[oliverwitten]

I have fathered my daughter for 4 years knowing she was not biologically mine, I do not a have a written or legal agreement with her mother but pay child support ever month, recently my daughter has state some things suggesting she has been molested by my brother, her mother spoke to my fiancé about this and then my fiancé and I turned it into srs the case is now closed and the srs officer thought my daughters mother was “bringing up past grudges to mislead my daughter.� Since this has all happened I have not been able to see my daughter, I have decided to get a paternity action to gain my rights to my daughter. Every lawyer I have spoke with has said I have a fair chance of getting my rights because I have been paying child support, have had my daughter at least every other weekend since her mother and I have separated, and have been a major part of her life since the day she was born. Now that I'm filing a paternity action her mother has hired a lawyer as well and she says I am wasting my time and money, because I'm not going to win the case. My only question is am I going to lose my daughter? She I everything to me even though I have came to terms with the fact that she is most likely not mine I do not want to lose her.

[ScottGem]

First ANY question on law needs to include your general locale as laws vary by area,

Second, we need more of a timeline. How old is the daughter? Were you with the mother when she was born (I gather you never married her). Are you on the birth certificate? Ever sign an acknowledgment of paternity?

[oliverwitten]

We live in Kansas my daughter is 4, I was with her mother at the hospital when she was born actually in the room, unfortunately I was videotaping her first bath when she signed the birth certificate so I am not on it. I was and am still a student but at the time of her birth I was at Oklahoma State so they did not live with me there but were often with me in Oklahoma, I decided to move back to Kansas and go to K-State where we all lived together, her mother never paid for rent, or bills, including grocery and clothing expenses. They moved out when my daughter was a year and a half, because we did not get along, after this I still had contact with my daughter, during school I had her every other weekend and during the summer I often had her Thursday- Tuesday. I have paid child support up until her mother stopped taking it when I called srs about the molestation issue, but have continued to put it into her savings account I have set up. I have never signed anything, however I am on her preschool paperwork as her father, and is recognized as her father with everyone. At this point I just want to get my rights to my daughter, but eventually I would like to fight for sole custody her and her mother live in low income housing, her mother is unemployed, and lives off her boyfriend.

[ScottGem]

Where is the bio father in this? That's the main problem you have.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, from a legal standpoint, you have been giving mother money, since it was not court ordered child support.

Also since there is no paternity and you are not the bio father, you have little rights to the child. I would rate it as slim chance of getting visitation rights, almost no chance of any joint or full custody.

[oliverwitten]

The bio father isn't known at this point? She told me it was one guy when she was pregnant and then a month before she was born she said that she told the state to stop looking for him because she didn't want him involved. After they moved put a year Ann a half later she said that the state had found him and he wasn't the father. She then said that she wouldn't give them any names because she wanted me to be in the daughters life. The person she says is the dad now is around but doesn't know anything because she lied to him and said the other guy was. I hope that made sense. Don't know what to believe at this point.

[ScottGem]

OK, It is very likely that a court will require that she name names and that the potential father's be contacted (or a good faith attempt be made to do so) to have them tested as well. I think that's going the major stumbling point.

Kansas law on this point is fairly standard, basically it follows the 'if it looks like a duck' principle. If you can be proven to have acted like the father and others have recognized you as the father you can be designated the father regardless of biology. But you better go into this with an attorney if she has one.

You made a BIG mistake by not getting on the birth certificate or not signing an acknowledge of paternity when she was born. You further compounded this mistake by not getting a court order of custody and visitation when you split. This is what will work against you.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[oliverwitten]

I know now looking at it I made a huge mistake by not signing the birth certificate but I was only 19 at the time and not aware that anything like this could happen.

[oliverwitten]

I'm looking a few lawyers who all say I have a unique case because I'm not trying to get out of her life. They all have also told me I have a good chance of getting parental rights because her mother has acknowledged to me as the dad.

[oliverwitten]

Can I ask why you feel this way? I have had numerous lawyers tell me it is not a far shot at getting paternal rights to my daughter because her biological father is not in the picture and she has thought me to be her father from birth.