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thezappa · Nov 22, 2010, 12:48 PM

Was going out with my boyfriend for a year and Sunday week ago he broke up with me. We had a big fight the Saturday night before the Sunday over nothing and had been fighting a bit over the weekend but we made up or so I thought.

He said its just something he has to do but isn't sure about it. He says he loves me but just doesn't feel like he puts as much into the relationship as me and doesn't know if he wants to. We were both crying on the phone and he wanted me to ring him the next day but I didn't. He then rang me. He said its something he needs to do. No changing his mind as its what he feels right now. He said its really hard but he isn't happy with himself and can't give me what I deserve. He didn't want to do it and put me through so pain but he has too. He also said it won't be the last time we talk or see each other. He said he would contact me soon just needs to clear his head. Last thing he said was he loves me.

Then he text me the day after asking how I was. He said he is so messed up about this and that he is OK one minute and sad the next and that he feels terrible for hurting me and then asked to hear from me in a few days. He said he misses me and even used my pet name then told me he loves me. I told him not to tell me he loves me after breaking up with me. He said he needs time and just to give it a week and see where we are then.
We both agreed on not changing our Facebook status until the week was over, I found out last night he had the privacy setting on only I could see the relationship status where as no one else could and there I was with mine up for everyone to see. I was so hurt so I told him its over and I don't think I can be with him again and the week was just unnecessary. He said just stop this and give us a week please and then asked if I didn't mind can he call me in a week(which is only to be next monday) and if I do to tell him then. He said sorry for changing it and it was a f**k up of a bad decision and that he would just take it off like I had. And that he is just asking for a week, he needs time to realize what he wants and he is sorry and just give him some space please.

I feel so broken, I can't stop shaking. The thought of never seeing him or talking to him again just makes me cry. Only the day before it happened we were happy and madly in love and hanging out and just enjoying each others company. He said the past year was the happiest of his life, so why is he doing this?

What can I do? Is it definitely over?

He said he will probably regret it and the thoughts of never seeing me again or talking to me again made him cry but this was said the day of the break up(he did it over the phone)

Thing is I don't know if I'm going through the anger stage of grief but I don't think I could take him back, This past week has hurt me so much and because we were in contact the "space" week just keeps getting pushed back.. But I am doing no contact now and I haven't been on Facebook or anything and don't intend on doing so either.

Any advice on this situation would be great, I can't see it from an outside perceptive and I'm so confused as to why he wants the week if he doesn't think he'll change his mind.

Please help me, thanks for reading!
The zappa

Devorameira · Nov 23, 2010, 01:27 PM

I know how you feel - it's sheer torment to have someone who seems to be sitting on the fence.

It's true, even if he does comes back, you may never feel like you can totally trust him again with your heart. When you were feeling really secure in your relationship, he totally ripped it apart.

In my opinion, there's more going on with him than meets the eye. You'd be better off to just treat this as a break-up instead of a break, go complete no contact, and move on.

If he continues to bug you, block him from Facebook, and change your e-mail address and phone numbers.

answerme_tender · Nov 23, 2010, 02:51 PM

Why is he so hung up on being broke up for just a week? That's is really strange, why not 3 days. Is that how much time he needs to accomplish trying to get some other girls attention, appearing to be single. If that doesn't work then he will get back with you after the week in done. This doesn't add up on his part if you know what I mean.

I would just move on,if he is wanting his space let him have it. I would get out with friends, and start healing from this relationship. There is a guy out there for you who doesn't want to play mind games!! Good luck

thezappa · Nov 23, 2010, 03:04 PM

Thanks for the advice.

That's the thing. I don't know if he wants to get back. That's why I was asking if it seems that way.

I know for certain he isn't chasing any other girls. And if he was I would know about it as we have mutual friends and other reasons. So I know he isn't.

I think the reason why it turned into a week is because at first we kept talking to each other and he was confused. I think he wants to be him alone rather than him + 1.

