[samwty]

My name is Sam. About four months ago, my girlfriend and I moved in together and everything was going great. I found a job and we are both working now and going to school. But I have a serious problem, my girlfriend and I went from having sex like once or twice a day to twice in three weeks now. She doesn't seem to be bother by this and she doesn't even want to be intimate at all with me anymore. I really don't understand what happened. It honestly makes me think that maybe she is having sex with someone else because the change was so sudden and radical. Please help before I go crazy. I love her to death but this change really makes me feel insecure and impotent and I don't know how to deal with it. Thanks

[Cat1864]

Sam, how old are both of you? How long have you been a couple?

All advice is going to boil down to sitting down when there is no expectation of sex and discussing your concerns with her. No accusations. No Confrontations. Just talking and listening to what each other has to say. Work together to find a solution and compromise.

Now, let's look at some of the factors so you have a clearer idea of what needs to be discussed:

Has she changed birth control methods? Some of them can affect a woman's libido.

Has there been a pregnancy scare? It sounds like you are no where near stable enough to have a child and the fear of getting pregnant could affect how intimate she is feeling.

When you say that she doesn't want to be intimate with you at all now, do mean sexual intimacy only or does it extend to hand holding, kissing, cuddling, etc.

The big factor, you mentioned, is work and school. How tired is she? How stressed is she from trying to hold down a job, go to school, keep up grades, and keep up a home? Does she have any down time to relax and unwind?

Do you try to be affectionate when you aren't wanting sex? Is she used to a hug turning into sex? Is she backing off from all intimacy because she needs a rest?

I find it interesting that you are already concerned that she might be cheating on you because the sex slowed down. There are times in any relationship where sex isn't as plentiful. It doesn't mean the other person is straying.

You say that she seems to not be as bothered with the slow down as you feel. Talk with her and find out for certain how she feels instead of jumping to conclusions.