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cowboy58 · Dec 9, 2010, 08:06 PM

Two years ago my son moved out of our house and moved in with another family with 7 kids. He has only contacted me maybe 3 times. He only lives 6 miles from me.I tried to be a good mom and taught him right from wrong. He acts like maybe he is trying to forget us or something. I think he respects and loves the family he is living with more than us his parents. I don't know what's wrong with him he has changedso much now. Do I wait and let him contact me first to give him space or try to call him and make things right? Didn't even hear from him at thanksgiving. Don't remember anything that would make him hate us. SOOooo sad.

bestbessie · Dec 30, 2010, 07:54 PM

This is sad, unfortunately the longer it goes on, the harder it will be to build the bridge back. Can you visit him? Or write him a letter telling him how you feel, that you miss him and would like to find a way you could spend some time together? I like letters because it gives you time to think about what you say and express yourself calmly and rationally. It also gives them the chance to read it through and think about it without feeling too challenged.

My nephew lives with this grandmother a long way away, and we send him presents and letters, cards and pictures, just so he remembers us and feels connected, and knows that out there in the world there are people who love him. Kids will remember at least that you tried. If you don't make any contact he may feel like it validates his idea that you don't care.

Have you spoken to or engaged with the family that he is living with? It might be worth doing to get a sense of where he is at now, and what has been happening since he moved in with them.

I hate to say it but some stuff must have gone on between you for him to move out and for you to let him go. Have you ever discussed it with him? Getting some good information about then practicing Active Listening is a great way to rebuild relationships, it's just a communication skill/style but it really works. Try: http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm

Maybe in the future if he starts to warm up, you could buy tickets to a football match, or something else that he might like, our kids love comedy performances, and it's hard to stay resentful when someone is telling good jokes.