I know I should just move on but I can't just let my best friend and lover who I spent a year getting to know and sharing my life with.

I guess I need to take the rest of this week to think of whether I want this relationship and not if he does.

I just don't know... He really is a lovely guy just isn't very good at communicating what he wants and he just makes things worse when he doesn't mean to.

He changed his Facebook back so everyone can see us in a relationship on his information page. But we are broken up and I am getting on with life. Its just hard to when I don't know what will happen on Monday.

Do you think he wants to get back and just needs this space for a week or is just going to turn around and say he can't do it?

answerme_tender · Nov 23, 2010, 03:43 PM

Honestly, not sure. Appears to be more of a ego thing. See how much control he has over the relationship. I think best approach is doing nothing. Let him come to you if he wants contact. I wouldn't contact in ANY form, including Facebook, just let him have his space that he wanted. When he does contact you, don't let him play the "I'm not sure game". He either wants this relationship or not. Keep us posted.

thezappa · Nov 23, 2010, 03:58 PM

I agree with you, I did say some nasty stuff to him when we had the fight the night before we broke up all off which I didn't mean as I was very intoxicated and it was by phone. I think I hurt his ego badly.

I have only been on Facebook once but haven't done anything, he has asked friends if I'm all right and is worried about me as I haven't been online or anything.

He said he would contact me on Monday so we'll see what happens. Thank you for the advice on not putting up with the I'm not sure game. As I have no idea what to say to him if he does ring. Ill just play it cool.

I will let you know how it goes, thank you :)

talaniman · Nov 28, 2010, 07:38 AM

Doesn't really matter what he wants, he dumped you for whatever reason and I think you should make this easy on you both and disappear from his life. That phone stuff and the excuses he gave were not what you would expect from a sincere partner, who is taking the easy way out, and being secretive to boot. What's worse is he wants you to keep the door open, JUST IN CASE!!

That would never work for me with out face to face honest details. How dare he make such big decisions without you having input, and over the phone to boot?

His regard for the relationship, and your feelings have much to be desired in my book. Sorry.

thezappa · Nov 28, 2010, 02:29 PM

His regard for the relationship, and your feelings have much to be desired in my book

Sorry I didn't really understand this line?
So you think he just doesn't care and that I should just move on?

talaniman · Nov 28, 2010, 03:01 PM

That last line was a summation of the entire post I made and means have nothing further to do with a guy who acted the way he does. Yes, have nothing to do with him as he will pull the same crap on you again when something bothers him. No he doesn't care enough in my opinion.

thezappa · Nov 28, 2010, 03:43 PM

Thanks, maybe your right. A friend explained what he may be feeling as he often feels like that himself. He said its not that he doesn't care he just feels its right because he is confused in his head about stuff and that it has nothing to do with the person just himself.

I don't know, only he does. Ill see if he does call tomorrow like he said he wanted to if he doesn't then I will know. If he does I will post what he says on here. Got to be honest I am nervous and I am preparing myself for the worst.

talaniman · Nov 28, 2010, 03:55 PM

How old are you both?

thezappa · Nov 28, 2010, 04:12 PM

Were both 21... young I know

thezappa · Nov 30, 2010, 04:34 PM

We broke up completely, no changing his mind.

He couldn't explain it to me so we met today to give back stuff and he tried explain... all I got from it was that he isn't happy with himself when he is alone and only happy when around me and can't depend on someone else to make him happy. So he wants to be alone and independent and when he is happy with himself then he can make someone else happy. Basically he hates relationships.
What I don't understand is if you love someone and as much as he says he does and care about them(he even got me a present) then you want to make it work with them. But I don't know...

I had a nice time though after the whole talking about it we decided on one last good laugh together so we reminisced and talked for a few hours and in the end we went our separate ways.

I did cry my eyes out on the bus journey home but I couldn't help that. Sure if its meant to be then we'll find away back to each other... if not we will live on.

Thanks