[ChelseaCutie]

Hi, I'm a 23 yrs old and I'm dating a black guy and my parents are not approving of it. I love him a lot and we are in a serious committed relationship. If I chose you tell my parents that he is my boyfriend, they would probably disown me. I don't know what to do, and he's such a beautiful person that I don't want to subject him to the negativity of my family. I need advice! :(

[shan95]

Just try and explain to them how you feel about each other and try and explain that it don't matter what colour skin he is because you both love each other and if it doesn't work out maybe you should just tell him the truth.

[Jake2008]

I assume that if you are in an already committed relationship, your boyfriend should have some idea what to expect when he meets your parents. While you may want to protect him from the negative fallout of your parents reaction, he really should be prepared.

I was prepared by my (now husband) boyfriend, as to what he expected his parents to say when they met me, and knew that I was not Catholic. While they were cordial, the atmosphere was ice, and they refused to even talk to me. I was a non-person to them.

Here I am, married many years now, and what happened was that my inlaws eventually thawed. I was a good person, wife, mother, friend. I was always respectful and considerate toward them, and they learned over time, to love me, as much as I learned to love them.

While your parents may initially be very unhappy (for whatever reason), when they get to know him, they will see the qualities you see in him, and time will take care of the rest. Eventually, you being happy, and with a good man who loves you, and that you love, will overtake any notion they had of him as a lesser, or unsuitable person, simply because of the colour of his skin.

And you are an adult, and these decisions are ultimately yours to make, and yours alone. My best take on this is, whatever you face together now, will only make you stronger together, and eventually your family will come around.

[Alty]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I can't believe that there are still people out there with these prejudices. Hopefully the next generation will be more open.

This isn't an easy question to answer. This is all on you, which isn't fair.

The bottom line is, what are you willing to lose? What are you willing to risk for this man? Are you willing to take the risk, tell your parents, stay with him and maybe end up losing them?

Love is hard, especially when you're with someone your parents don't approve of. Hopefully you can make them see that he's a good person, and the color of his skin shouldn't matter. But, if their prejudice is deeply rooted it may not be that easy.

You seem certain that they'll disown you. You know them better than we do. Do you think that they could change their minds when they meet him, get to know him, look past the color of his skin and see the person he is?

That's what I'm hoping for, for your sake and theirs.

If not, it comes down to one thing. Who are you willing to lose? Your parents, or your boyfriend? It shouldn't have to be a choice, but that's the only option I see in your situation.

[Fr_Chuck]

I have been there, First you are an adult and you owe it to your boyfriend if you are serious about him, not to keep him hidden, That is acting like you are ashamed of him. And really to me almost as bad if not worst than the person who I deleted their answer,

A racist is honest about what they believe, even if it is hate filled for really no reason, But when we allow their actions to make us treat a person different, then are we really not almost as bad.

If this was not a person of color, would they have already meet your parents ? So what or how are you now treating your boyfriend different because of his color,

If you are a adult and if you want to make choices about love, then you have to take responisbility and act on them.

Yes your parents may disown you. I was written out of my family will because I married a person of color, I went years without seeing my mother and father because of it.

But it was a chocie I had to make.

If you are not willing to choose him over your parents you are not really in love with him anyway.

[talaniman]

If this is a serious committed relationship, then I take it that its been going on for quite a while. How long has it been going on??

It's a simple choice to either take a risk for what you want, or please everyone but yourself. That's why its VERY important to know this is just not a fling with a stranger, and that you know each other well enough to face and overcome obstacles and challenges.

You both have to be willing, and love ain't got nothing to do with it. Nor does skin color.