[JK191]

I've posted on these boards a fair bit about myself and my struggle with my will to live. I took a lot of your advice in hopes that it would lead me towards happiness, less chaos and possibly will to continue on living. I know 6 months isn't a lot of time but I feel like some change (even if minor) should've happened by now.

My wish for the "relief" of suicide hasn't changed at all after months of getting myself into social situations, seeing a psychologist, going to the gym, studying more and fixing eating and sleeping habits.

I feel as if life could've tossed me a small bone or something... I'm not even sure of how to go about my life AMHD...

[Wondergirl]

You've made ME a better person and helped me get through a rough patch in my life, so thank you for that.

[JK191]

Quite glad to hear that Wondergirl, you're welcome.

[ITstudent2006]

JK191- I am unsure if I have posted on any of your threads or on any threads started by others that you may have responded to so I took the time to re-read some past material to get a feel of who you are.

I notice that you have seen or are currently seeing a psychologist and the reason you went to one was for depression.

You describe yourself negatively as:
1. obcessive
2. having low self-esteem
3. lazy
4. arrogant (by others)
5. anti-social
6. socially akward
7. cynical

You also describe yourself as healthy, smart and eager.

You say you need recognition, afection, human contact, the feeling of being loved.

Does this sound about right?

Feeling alone in this world can be a heavy burden, feeling like no one is watching, listening or have any interest to do so. Feeling unloved by family and uninteresting to others. Like I said it canbe very rough on someone.

Let me tell you what I see when I read your threads.

I see someone who is tryng to be everybody's everything, trying to please everyone and listening to everyone's opinion about you. To me you sound like your healthy, intelligent, very eager, helpful, caring, but the one thing that bothers me is the fact that I think you're too much of a thinker.

What makes me think this?

When someone gets super pissed they usually resort to doing something that gets them away either physically or mentally. It's usually a place where they are at peace with themselves.

When you get pissed, you run. What do you do when you run? You think. Nothing else to do when running. You're a thinker my friend and sometimes you think yourself into a big hole.

The world needs somebody like you, it might not seem like it, not in your home, your school, city or state but somewhere in this world someone or something is caling your name.

What do you like to do for fun? I see you like to play video games and watch TV. What console do you prefer and what genre game? I too play video games and it gets me away a lot when I've had stressful days.

What are you majoring in at University? Also, I notice that in your post you say you got yourself into social events. What kind? Are they related to what you like to do?

Please respond as I am very interested into getting to know you a little bit better. Surprisingly you sound a lot like myself when I lived at home!

[JK191]

I'm majoring in Physics.

As for what I get myself into, mostly university events, the odd soccer match and the odd concert.

[ITstudent2006]

Well Physics is defintely one thing were we differ. I myself was a Computer Science major.

Do you like Music?

[JK191]

Mostly Heavy metal, yes.

[ITstudent2006]

Let me ask you something. And I realize you have stated this before but...

Right NOW! Why are you contimplating living, think about it? Write down what comes to mind, your issues, if you will!

[JK191]

I'm not contemplating living at all.

Heck, just last night my father threatened to kill me and I taunted him and called him a coward. He was about to beat me as well and frankly I didn't really care if he did. This man completely ruins all mood for everyone around here, he's a horrible husband, horrible father and overall a pathetic, weak and frail demented man.

And worst of all, he treats me and my sister like dogs or servants. No, servants get paid, we don't even get that.

Also, getting myself involved in social situations made me realise just how much I dislike them. I'm always bored in them and I find people dull and commonplace. I dread being asked "Do you want to go to a Bar" because people just look disappointed and confused when I say "No" and "because I don't like it" when they ask why. I'd much rather just have dinner with a couple of friends and have a friendly banter, shame that doesn't happen much.

I just don't want to live knowing I'll have to deal with these issues my entire life. It's kind of like watching a movie at a theater, if you've sat through half of it and you've seen nothing but a downright terrible movie, I don't think anyone would blame you from just leaving the theater.

[Wondergirl]

I just don't want to live knowing I'll have to deal with these issues my entire life. It's kinda like watching a movie at a theater, if you've sat through half of it and you've seen nothing but a downright terrible movie, I don't think anyone would blame you from just leaving the theater.

You're in school but will graduate before too long. Why stay there? You have the entire world at your disposal plus you are MALE. Plan to travel to Canada or the U.S. or even Brazil. You will probably like one of them so much, you will want to stick around. (I picture you in NYC or Chicago.) Think about it.

Your comment about watching a boring movie reminds me of Andy Warhol. Have you heard of him? (Andy Warhol - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) One of the films he made was called Sleep, which monitored a poet sleeping for six hours. Another film was of the side of the Empire State Building for eight hours. The film Eat consists of a man eating a mushroom for 45 minutes. You and Andy would have had fun together!

You are young and male and able-bodied and probably good-looking and well-educated and well-spoken. You have the world by the tail. I sure hate to think of you huddled in the corner feeling sorry for yourself.

[ITstudent2006]

plus you are MALE

What does that mean?

[JK191]

Seems like my suicidal desires disappeared as of late, a couple of problems also showed up but I'll deal with them in time. Thank you Wondergirl.

[Wondergirl]

What does that mean?

Try being a single female traveling alone in 2011. You can't do it. During the early '60s, I could travel ALONE on trains from the Chicago suburbs into Chicago, walk up and down the main and even side streets, both during the day and even during the middle of the night. I wouldn't even think of it now. If I were male, I might even give it a bit of thought nowadays.

Traditionally, a lone male can get around in the world pretty well. A lone female cannot.

[malixminor]

Go to a retirement home, or a hospital for the terminally ill. Bring flowers, say hi to people. You'll appreciate your life. :)