[bigbert78]

My daughter moved in with her boyfriend at 18. Oct 2, 2008 She had a baby girl Aug, 10, 2009. Brittany (Daughter) has kept Prudance (Granddaughter) from me I seen her maybe 7 times in 12 months. They needed a place to stay till they could save up some money to get their own place Josh (boyfriend) does not like me & a lot of others he says he don't like hispanics or Black people and he don't believe in God. Josh is very controlling with Brittany. They lived with us (my husband & I) for 1 month.

We asked him several times to please us side door and to park on the side of the house He never respected that rule, I watched Prudance while they worked and went to school Josh made a big issue of me being here 1 night I was 3 min away walking the baby. Josh said he wanted to see his daught before school I respect that. In the month I watched her I was not here that 1 time never once before or after he did he say hi or bye to Prudance. I am hurting so bad inside because of this my granddaughter loves me & I love her

[Jake2008]

One clear sign of your daughter and your granddaughter's absence from your life, is the likely result of Brittany's controlling boyfriend.

You don't need to have done anything wrong, although it makes it easier for him to have an 'excuse' to keep Brittany and his daughter from you, if he has an excuse, no matter how lame. Such as being three minutes late, and asking him to park in a certain place on your property.

Presuming it is true that he controls Brittany, he also controls her life, her friends, her family. By keeping her from you, he keeps her closer to himself, and ensures her 'loyalty' by being demanding and dictating her every move.

And the big, why. Most likely he is an insecure man, and feels that to have someone in his life, he must not only control them, but control them to an extent that he doesn't have to fear losing them, or sharing them, or risking them having influence by other people. It likely just isn't insecurity that drives him, but fear, low self esteem, an inability to trust, and a lack of confidence in others, and others' abilities. They feel secure only when they are in control, and the more control he has over Brittany, the less control she has over her own life.

But, he will sometimes let you in, as you have seen, when he needs a free babysitter, or perhaps loans, or free room and board. Only to find fault with you, when he can establish his distance again, and justify it with petty excuses that don't hold water.

If what you say is true about him, there is little you can do. I feel very sorry for you that you are denied access to your graddaughter, that is tragic for her, as well as for you. But I think it is also fair to say that your daughter right now, is choosing to keep the peace with her boyfriend, rather than leave. Keep the lines of communication open, let her know you are there for her, and hopefully, sooner, rather than later, she will find her way home again.

[ScottGem]

A sad story, but what is your question? This site works best when you spell out what you need help with.

Do you need help in coping with the heartache. Do you want advice on how to get more time with your grandchild? What?