[mj2011]

I first met John about 5 months ago, he approached me and asked me out, I saw him a about once a week and he would only text me midweek to see if I was available on the weekend so I took this as that he wasn't that interested/too busy and never initiated contact with him first. I asked him what our relationship was at about the 3 month mark and he said he wasn't able to deal with a relationship (came out of a controlling live in partnership approx 4 months before I met him)and that if I was cool with it then we had a friends with benefit type relationship. I wasn't cool with it so told him that and we didn't see each other for a couple of weeks when he came to collect his items from my house and then I asked him if he wanted to go out again which lasted another couple of weeks before I had enough again.

Friday night I accidentally bumped into him on a night out and we went back to my house and spent the night together

He sent this text through when I text him to say I didn't want to see him on the Sunday

"morning sexy lady, well i think im still recovering from fri night tbh (mentally & physically...it was amazing ;-)) you are prob right i should try and be productive and do my uni work instead :(
p.s.i kinda feel bad thinkin that u deserve someone who can give you more time and attention than i can... and i noticed just how many guys would be willing to give you that attention on fri night! But i know myself that im happy having selfish "me time" for the 1st time in my life and so dont wanna lead u up any garden paths with my mixed signals/crap communication skills... i do actually care for ur feelings and think ur lovely and thats why i feel so guilty after being so intimate with you knowing that i dont want anything serious with u or anyone else for that matter. gotta be true to myself and i do feel in a good place atm...i know there will be guys queuing up if u did want something more but ill always be around if you ever feel like a hug, kiss or just a chat"

Basically he is the nicest guy I think I have ever met and I totally respect him being honest about his feelings. What I want to know is if I stick around long enough for him to sort things out in his head, whether he may possibly think I am someone he could be happy with or would he have recognised that by now if I were and maybe he just isn't that into me and is waiting for someone else to come along?

He is a very busy person and is clearly enjoying doing his own thing without the hassle of any relationship problems so I would no way push him to see me more as I feel he should want to do that off his own back.

Does it take such a long time for a man to get over a previous sour relationships to realise not all women are like that? Or am I just being naïve because I think he is so nice?

I asked him if he had slept with anyone whilst we hadn't seen each other and he had said no he has been too busy to even think about it so I don't think he would have the time to see other women as well as me... sorry there are a lot of questions but I'm having an argument between my heart and my head and I need to put it to rest :)

[Jake2008]

It is kind of refreshing to hear of a person who is honest, and forthcoming with who they are, what they want, and what they don't want. Also equally refreshing that that person is concerned enough with you, to tell you straight up that you deserve the type of relationship that you want.

It really doesn't matter if he is unwilling to commit to a relationship with you right now because of a bad past relationship. It may not be the past relationship at all, but he's enjoying his life being single and unattached,

But I think you are sending him mixed messages. Knowing how he feels, and knowing that you said you didn't want a friends with benefits relationship, it isn't a good idea to continue to sleep with him, knowing that you are hoping for more, and he is clearly not interested in more.

He can be a friend, without benefits in other words. Starting any relationship with a friendship first, can lead to more down the road, but there are of course, no guarantees.

If what you are left with in the end is a good friend, well, you could do a lot worse.

Just please be careful not to invest emotionally, beyond that which will not happen. You may be missing out on other opportunities and other relationships, while you think of waiting for him to change.

[I wish]

It's good that he was honest with you about his current state of mind. But, no one can predict the future. We can't tell you what the future holds for both of you.

The way I see it is that you feel that he may be worth the wait. If a few months down the line he changes his mind and wants a serious relationship with you, then you can be together.

However, no one can guarantee that will happen. Therefore, I would say let you heart decide and not your mind. Logically speaking (brain), there's really no point waiting for someone or something that may never happen. But your heart isn't quite ready to let him go. So let your heart dictate where to go from here on. When your heart gives up on him, then it will be easier for you to move on without so much pain.

Until then, I see no reason why you can give it some time. Furthermore, in the meantime, there's no reason why you two can't spend more time together to get to know each other better.

Lastly, I strongly suggest you stop having this friends with benefits arrangement. It's better to keep things platonic and get to know each other better on an emotional level to see if you actually have a future together.

If you really want him to consider you seriously, then it's better to avoid friends with benefits and really get to know each other's personalty.

[liongal]

Agree with the above two...

Only God know's what the future holds with the both of you, but for your own peace of mind, I suggest you don't hang around hoping he will change his mind... this could take a couple of years and then some.

[answerme_tender]

Okay, I am going to appoach this from different point of view---He asked you out and started a relationship with you, and once he had you kind of hooked, then his started his BS about how busy he is, and just can't commit, how much he loves having his space, because he was in a bad relationship before (another hook)!!

If he didn't want want anyone, and just wanted to be alone, have time for himself, why even bother with you in the first place.

Okay so now he is SO HONEST, isn't it funny that he is always SO honest after he has sex with you, doesn't he ever sit you down face to face before he has sex and remind you he doesn't want anyone!!

Well you need to stop thinking how neat of a guy he is,just because he is soooo honest. Why not wake up and smell the BS and move on with your life. Find a guy who DOES want to be you, not just for sex, but wants an actual relationship outside the bedroom.

You sound like an intelligent lady, stop wasting your time, and don't let him use you ever again for a slumber party buddy!!

Take care

[Cat1864]

I think I would be living my life without counting on having a future with him. If you can handle being friends and nothing more-go for it. However, do not put your life on hold waiting for him.

I frankly think you are placing a lot of hope on him not seeing anyone else just because he has been too busy to think about going out. That could change. You may be waiting patiently for a long time only to have someone new catch his eye.

Good luck.