Check out some similar questions!

SensastiveMannn · Nov 22, 2010, 03:15 PM

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost 2 years now and we have had our ups and downs. She initially pursued me and I eventually started to hang out with her as friends with benefits then we started dating. I love this girl but it has been hard for me at times to deal with being paranoid or suspicious of her cheating on me on a few occasions.

For example, one of her guy friends whom I later became friends with over time before we started dating lives out of state and needed a place to stay so I let him stay over my parents house in the extra bedroom. One night, we all went out to a show and stayed out late drinking and I woke up early to got to the bathroom but my girlfriend was already out of bed at this early hour, which is normal because she is a morning person. However, when I went to see if my friend was awake, I knocked on the door and got no response then tried opening the door only to find it was locked, so then I unlocked it and the doorway was blocked by the TV stand so then I tried forcing my way in to see my friend's back to me where I couldn't see my girlfriend so by the time I was able to open the door to see in there I asked "What are you guys doing?" to which my girlfriend replied sitting on a chair facing him saying they were "Just talking". I looked at them both in almost a disappointed expression and stunned then walked out and back into my room. I don't remember what happened after that but I just did nothing and sat in my room where my girlfriend came back to the room later and it was like I didn't even see them in there.

Now this sounds strange but I didn't act on anything I saw. The only thing I saw was my friend's back to me fully dressed but any other sign of these events would make me believe that she was doing something shady in his bedroom while I was sleeping next door to them. The worst part is that this event happened over a year ago and I never did anything. It is our two year anniversary tomorrow and all of a sudden I thought of this event today the day before we celebrate 2 years together. What do I do? Do I confront her? I have been paranoid for the past year and have accused her on occasion of cheating on me (not related to this event) but with no proof. My family loves her and it makes it even harder to confront her about this now a year later. Do I wait and see if she tries to cheat on me so then I can confront her? The only evidence I have is that day. Any advice?

Enigma1999 · Nov 22, 2010, 03:39 PM

"I knocked on the door and got no response then tried opening the door only to find it was locked, so then I unlocked it and the doorway was blocked by the tv stand so then I tried forcing my way in to see my friend's back to me where I couldn't see my girlfriend so by the time I was able to open the door to see in there I asked "What are you guys doing?" to which my girlfriend replied sitting on a chair facing him saying they were "Just talking"."

I don't like any of this here in your statement. Was this one out of many examples why you feel this way, or was this the one and only time you felt uneasy about the relationship?

On one hand I don't like the fact that you unlocked his door, then tried to push your way through. He is a guest with the door locked. HOWEVER, on the other hand, I REALLY don't like the fact that A- after you knocked, he didn't answer, and B- why is the door locked with a TV stand in the way while she is in there?

I can absolutely see where you are coming from. Instead of going to your room and not saying anything about it, why didn't you ask her why the door was locked with a TV stand in the way of the door?

I think that you need to confront her. I mean, you can't go on like this. Not being able to trust her and worring all of the time. That's not a way to live. When you do talk to her, talk in a calm manner. Give her the benefit of the doubt. After two years of going together, you guys should be able to communicate.

SensastiveMannn · Nov 22, 2010, 04:03 PM

Enigma1999:

Thank you for your response. Our 2 year anniversary is tomorrow and I am not a type of person to confront others. However I realize this is something I need to talk to her about. I am not sure if I should bring it up tomorrow but when would a good time be?

This is not the only time I felt uneasy about our relationship. However early on when we first started dating, I cheated on her while on vacation and I told her. That was almost 2 years ago now and I felt ever since then that maybe she is cheating to get back at me. I have some trust issues and I have accused her of cheating on me before without evidence only suspicion but when I got to work at night on a Friday evening, I get paranoid however I am learning to control my paranoia and just relax more.

I still have feelings for this girl and really have been avoiding that event and confronting her about it because I don't have many friends outside her and our guy friends. But again I understand that if this is something more serious than I had anticipated, I need to confront her and my friend.

simii · Nov 24, 2010, 03:29 PM

I think you should just confront her what ever is there in your mind because being this way how many years of anniversary you celebrate it won't matter you both have been together for 2 years that much communication develops between 2 people that they can say what ever they have in there heart and till what time you will be this way and doubting her and your love and if she is cheating. You will come to know about it eventually so don't go on that track just confront her what ever you have in mind and rest let time decide... till that time enjoy your love with her may be when you confront her nothing of what you are thinking right now will be there so just confront and let yourself free from that thought...
Hope everything goes well for you god bless

talaniman · Nov 28, 2010, 05:18 AM

A serious wound that goes untreated festers, and spreads infection through out the relationship. You should have communicated honestly then, and should now. Without honest communications you can never heal, and be happy, or have a healthy relationship.

No need to confront, but do talk about what the events have made you feel, so you can both work on whatever solution that's is required.

jon_c · Apr 5, 2011, 01:57 AM

Was browsing through the internet and even though this was posted back in Nov. 2010. I can relate to how you must feel. I actually just passed my two year anniversary with my girlfriend. Thing is, in the first year of our relationship, I had a real good reason as well to believe something went on with someone else. More than once. The quick story with mine was.. She was friends with her best friends husband. And he was over there one night.. thought nothing of it really, then he was over again a few months later.. this time drinking. Again at this point I am not liking the whole drinking alone at her house, but I am thinking in my mind this is her best friends husband. Her best friend is the one who dropped him off.. what I didn't find out until later was that they actually had fooled around, had sex behind her so called best friends back... so it ponders on my mind.. I had asked her before if anything had happened, this being of course after I found out the truth about the stuff that went on, she does not know that I know this stuff still, but I asked her if they ever did anything and she said "no" then I asked if she was ever unfaithful within the first year of our relationship... she insisted that nothing had ever happened between the two of them, and had never cheated on me at all. The problem, as you can imagine, is the fact that I know they have done things in the past.. and put them alone a couple times with alcohol.. and what am I supposed to think? Or what would you think? I had brought it up a couple times because it bothered me that bad because I new the truth of the past with this person.. before me.. and still today I feel she did when she was with me in the first year of our relationship.

Anyway the second time I brought it up.. I said so you mean nothing ever happened ever, even before me? Or he never made an advance or said anything in the past seeing how you two hung out drinking? I know two people can be friends, male and female, and drink together and nothing happen.. but with what I know.. what am I supposed to think.. so she did say he said to her once that he wished he had of met her first but that was it... So what would you think?

So there you go.. now I see someone in a similar situation.. Some might say.. if you didn't do anything about it then.. and your with her now... either move on or get over it.. it is more knowing the truth and being played for a fool behind my back.. I can't tell her how I found out this info.. but the fact is I know it and it is true. Just do not know for sure those times in the first year of our relationship.