobola. I find out that me and my girlfriend we are not related at all and I did tel them but hey now they just don't want her.what to do? Keep my parents happy and be said for the rest of my life? Or upset my parents and be with her happy for the rest of my life? I don't... any ideas I love my parents I would like them to be part of my life or our life I should say.

joypulv · Jan 27, 2011, 05:11 AM

How old are you both? What religion/country/culture? What is lobola? How is it you are related one day and then not? Related how close?

If you are young adults and still letting your parents support you, then that's your own doing and you have to live with what they do or don't want. If you truly love each other AND are mature enough to stand on your own, you tell your parents that you are adults and have to go with what you feel and believe, and they need to respect you. If they don't agree, you leave.

anaconda1818 · Jan 27, 2011, 05:21 AM

I am 23 she is 20. I am an Engineer and she is still studying at college. Related how close:you that thing if your surname is Nkosi you don't have to date any one of that surname.but I findout that there are different Nkosis and we are not of the same origin

Fr_Chuck · Jan 27, 2011, 06:10 AM

No, people with no relationship at all can have the same surname, how are you actually related ? Is your mother and her dad cousins, or something ?

What religion ?

I wish · Jan 27, 2011, 08:42 AM

There are going to be lots of consequences for dating someone that you are related to. You can't change how others will feel about you, it's whether you can live with your decision.

talaniman · Jan 27, 2011, 10:20 PM

Lobolo - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Why not wait until you are independent enough to do as you please, and can pay your own lobola?

You have waited this long.

joypulv · Jan 30, 2011, 06:34 AM

I agree, you presumably have a good job and can wait until you can pay her parents.
I live in a rural area where many of us have the same unusual last name, and we ARE related, but so far back that it's meaningless.
As an engineer you can draw a tree of what happens when several generations of the same name branch out. It's incredibly wide. Perhaps you can convince the church elders that cousins 10 times removed share only the tiniest drop of blood.

anaconda1818 · Jan 31, 2011, 07:38 AM

Thanks, that's encouraging