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Nanajan · Jan 14, 2011, 08:59 AM

Two years ago CPS placed my grandchildren in my home due to their mother and her boyfriend neglecting them. While I love my grandchildren, raising them was NOT on my to do list, but it is what it is. Here I am now two years later and the seven year old granddaughter is a real handful. She's bossy, hardheaded, wants to tell me what she will or will not do, etc. I am ready to call welfare and have her placed in a foster home. I really can not take much more of the defiance. Oh she has been diagnosed with ADHD/ODD. She's been on Vyvanse 50 mg for the past 3 months. I do not know what else to do. Is there a boot camp for seven year olds?

justcurious55 · Jan 14, 2011, 09:11 AM

What sort of discipline and strategies have you tried so far? I don't know about boot camps for seven year olds. But maybe if you give us some examples of the problems you have with her regularly we can give you some new ways of dealing with her.

Also, I'm sure being taken from her parents has been rough on her. Have you tried any therapy or counseling?

Nanajan · Jan 14, 2011, 09:29 AM

Getting up for school. She has to be at the bus by 7:40 am. I start waking her up at 6:15 a.m. first it's the gentle call, 6:30 am then good morning time to get up, the response is pulling the covers over her head. By 7:00 a.m. I am now irritated. Now we are pulling the covers off the bed and sprinkling water. By 7:15 a.m. all I want to do is get her out the door.

The constant arguing back. She always has to have the last word. Has a smart mouth and attitude. I have tried talking to her, doing the reward/consequence thing, removed privlidges, grounding, etc... she is a hard nut to crack... nothing is working. I am totally frustrated.

Also, I should add that my husband never had any children so this is putting stress on our marriage. Neither one of these kids think that the rules apply to them.

My children were not an issue like these two. Maybe because they knew when I gave them a choice the game was over. They never knew what the choices would have been, but I don't think they wanted to find out.

redhed35 · Jan 14, 2011, 10:23 AM

She needs a good 10/12 hours sleep.

First off have a look at the bedtime routine and adjust it if you see a problem there,perhaps starting earlier in the evening may help.

Routine routine routine use a board with pictures if you have too so they can see at a glance what's what and at what time.

She is probably at a stage where she realises mum and dad are not around and perhaps she is feeling 'differant' to the other kids in her class.

Are there any problems in school?
Could it be 'street angel house devil!'?

Although your at your wits end I would urge you not to give up just yet,look for help from CPS in the line of councilling for them and advice, also perhaps respite for them one night a month.

Nanajan · Jan 14, 2011, 11:37 AM

I could try to get her to bed earlier.

What is a street angel house devil?

jenniepepsi · Jan 14, 2011, 11:41 AM

Sorry grandma but you sound very angry and bitter towards ths child. I don't doubt that you love her. But maybe its time for you BOTH to go to counseling TOGETHER. Get some advice from her psychiatrist.

Wondergirl · Jan 14, 2011, 11:49 AM

Do you get her involved with grocery list making and shopping and preparing the food, including baking brownies and cookies? I remember that's around the age my mom got me involved with household chores and responsibilities, but always approaching them as constructive and fun things to do with her oversight. Even when my sons were in hs, they helped with making grocery lists and food shopping (and preparing). If I shopped while they were in school, the lists were often in either German or Spanish (school subjects), depending on which son worked on the list.

Be creative and imaginative in how you talk with her. Whisper your instructions or do storytelling with her, making her the star of the story. If you want examples, I'll be glad to supply them.

redhed35 · Jan 14, 2011, 12:09 PM

'Comment on redhed35's post

I could try to get her to bed earlier.

What is a street angel house devil?

Street angel... a child who is well behaved in school and outside the home, house devil,a child who misbehaves regularly at home.

88sunflower · Jan 14, 2011, 12:23 PM

First it really bothers me you mentioned putting them in a foster home. My son is 7. He acts the same way. Only he is not diagnosed with anything other then only child syndrome. I blame it on that. Maybe I should start finding him a new home.

Please stand back and look at these children. They are learning how to be kids. They weren't born knowing how to behave and how to react to life. They were already neglected by one set of parents. How do you think that makes them feel? All they have to rely on are us adults and they were tossed to the curb once already. You want to do it again? How will they act then?

I agree with red on early bedtimes and routine. I have found with my son even going to bed 30 minutes past his normal time I will pay for it the next day. Oh trust me he has to have the last word and everything you said. I have also done everything I could do to correct him. But such is life. I learn every morning how to be a parent just like he is learning how to grow that day.

