[J_9]

Please don't put words in my mouth. I never called you a pedophile, now did I?

[husky004]

Comment on J_9's post

Yeah, but a ton of people here have, and it was nice to get some positive stuff for once

Comment on heyitsemi's post

Thank you, this has made me feel better

[Alty]

I think that if the girl is willing herself and he's not forcing her into anything, and he's clarifying that he's not touching, I think it's okay. It's just hugging, holding hands, and kissing. People do that normally anyway. I don't think he's going to touch her or anything. It's just my opinion. If they really like each other, I don't think people should be mean about it because it's not any of our choices. It's their choice and you can't really stop love.

The girl is a child! He is 2 years away from being an adult in the eyes of the law. She's two years away from even being a teenager!

Also, did you read what the law says? Kissing and hugging in Australia, with their age difference, isn't okay. You can have an opinion, that's fine, but when your opinion is against the law, you really shouldn't be advising someone to go for it.

I also want to add that an 11 year old doesn't have a choice who she gets to date. She's a child, and she's subject not only to the law, but to what her parents allow. If this 11 year old were my child and I found out she was dating a 16 year old, kissing him etc, she'd be locked in her room until she was 18 and I'd see the young man behind bars.

[Bunnyrabbit2310]

The age of consent for sexual interactions is 16 years.

[J_9]

The age of consent for sexual interactions is 16 years.

So that makes it illegal for the girl in question who is only 11!

[husky004]

Can you both please keep in mind that sex is NOT an option for us for at least 7 more years, we know that

And that's IF this relationship even happens

[Curlyben]

A reminder for everyone from earlier in this thread.

A 16 year old "dating" an 11 year old, while not illegal, would NOT be looked at favourably by the powers that be.
This is very close to child grooming, which IS an offence.

Also as the OP is in Australia and not UK the child protection laws are a lot stricter..

[husky004]

To be honest if you were locking your daughter up for following her emotions then I'd have to say that's bad parenting. Someone shouldn't be punished for something they may not understand

[J_9]

Comment on Altenweg's post
To be honest if you were locking your daughter up for following her emotions then I'd have to say that's bad parenting. Someone shouldn't be punished for something they may not understand

It's not bad parenting... it's effective parenting. There is a difference.

[husky004]

Yes, someone already pointed that out

[Cat1864]

I said she was the type of child that pedophiles prey on because of her vulnerability and I stand by that. I still stand by her needing parental love not romantic love.

I also said that I think you have the best intentions to keep it non-sexual at this moment, but I also know that good intentions don't mean anything when people get carried away with kissing, hugging, and hand-holding. Hands can wander where they shouldn't and 'sex' covers more than intercourse.

You are at an age when sexuality can go from non-existent to raging. Just because you don't think about sex much today doesn't mean you won't tomorrow.

Comment on Cat1864's post

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You have a good point, but it doesn't change the way I will feel about her or visa versa. And I realise this is a stupid thing to do. but for once i'm going to follow my heart and not my brain.

Following your heart is what can lead you into trouble, but you don't want to hear that, do you? You want to hear 'go for it'.

I have said that you should be friends. However, I am now wondering how you met and became involved if she is house-bound for a mysterious condition. I think there is a lot you haven't shared that could make your situation even worse.

All I want is for the both of you to get the help you need. The help that you seem to acknowledge but not want to put your neck out for. Instead, you seem intent on keeping both of you in the same pit of depression that you are in now. That really doesn't sound very protecting or loving to me.

[ScottGem]

I've just read through this whole thread. First, only ONE person called you a pedophile and I think that comment was off base and inappropriate.

Just as inappropriate as your potential relationship with this girl.

You posted this in the Teens forum. Had you posted this in a law forum, the rules for responses would have been different. By posting here you opened your question up to more opinion based responses.

But you asked for facts and got them. But you also got a lot of very good opinions and advice and a few not so good responses. The response from Athos was way off base as I said. The response from Helen was NOT good advice. For every person who successfully developed a relationship with such an age gap there are many, many more that end in tragedy. And frankly, I don't count getting pregnant at 15 to be part of a successful relationship. As for Heyitsemi, I suspect he is another teen who has no clue about reality, just like you.

Based on all you have told us, this is my take. The two of you are not in love, you just think you are. An 11 yr old has no real conception of love. And given what you say about her family situation and depression issues, she is latching on to you to fulfill needs she has lacked and that is NOT a good basis for a long term relationship. You, on the other hand exhibit a lack of maturity. This is evidenced by your refusal to talk to your parents and your refusal to listen to the opinion of anyone who disagrees with you.

You are both still under your parents control and cannot make your own decisions (another immature and false assumption on your part). Either her parents or yours or both can keep you apart legally. And you would be breaking laws by going against their wishes.

