[GiNa_BuG]

My name is eugenia, I'm 22, and I'm from California. I've recently started looking into finding my biological father. At this point, all I know is that his name is {personal info removed} my parents were never married, and I have no social security number for him as my mother refused to put any info regarding him in my hospital paperwork or any of the paperwork she filed for public assistance. To compound the problem, she refuses to give me any information either. She ripped up and burned any pictures I'd ever had of him when I was about 8, so I don't even really have any memory of what he looks like. I've looked through thousands of phone books, scoured popular social networking sites {personal info removed} (paying special attention to sites containing both names), and I've gone to nearly every free people-finding-background-checking site know to man. *whew!* anyhoozit, I guess my question is: where do I go from here? Any and all advice would be appreciated greatly. Thanks in advance!

[joypulv]

I'd go back to Mom. Find a time when you two are happily getting along and gently tell her that the mystery is making you more and more curious, and can she please help relieve your mind with just a few facts - how many years apart were they, what was his middle name, did he spell his first name differently, where was he from and where might be have gone? Try not to ask all at once or indicate that you are searching. Ask her if she is willing to talk about what was awful in the relationship and tell her that you appreciate all she did for you as a single parent.
Keep in mind that he could be dead, in prison, or out of the country. He could just be off grid, filing no taxes, census forms, having no credit cards, no voting record. He could have legally changed his name. He could be homeless.

[GiNa_BuG]

Unfortunately, that's not an option. I recently found out from my grandparents that he called their place roughly two years ago looking for me, and she intercepted the message. They all heard it, and he left a number apparently. When I asked her for the number, she told me he had only called for her, not me, and that she didn't copy the number down because "we" want nothing to do with him. She's under the impression that it's none of my business because that was HER relationship not mine, and he never wanted me in the first place. She informed me she "is looking out for my best interests even if i will not." That's also what she cites as her reason for refusing child support - so she would have no future legal obligation to him in order to "protect" me. She is adamant in her refusal to help me until SHE "feels i'm ready, and not a second beforehand." and yes, I am aware that he could be dead, in prison or off the grid. She's reminded me of that every time I've brought up the subject, usually coupled with snide remarks as to why I would bother looking for him anyway. I've tried every which way but loose in my approach to her, all to no avail. I've literally hit a brick wall.