[ChrisA4532]

Recently my fiancée has asked for space. Her father just recently died and times have been tough. Our relationship has been good and it has been a long distance thing due to my military service. She say I have been smothering her but I have been only trying to help her during these hard times. She say she loves me and doesn't want to break up but she need room to evaluate everything in her life. Please any suggestions, tip or anything would be a great help.

[talaniman]

Give her space and don't bother her!

She will call you if she needs you! Let her, but don't call her.

That's giving her space.

[ITstudent2006]

I'll give you some advice! Both from a military aspect and from a married aspect.

If she wants space and you love her. Give her space! You said it yourself her father just died, things are crazy for her right now!

As far as the military goes what branch are you in? I ask because worrying yourself about this when your mind should be on what you're doing in the military isn't the right thing to do. I know you love her, but when she asks for space then there is nothing you can do but to give it to her! Focus on your life and let her work things out.

[aurora_rena]

If its space she wants then you should respect it. I understand that you really want to help her and watching her suffer is making you suffer too, but when she wants your help or wants to open up to you in anyway, she will do it on her own when she is ready. But pushing yourself onto her, you will make her feel smothered. She wants to use this time to think about things her self, asking her what she's thinking or how she feels when she doesn't even know it yet will annoy her and eventually push her away from you.
This is a sensitive time. You just need to make sure you're there for her when she needs you, not when you need her to need you.

[ChrisA4532]

Thank you everyone. The responses make sense and are very helpful. Im in the Marine corps. Keep the opinions coming they are greatly appreciated

Comment on ITstudent2006's post

Marine Corps

[ITstudent2006]

Marine Corps

Me too!

[ChrisA4532]

Ooorahhhh

[ITstudent2006]

You've chosen no to receive private messages so I will just say what I wanted to say here.

I see that you're new to the site and I would like you to stay current with this site. Not sure if you have any interest but this site not only offers answers to questions you post but to questions you may not want to post that others do.

Being in the military can be very strenuous at times and I encourage this site because it offers an outlet. A way to get away and keep your insanity. Especially being in a relationship. It's not an easy life, but its what we signed up for.

Can I ask if you're active or reserves, where you're stationed, MOS and your rank ( I ask rank because if you outrank me, it is necessary I refer to you as such rank)

Feel free to message me regarding any of this!

I am a LCpl out of B Co. 1st Bt 24th Marines 4th Marine Div. I realize I am a reservist and my idea on military life is somewhat different then those on active duty and I admit that it must be much harder. I appreciate your response and look forward to hearing from you!

~Si vis pacem para bellum~

[ChrisA4532]

Not quite sure how to send a message but its all right. The website is helping me its good that there people out there that offer help.

Im an active duty Corporal with Combat Logistics Battalion 7 1st Mar DIv

[ITstudent2006]

Well Cpl, welcome aboard. Feel free to ask or answer any questions.

[ChrisA4532]

Ive been talking to her and she's been saying the until I get home and out of the military she doesn't want a big commitment. But sees us together and happy in the future. She says that she is unhappy because I'm never there. She said she needs to find out who she really is and grow.

This whole thing came out of left field and I was blind sided. Don't really know what to think?

What do you guys think

[talaniman]

I think she has a valid point, and she is doing the right thing for herself now. Not everyone is emotionally equipped to handle distance and separation that some obligations entail. She is one of those.

Now what happens in the future, no one can know how you or her will feel because life is a mystery with many twists and turns, so bow out gracefully and let her do her thing while you do yours, and see what happens much later.

We humans are always changing our minds, and our feelings. No doubt you will change also.

[ChrisA4532]

I will be going home this week and again in the march time frame where after I will be gone for 7 months. Im not quite sure how I should handle the situation at home and when I'm gone. Do you have any suggestions.

[talaniman]

Part of me want to tell you to have a face to face talk with her. Not just for clarity, but also for closure to this chapter. But part of me wants to tell you to leave her alone, and not be burdened by false hope while you are away.

It's a tough call, because while I understand her feelings for now, I just feel that not being able to see this distance, and time separation through is a bad sign for any future at all. If couples can't overcome any obstacle life throws at them, they seldom have a good chance of survival.

I think she was letting you down easy, but in doing so was not genuine. Maybe she meant what she said about the future, but was not sure enough to commit to it. It was more sugar on a lemon, making it easier to swallow. Not something to look forward to, but maybe that's how she had to handle it, more for her, and not you.

I think a clean break would serve you both, for moving on, and healing, and getting the most out of your lives going forward. You are both young and growing, and exploring, and don't need any emotional baggage.

Just me, I bow out gracefully, and let her off the emotional hook, say my good byes, and carry on, without her. You can talk till the cows come home, and ask her to wait for you, and that may have you feeling good for a while, but only delays the inevitable, so get this over quick, and walk away.

Enjoy your family and friends. It will be a tough time, but they will be there for you and really miss you, don't neglect them for her, no way.

[ChrisA4532]

I really don't think this is over. I mean we text a decent amount and she always texts me first. We say we love each other and she's picking me up at the airport.

I tried saying to her hey if you don't want to get me at the airport and don't want to see me its fine I understand. She said no I want to see you and to attend xmas eve with my family.

I mean this is hard, a lot of mixed signals from her.

[talaniman]

You better get some clarity before you leave. Something tells me you will.