Show more love and just don't give up. They don't deserve another stress in life at this age. They didn't choose this. I have learned patience even when I want to snap goes a long long way. I have learned when I step back and let my boy finish and I truly listen it makes a world of difference.

mashpotatos · Jan 16, 2011, 09:09 AM

Wow, from what Ive heard from you sounds like you've never raised a child in your life. She a year old girl, she will defiate espesally if you took her from your parents, she's testing you. Sounds to me that you are trying to show her your better than her, never do that, never. They will become more and more defiante every time you try to show her your better then her. Children want to be equal to you not lower in status.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 16, 2011, 09:26 AM

So you MAKE them get up, you stop being nice the first two times and do what you have to, poor a glass of water over her,

Take away any and every thing she has, give her 5 outfits to wear, no TV, no iPod, no computer usage outside of homework and NOTHING,

She has to earn them back by obeying.

jenniepepsi · Jan 16, 2011, 10:31 AM

Sorry chuck, for the first time ever, I have to disagree with you. This girl is 7. not 16. She is still a child and needs to be taught. This plan would more than likely make her worse. At least that is my experience.

Nanajan · Jan 18, 2011, 05:40 AM

Wow! Must say that the comments vary from sounding like a hate any adult that doesn't make the children feel good, to the old school of we are the adults and you will follow our rules.

To all that think I hate the grandchildren, you have to realize that we are not dealing with children who had any direction or rules set by their biological parents. They have pretty much been allowed to do as they pleased without any consequences.

Pretty sad when you have to litterly carry a five year old who weighs 90 pounds a block, because she refuses to walk.

The worst child you see in the store times 10 is what we have here.

Nanajan · Jan 18, 2011, 05:43 AM

I am so glad that you see to understand.

I have had all the talking one person can deal with. Sounds like you have experience with the reward system. Can you give further details please?

88sunflower · Jan 18, 2011, 07:13 AM

If you wanted to try a reward system I can tell you what worked for me. For a long time it worked well. I drew a chart with squares on the top row and an equal number of squares on the bottom row. I bought little round black magnets from the craft area at Walmart and some stick on felt stars. Some magnets I put stars on and some I left round and black. Each star was worth $1. Each circle was minus $1. How it worked was when I was asked my son to do something he had his choice he does it with no issues, a star. He has be make an isssue, a circle. Bad mouthing and sassing, circle. Not listening, circle. You get the idea. If I could bring him shopping with out a scene being made I gave him a star and thanked him for being good. Every Saturday morning he did the math on what he earned. More often then not he owed me money. But he earned enough a few times it made a difference. All I had to do was threaten a circle and he moved.

88sunflower · Jan 18, 2011, 07:15 AM

I have also thrown away toys in front of him and to this day it totally tramatized him. I asked him several times to pick it up. He refused. I threatened the garbage he thought I was joking. Well garbage it was. He didn't take that well. But again, he moves now when I walk towards the garbage with his things he leaves lying around.

jenniepepsi · Jan 18, 2011, 07:50 AM

I'm sorry hon, my own child is 7, and I just can't picture throwing water on her in her bed doing anything but tormenting her. If she were a teen, or even a preteen, yes. But at 7 they are still little girls. I honestly believe you are expecting too much too fast. I understand you are frustrated, I would be too. But also look at it from her point of view as to what has happened to her in her short 7 years of life. And honestly, I can't picture throwing water on her doing anything but cause more trouble. For the both of you

88sunflower · Jan 18, 2011, 08:13 AM

I can agree with you Jennie about the water. I personally wouldn't make that choice. But I have flipped the mattress off the bed to get him out of it. Sadly he laughed.
But the point is these kids sound like they need to see rules and learn how to follow them. The need guidance. She said they have been able to run and do as they please. So they need to understand that's not the way it is. If water works then so be it. Seven years old is my opinion has been far worse then the "terrible twos" At two he was learning his way. Now he knows better and makes the choice to do it anyway. I feel if the rules are set for those kids and they are followed strictly with time it may help. Children need routine and rules and that's just the way it is.

jenniepepsi · Jan 18, 2011, 08:18 AM

Oh absolutely I agree that kids need rules and set routines and limits. And if they don't want to follow them, they absolutley should be in trouble. I just don't see the point of the water thing. I mean, as an adult, what would you do if someone threw water on you while you slept lol.

Nanajan · Jan 19, 2011, 08:55 AM

I love it!! Thank you for the detail! She's at the age where she wants everything. I am going to present the chart to her after school. We had a really really bad morning.