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mazydazy · Dec 2, 2010, 11:26 AM

Hello All,
I've been out of the "dating, flings etc." for so long that I need to have some feedback on this situation. I've been in a "live-together" relationship for seven years which went sour some years ago, but we still live together: minus intimacy! The thing is, I was contented over the years to let things be, and I had no problem with the lack of sex in the relationship. However, I went on a recent vacation and met someone who I spent time with. I had no previous intentions of being with anyone and I don't know how this happened but I spent most of time with this person, hanging out, talking and being intimate! When I returned home; I was and still is messed up in my mind. Can't say that I know this person much and I know I'm not in love, but I can't stop thinking about them. It seems like I can't function, but that person is miles away. We have spoken to each other almost every day since I got home and I fall asleep and wake up thinking about them, although I never told them this. I've asked myself tons of questions like: What do I expect from it; How to move on; How to forget; Should I forget etc.etc. I need for you guys on the outside to analyze this for me and advise me PLEASE!

Andrew916 · Dec 2, 2010, 03:52 PM

Are you still technically in a relationship with the person you're living with?

talaniman · Dec 2, 2010, 04:43 PM

I don't buy that you don't know how it happened. You put yourself in a situation that you cheated on your partner, and made an excuse of lack of intimacy to justify it. You liked it so much, that your thoughts are consumed by it now. So consumed that you feel no guilt, because another ride would be nice if it weren't for the distance right? So you keep on cheating to see if another hook up can be arranged. Boy be nice if he was closer, wouldn't it? Or maybe you can go on another vacation??

Bottom line, it's a nice distraction from a dull loveless life and thrilling to actually do the wild thang again after sooooo long. Doesn't change the fact that instead of making a decision at home, you chose to be a cheater instead of a loyal partner.

That's my analysis. My advice is to be honest with your partner as you should have been looooong ago, and straighten the mess at home so you don't have to cheat, to be happy!

mazydazy · Dec 2, 2010, 05:20 PM

I hear you Talaniman! The thing is I am not making excuses about lack of intimacy in my relationship, I was really contented all these years and I do feel guilty! I know my partner doesn't deserve this!
Thanks for being as blunt as you are.

And... cheating doesn't make me happy... I feel terrible!

mazydazy · Dec 2, 2010, 07:40 PM

Well, we still live together and share the same bed, so I guess we are in a relationship.

talaniman · Dec 2, 2010, 09:55 PM

Sometimes Mazy, all we can do is admit we made a mistake, ask for forgiveness, and forgive ourselves, and try to do better going forward. All of us are ONLY humans after all. Some can do it, some cannot. Which are you? Which one do you want to be?

Chris0107 · Dec 3, 2010, 02:58 PM

You need to talk to your partner and get some sort of intimacy back. Obviously you crave it, and if it isn't fixed at home then you will probably cheat again!

jmjoseph · Dec 3, 2010, 03:08 PM

The question is, how long are you willing to waste your time in a "roommates only" relationship?

It's only human nature to want to be held, romanced, and be made to feel attractive again. The reason you're thinking about it so much is because it's what you want, and need.

Stop fooling yourself.

Aleeravilu · Dec 3, 2010, 11:37 PM

Completely agree with Jmjoseph, it's only human nature to want to cuddle and be cuddled, to hold and be held, to feel the ultimate attraction from and for his/her soul mate. Because you haven't been intimated for quite some times, it's natural for you to crave for it, even with someone who you don't love but feel physically attracted to.
The best thing you should do now is to stop contacting that person, because, as you said, you don't love that person. And you also said you felt guilty, but you still did it. Did you feel guilty during the time you were with the other person?
If you still want to maintain the current relationship, get rid of all of those thoughts. Talk to your partner about how you want more intimacy and try to fix the problem. If you still can't fix it, move on.