[mg889]

Hi,

I'm hopelessly in love with this straight guy I work with. I have been friends with him for 5 months. I know he is straight because he has tried to pick up my sister and I have been out with him a few times when he has gone home with chicks he meets in the bar. He doesn't know I'm gay. He makes some comments every now and then about gay people etc and I never say anything about it because I really value the friendship.

We have moved into a situation now where we are basically like best friends - hanging out all the time, txting etc. I'm completely reading all the signals wrong but I have hopelessly fallen for him. I feel sick with jealousy now when I see him pick up chicks and I know that he is not interested in me.

I need advice I suppose as to what do I do... Is it possible to maintain a friendship with him? I don't know if that is possible considering I am so head over heels fallen. I think I am getting more obvious with it too because someone else has told me to back off and let him go pick up chicks., they just thought I was being annoying and not letting him do his own thing. I think I might be doing the wrong thing by him...

[joypulv]

Look below your question and you will see a whole bunch of similar ones.
No one can answer this for you. Only you know whether to tell him or not. Most might say to tell him that you need to break off the friendship because you are gay and falling for him (I wouldn't say madly in love). If he freaks, he's not worth having as a friend. At best he will be willing to stay friends (can you handle that?), or he most likely will ease out gracefully.

If you are hoping for that one in a million chance, feel free, as long as you realize the odds. It has happened.

[answerme_tender]

No offense but he isn't a true friend, since he really doesn't know you. Obviously you don't feel that he would accept your sexual orientation. But, you need to be honest you no longer just want friendship, you are now wanting him as a lover-partner.

You may feel that he isn't going to accept you when he learns of your sexual orientation, but if he does care for you as a TRUE FRIEND, he may consider the FRIENDSHIP a valuable thing in his life. But if he does, then you are going to have to live up to that FRIENDSHIP and get over these sexual feelings towards him, or you will lose a good friend. Of course he maynot chose to continue the friendship after he does find out, but if that be the case then who wants someone that judgemental in your life anyway.

Give your friend a chance to accept you for exactly that--for being YOURSELF. But, in return remember lust is a fleeting emotion, and real love also includes enough respect to not step over the line from friendship to lust!! Good luck

[talaniman]

Your friendship is built on dishonesty, and you should have told him long ago what you are about. Now your own feelings are complicating things to a point of confusion. Don't be confused, start by being honest but be smart also. Tell him you are gay, and leave the rest until you know what his feeling about that are.

Its really simple, not all feelings of attractions are best acted upon, especially among friends where attractions are often intense. Thats why you see if him knowing the truth makes a difference as a friend, before overwhelming him, and scaring him with all the rest.

Then there is the case of dignity, and self respect that has to be present among friends which is why you don't act out on crushes, and infatuations that may fade, or may not be appropriate, or respectful to the friendship, if indeed there is one.

Tell him you are gay, see what happens, and keep the rest to yourself, and if you cannot be just a friend, then get someone you can be straight and honest with. If you cannot control your OWN feelings, you make a lousy friend any way, right??