[kunfuzedguy]

Let me start this question by making a clear statement that I love my wife but I am lost as to what to do.I have been married for three years. My wife is very controlling and is insecure about everything . I treat her like a princess put her up on a pedestal whenever I can I always put her first. Ill try and give the best back story I can briefly. My wife is from a divorced home . Her father left when she was 12 and her mother raised her but her mother is a pathological liar and has tons of mental illness signs as do her mothers other two sisters. My wife is very stunning and beautiful and I have always tried to make her feel as so. We had been dating for six months when she came to me in tears about her job and how terrible it was . She asked me if I could help out with the financial obligations if she were to resign and look for another job. She was 26 and living with her aunt at the time I had a discussion with her and her aunt together and her aunt said she would help and I would as well for a short period until my wife could find another job. Within the first month after she quite her position it was apparent that I was the only one helping and I found myself taking out another credit card just to support her because I still had my own finances to deal with. Then my wife had a bad pap that had signs of cancer and she had no health care. I had been working at my company for 8 years and had great health care and she had none and I could not afford to pay out of pocket and her in laws had thus far not been helpful as we agreed. So I figured with the large some I had already invested and the way I felt about her it seemed dumb not to get married. I loved her the sun rose and set on her smile and I wanted to take care of her. So I sold my motorcycle ( my only real true passion or escape) and bought a ring and we were married. But then when it came time to move her into my one bedroom apartment she refused her and her aunt came to me saying that it was ridiculous and I should move into there house and not have any rent because this would be the aunts way to help and it would be nice to have a man around the house. I asked her if this is what she wanted and she made it clear that that is what needed to happen at least till she could get a job and we could get on our feet. So I did. Eight months went by. No job. And her aunt was very oppinionated and tried to be almost like a parent. For a 30 year old man that has been living on his own since high school iit was difficult especially since it was apparent that her aunt was a schizophrenic and very depressed and talked to psychiatrics all the time and was heavily medicated and a recluse it made it hard for me to try and entertain any of her advice or instructions on life . This put a big strain on us and after the ninth month she got a job and I moved us to an apartment of her choice. Then with the economy being so bad and me being a construction worker I had to go on the road to keep my job. I worked 24 hour shifts sometimes sleeeping 2 or 5 hrs every 5 days and if I could get a weekend off sleep or not I would drive six hours to be with her for as long as I could before I had to drive back. It was hard but it came with reward I paid down her enormous amount of debt that she had before knowing me in six months.her insecurities were overwhelm ing always suspicious always insecure even though I spent any free time I had away from the jobsite driving to see her. She would tell me how unhappy she was with her job and me being gone and the simplest disagree meant she would throw up divorce. I would plead and beg her over the phone just to try and hold it together from so far away.I did get to go out one time . Motorcross came to the town I was in and I had missed it when it came to our home town. So I went with a couple of my coworkers who were also married and between admission food and drink and buying her and me some souveneirs I spent 80 bucs. She lost control at this and immediately bought 400 dollars worth of bedding and things. I'm not oposed to that but it just seemed childish.we were supposed to be saving money but I thought after all those 24 hr shifts a reasonable night out was okay. She didn't agree. It would have been okay if she would have been there to control it tell me yes I can buy that t-shirt no you can't have another beer,as long as she is in control its okay . Its never a partnership.when I was finally stationed at home she made my life hell. Everyday is a struggle but I still love her when things are good they are great but the smallest disagreement she becomes verballly abusive. Some of her language and shots are just down right evil. I try and stay calm and try to come to her peacefully with a problem that I would like to discuss and she maintains a defense like someone is attacking her even though I'm not I just generally need to discuss an issue and if its not going her way or she doesn't want to talk she threatens divorce as a way to control me because she knows that's not what I want. She won't let me touch the money because its another form of control. I've tried everything . I've tried to help tried to support done everything I can . I can't continue to just take abuse and always be threatened of divorce. She has kept me alienated from my friends and family and I don't know how to help her other than ask her to go to counseling knowing that she will flip out at this gesture

[talaniman]

Sorry guy, but you haven't tried everything. How about stop letting talk of divorce be her leverage. And make sure you have control over your own money. She works, so do you so why is she calling all the shots, and making all the rules??

If you are going to let others dictate what you do, you don't get to complain about it. You make changes that work for you, or they go to hell, and do whatever they want.

In my eyes, you are the one allowing their behavior, so its you that has to make changes. Which would you rather have? A divorce, or a dictatorship? If you are not the one setting the example, they surely will, and have.

The next talk of divorce, tell them to do it. Leave if you have to, and take care of yourself, and they can do whatever.

For sure if you act like a wimp, that's how they will treat you.