[bre2011]

Pretty bummed, I don't usually do this kind of stuff, figured maybe it might help out a bit. My boyfriend of 3 years just broke up with me about 3 months ago (I am 22 and he is 23) so I do understand that we are still young. Anyway, he moved across country about 4 months ago while I was finishing up my last year of college here. He always said how much he wanted me to move out there, even wanted me to transfer colleges or something. I decided that would not be best for me and I needed to finish up here (in-state tuition/my friends are all here), but we still decided to make long distance work for a year. I was also really cool with the idea moving there, I would still get my own place and live my own life. He would always tell me that he still wanted me to move out there and a year would go by fast and we would be together. Well... then one day.. out of the blue he decided to end things. Whenever we first broke up he said that he does not know what he is looking for in a relationship.. I am amazing, beautiful, great to him (yeah, I know) but he needs time to ''find himself'' learn more about life/relationships before he makes such a big commitment and make sure we should be together long-term.. He said that he didn't see this the end of anything and you never know what could happen down the road but he will not rule out dating someone else eventually (even though he is not looking now/needs to get finances straight). He still wanted to remain very close, so stupid me did that. We still talked on the phone/text all the time. But I felt like it started to hurt me even more if we just remained this way. I was very upset by everything and finally decided to initiate ''no contact''. So it has been a couple days since and we have not spoke... it really sucks. Having false hopes maybe he will come around but guess we will see in time what is meant to happen. Yeah.

Any advice may help..

[talaniman]

My advice is simple, stay with NC until you get past that false hope. Build a life without him while you wait for that to happen.

It's a good sign you have recognized what you need to do for yourself. Some people never get it! You have.

[Just Looking]

I agree with Tal. You are way ahead of the game in that you know why he broke up with you and you know what you need to do. You are already figuring out so much, including that you are better off not staying in contact with him and having false hopes. Those hopes you still have now will fade in time, especially if you actively work on the important things in your life. I think those feelings he has about finding himself and not being ready for a commitment are very common. It sounds like he is doing what he needs to do for himself, and had the courtesy to be honest and upfront with you.

So, what do you do now? You take some time to figure out the direction you need to go. You are in your last year of college – that’s an exciting time. Are you doing all you can do to get ready for the job market? This means doing well in school, maybe doing an internship or working part-time in a job in your field, researching the possibilities of your major, talking to people who work in the area you are interested in (i.e. networking), etc.

You spend time with friends and family, enjoying yourself and relaxing. You spend time enjoying college, whether that means going to games, joining clubs, attending lectures … there are lots of choices. You don’t rush into a new relationship. Give yourself time to be single and accept the breakup. You do think about things you’d like to do – maybe something you used to enjoy but stopped doing, maybe something you always wanted to do. You look at the positive side of this. You now have so many options – including accepting a job anywhere you choose.

You will have good and bad days, but just keep making progress. You come across as very level-headed. Just know that if you stay positive you can do just about anything. Good luck.

[bre2011]

Yep, and that is all that I can do. Realized maybe it is best if I do not move somewhere for a guy. If in time he does really want to be with me, he can chase after me.. if I am not already loving my new life.

[Just Looking]

That's a great attitude. I'm very impressed by the way you think. Your positive attitude and willingness to accept change will take you far in life.

You will also find that as you graduate and start working, you will start maturing even more than now. Your interests and priorities change. It will be exciting to eventually meet new guys, and each one will teach you something new about yourself and what you want. There's no reason to be in a rush to find "the one". I had a couple of 3 year relationships (high school and college), and then dated quite a bit until meeting my new husband. I'm 28 now, and I'm very glad I didn't settle for the early relationships. We all had some growing up to do.

[bre2011]

Yep, he was a great guy and we have had lots of memories together but I think he has lots of growing up to do too. He says you never know what can happen down the road but to not wait around me him... so I am not going to do that. Not worth it.