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confusedgirl79 · Dec 29, 2010, 09:36 AM

My boyfriend of a year said that "something was missing" in our relationship. So basically I said - "you don't love me". I don't understand how he could tell me that he loves me if he never did. He said it was because he thought he did, or at least thought he could love me. We have been broken up for about a month now. To begin with he was messaging me just like a friend having chit chat's until I asked him to stop since it was unfair on me. Since then the only contact is me wanting to talk to him. He told me he had and still has strong feeling for me, but doesn't want me to be in limbo and doesn't want to give me the wrong idea. That he is also having fun on his own and is enjoying the space. But also when I asked told me that I could contact him in the new year he said yes.

However, I lost a family member a few days ago and rung him for support. We chatted on the phone for about 20 minutes, and he was nice. But nothing I really wanted to hear, like "i just want to give you a hug" or anything. Plus I haven't heard from him since. He hasn't checked to see how I am or even text on Christmas... Basically, I want to know - has he really just "checked out" on me? Has this happened to anyone else? Is there any hope, or do I just have to move on.

SeirraA · Dec 29, 2010, 11:12 AM

I really don't think you should wait any longer.
I'm not saying he doesn't have feelings for you, but it looks like he wants time for himself. He wants to be free, no offence dear. I don't think he truly loved you, but I'm sure he really cares about you somehow. Maybe you've been giving him too much attention lately?
People come in and out of our life.

Life is short, don't waste your time, love yourself and give yourself some 'me' time. I hope you aren't in pain... its difficult at first but like many, you'll move on and hopefully one day find someone who truly adores you and appreciates who you are.
Your ex is moving on... looking for a better life. And I don't think he will contact you until he is sure of whether life is better with or without you.
We all make mistakes, but very few of us learn from it.
Take care :)

answerme_tender · Dec 29, 2010, 12:28 PM

He has moved on, and its time for you too! I know your hurting, but stop contacting him, you said it yourself that having contact with him wasn't fair to you. "No Contact" is the best rule. By trying to still have contact with him you are giving yourself false hope.

He is not going to be a shoulder that you can cry on when something terrible happens to you when he is no longer invested in your life. His reaction was kind, more then most ex-boyfriends might of shown, but once again him not calling back to check on you SHOWS that he doesn't want to be involved with your life.

Iam sorry for the loss of your family member.

talaniman · Dec 29, 2010, 01:12 PM

After a break up, its so easy to have false hope when we stay in contact with the ex, instead of cutting contact and healing from shock, and disappointment, mixed with hurt, and rejection. That's where the confusion comes from.

Go No Contact, and avoid confusion, until your feeling have had ample time to adjust, and accept your new reality.

Yes we have all made the mistake of trying to hold on, and found we only prolonged the misery and pain. Done it more than once myself, until I learned how to let go, and move forward.

Read the stickies and see how others have coped with your situation. Sorry for your loss and the bad timing.