Finally, your protestations about not engaging in sex is another sign of immaturity. You have no conception about how quickly cuddling and kissing can get out of hand as hormones take over.

So the bottom line is this is an ill conceived and ill fated relationship. If you choose to continue it, I predict it will not last and you will both be hurt and you mightr find yourself in serious legal hot water. Since this is only a possibility at this time, according to you, make it an impossibility.

[husky004]

I didn't come here expecting people to say "go for it". If they were going to comment I would have liked something like, if you're going to do it then make sure you know your boundaries and don't cross them

[Alty]

to be honest if you were locking your daughter up for following her emotions then I'd have to say that's bad parenting. Someone shouldn't be punished for something they may not understand

Protecting your child from a predator is bad parenting? How do you figure?

Also, you admit that an 11 year old doesn't understand, yet you still want to date this child? Does that make sense to you?

Here's a fact for you. I was prey, and I have to live with what was done to me for the rest of my life. The person that molested me (it wasn't dating, it wasn't mutual, it was molestation) was younger than you, closer in age to your "girlfriend". I refuse to allow that to happen to my kids, and if monitoring everything they do, being active in their lives, making sure they don't make decisions they aren't ready to make, saves them from the nightmares I have to live with forever, then so be it.

An 11 year old cannot make decisions regarding romantic love, because they don't have the capacity to do so, even if they're mature for their age, their brains haven't fully developed, they don't understand the consequences of dating, especially of dating someone 5 years older then them.

Even 5 years from now your relationship will be wrong. She'll be 16, you'll be 21, adult and child.

So once again, I ask you, are you willing to wait for her to be an adult so that it's not only legally okay for you two to kiss and hug and hold hands, but also morally okay?

I really don't know what you expected when you came here. Did you really think anyone intelligent, or old enough to know better, would tell you to go for it and date a child? Is she even allowed to cross the street by herself? My son is 12, a year older than your friend. I can tell you right now that he's not ready to date, and he won't be dating until I say so.

You're thinking like a teen, we're thinking like parents. That's why we don't agree. Thankfully the law is on the side of the parents in this case.

[husky004]

Comment on Altenweg's post

I'm not saying protecting your children from predators is bad parenting, but if he was a reasonable, decent, guy with no bad intentions and he made your daughter happy, would you still turn him down

Comment on ScottGem's post

Well, keep in mind, this is my first post, I didn't know I put in the teens post, I would have put it in the legal posts if I had known, but does it change anything, people would still talk about it the same

[redhed35]

'i'm not saying protecting your children from predators is bad parenting, but if he was a reasonable, decent, guy with no bad intentions and he made your daughter happy, would you still turn him down' end quote.

For me as a parent, not even if he was santa clause.

A decent, kind, reasonable guy would have no desire to enter into a relationship with a child.

Could I ask you to use the answer box at the end of the page instead of the comment feature, it makes the thread easier to read and follow.

[Alty]

I'm not saying protecting your children from predators is bad parenting, but if he was a reasonable, decent, guy with no bad intentions and he made your daughter happy, would you still turn him down

At the age of 11? Yes, he'd be gone. You see, at 11 my child doesn't know what's best for her. She doesn't have the experience or the brains to know what's best for her. That's why she needs to live with her parents, people that will care for her and see to it that she learns the things she needs to learn before going out into the big bad world and making decisions for herself. Until that time, it's up to me, her mom, to make sure that she doesn't make a decision that could ruin the rest of her life. She may not always like it, but when she's an adult herself, she'll realize that the decisions I made were in her best interest.

Also, at the age of 11 it isn't love, and I know it won't last. She may be upset at first, but she'll get over it, all 11 year olds do. Love at 11 is a fleeting feeling. It never lasts. I've never met one person that fell in love at 11 and actually ended up being with that person forever. Most 11 year old "relationships" last between a week and a month. Why? Because they're kids, playing at being mature and old enough to date. They aren't ready.

My daughter won't be allowed to date until she's 16, same with my son. That's my rule. I made that rule because I remember being a teen, and I know how easy it is to go from an innocent relationship to something you really shouldn't be doing as a child. You all may have the best of intentions, I know that many of the guys I dated when I was a teen had the best of intentions too. Sadly those intentions get thrown out the window pretty quickly in the heat of the moment.

[husky004]

For me as a parent, not even if he was santa clause.

A decent, kind, reasonable guy would have no desire to enter into a relationship with a child.

Could I ask you to use the answer box at the end of the page instead of the comment feature, it makes the thread easier to read and follow

So I take it that means you think I'm in decent?

[Alty]

for me as a parent, not even if he was santa clause.

I have to spread the rep.

Actually, if you think about it, Santa is a bit off. When you take your young child to visit him they sit on his lap, and he promises them toys. If he wasn't Santa, just some guy, he'd probably be locked up. ;)

[husky004]

And how will she get that necessary experience if she doesn't experience it?