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    ibolar's Avatar
    ibolar Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Feb 13, 2009, 02:19 PM
    My friend is chosing her baby dad over me.
    I know when you have a man that you want to be with them all the time, this is my problem. Her and her baby's dad with each other for over eight years. As long as I known her I've known him. When they first had their child she was at home taking care of their child while he was gone fishing with his friends all the time and all hours through the night. I had always been their for her when she complained about him. I never talked bad about him, but she is tell me that he is talking bad about me. Sometime me and him would get a long, but I think he hated the fact that she could call me when they were having problems and I even heard him say if I pick her up that he was going to hurt me. I even let him stay at my apartment for two weeks straight and didn't ask for anything and even after that he would stay at my apartment when I was at work. Pretty much for the whole eight years I have been taking care of her and when I finally got my apartment I let her move in with me rent free and I would let her boyfriend stay. That was the time me and him got along pretty good. Then all of a sudden she moves out to be with him. Come to find out she has told her boyfriend lies about me. I still stayed friends with her after she stole from me. When they get into a fight that has something to do with me it wouldn't even be my fault and then she would be mad at him and then should leave with him. The last draw is when she told him a lie that nobody should ever lie about to him and that's when I ended it. What do you think is her problem? She says she is not in love with him but they do have a child together that they do not have? She constantly lies to make herself look good.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #2

    Feb 13, 2009, 02:41 PM
    You sound like a very loyal friend, but you've been all used up by those two.

    When you are the only one giving, and they are only taking, the relationship is unbalanced, and unhealthy.

    You have to stop and think about who's needs are being met.

    Get out a pencil and paper, and list all the pros of your relationship with each of them, then list the cons- be as honest as you can, no excuses for their behaviour.

    A good friendship is equal most of the time. It is respectful, and honest. Both parties benefit from the mutual give and take.

    When it is, or becomes, a heavy burden, and obviously beneficial only to the ones taking from you, then there is no friendship, and its time to get out.

    Easy call to make? No. But, if you choose to stay involved with them, you have only yourself to blame.

    Good luck.
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Feb 13, 2009, 03:02 PM

    It sounds like you was more of a good friend than she was to you. It' never good to get caught up in someone else's drama because in the end you get the blame. When my friend calls me in the middle of an agrument with her boyfriend I hang up the phone because I bail her out one time and after the smoke cleared she went right back to him and is still haven't the same issues with him. Then she tries to call me up in the middle of their dispute with the "let me tell you what he did mess". The next thing she hears is click.

    This so called friend of your done lied and stoled from you so there is no need to question her actions because actions speak louder than words. It would be in your best interest to stay from her because it's obivious she don't know how to be a friend nor realize when she has a true friend.

    You did nothing wrong here but tried to help in a friend in need but some people don't appreciate that or just take what they can get, they're called users.

    Move past her and watch out for people because sadly to said there are a lot of snakes up there.

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