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bs125 · Jan 23, 2011, 07:14 AM

I met a really great guy two months ago and everything was great up until a month ago. We've talked about future plans and everything was moving along nicely. We've gone on several dates (he lives 5hrs from me)and really like each other but right before I was going to spend the weekend with him a few weeks ago, he stopped calling me. He finally called two days later and said he shut down because he's had his heart broken before. He is afraid that he was getting close to me and maybe I was going to hurt him. Of course I reassured him that I wasn't going to and let him know we would take things slow. It sounded like everything was okay after that and he was back to normal.

We have seen each other for day dates and all is well but as soon as we start to plan for a weekend again he shuts down on me for several days. Well it has happened again and I don't know what to do. He hasn't talked to me in 3 days. I'm 99% sure I'll hear from him tomorrow and he'll apologize again and say he misses me and wants to see me. He has said he's not seeing anyone else and I genuinely believe that. So what do I do? Other than this major problem, this guy is fantastic and I really like him. What do I do??

tickle · Jan 23, 2011, 07:47 AM

If you are writing here, then you have doubts that this is not as it appears to be or should be.

I see red flags from what you describe and if he really wanted to see you, and wanted something with you, then he would move heaven and earth to meet you for a weekend to see where a relationship with you could go.

I am not saying have no more to do with him, but I would not count on this being anything other then what it is, a casual encounter, he doesn't really want to make anything out of it for now.

What do you do ? You take it at face value and don't pin your hopes on a relationship with this person.

tick

martinizing2 · Jan 23, 2011, 08:08 AM

Two months is not long enough to get to really know someone. When you add the fact he lives several hours away which limits contact, you are barely scratching the surface of getting to know each other.

Having your heart broken can surly make it difficult to become close to another person for fear of it happening again but that should be less and less a factor as time and your relationship progress. If it doesn't , then you need to examine your feelings more closely and make sure you are on the same page of your relationship.

Try being patient and understanding and let things happen as they will. It is easy to push someone away by being too eager to be close and wanting to go faster than you BOTH are comfortable with.

DoulaLC · Jan 23, 2011, 08:46 AM

I don't see it as a major problem. You have been seeing him for just two months! What is the rush?

Spend what time you can getting to know each other more and enjoying each others company. He is being honest with you about needing to take things more slowly. Give it some time to develop and for him to be more comfortable.

Jake2008 · Jan 23, 2011, 08:51 AM

After two months, you have no idea who this person is. He could be a serial killer for all you know. What he has not disclosed so far, in my opinion, is the reason he is keeping you at a distance.

There could be another girl, wife, live in partner. He could be pursuing more than one person at a time. He could be planning his next bank robbery.

I think one broken weekend date was bad enough at the last minute, but two is nothing short of the guy has a problem and its probably got nothing to do with a fear of intimacy.

He should be prepared for you to tell him to buzz off, more than you should be prepared to put up with his questionable behaviour. I would not be too patient with this guy.

Until you know more, I would limit any time together until you actually know him.