[babymomma08]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years he is 22 and I am 20. We have a 2 year old together. Before our son we were having sex like normal then I got pregnant and like I assumed it slowed down. After I had our son I lost all the baby weight right away thankfully and thought things would go back to normal. Maybe I'm over exaggerating but shouldn't people as young as we are want sex more then once every 2 weeks. Especially him being a male. I have tried talking to him about it but he just blows it off and says he's tired, doesn't feel good, or not all guys like to have sex all the time. I know its not him cheating because well for one I know him and secondly we live together and we share a close group of friends and a phone bill. ;) he's completely in love with me and we plan on getting married.. but I want to be done with school. Idk what is going on but its been like this for 2 years now and I don't know how much longer I can stand it. I feel like he is just ignoring a need of mine that he doesn't have to be ignoring. Its not like its something horrible to do! Ha. I don't know just help me out in anyway you can. Thanks.

[babymomma08]

Also we aren't together all the time so that wouldn't be a reason... :s otherwise.. I probably would have figured that out in the past two years.. ha and I've tried giving more space then before and still nothing!

[CravenMorhead]

I believe you've answered your own question. Stress and being tired are two of the major Libido killers.

Once those are out of the way you should be able to ramp that up.

Good Luck!

[kp2171]

If you can't talk openly and honestly about dreams, goals, money, frustrations, and sex... its tough to make it last.

Read a book by gary chapman called five love languages. Easy to get softcover used online. Basically shows that people communicate commitment through five different ways and its important to understand both what you are most receptive to and how you most likely act out to show love.

For ex... there was a time when a love and I were feeling at odds often. We both kept feeling like the other wasn't paying attention... and when both people are saying this, there's likely missed communication.

So... puttered through the book. Thought about it. Talked about it. By the way... I love reading books and sharing them with a partner because it gives you something external and tangible to talk about instead of saying "why dont you ever..." or "you frustrate me because"...

So... the five ways are 1) intimate touch 2)words of affirmation 3) gifts 4) acts of service and 5) quality time.

I am extremely responsive to intimacy and words of affirmation. Used to get into a tailspin when a lover would be pi$$y in talk or hold out sexually or just plain physical distance. I like skin on skin. Being next to her, against her. I don't need to be joined at the hip at all, but if a lover can go the whole day without putting her arms around me... then we're just wired differently. Half of my issues with my last big relationship were tied to distance physically, and I'm talking about more than just sex here. She kissed differently, touched differently, kept more distance when she was with another man secretly. I could sense it.

So... while I look for all areas... I know how I'm wired. That helps me understand if I'm "off" what might be going on.

Likewise... I tend to show commitment through acts of service (I like to do things for others) and intimate touch, with words of affirmation thrown in there. I compliment, even when I probably should just shut up, I've already mentioned how much physical touch means to me inherently, and I like to accomplish things for another. Like running down the task list.

Problem was my partner didn't give a damn at the time of whether id put out flowers in the hanging baskets or whether I was cleaning the carpet. Shed come home after a hard days work and didn't want to talk, didn't want to touch, just wanted to veg and wanted me to be there. Even though we were doing nothing, her quality time was just being together in that moment of doing nothing.

Same conflict happened at bedtime. Since she was 12 she'd always read herself to sleep. It was a life rhythm. Of course, id get into bed and wanted attention, connection, a focus on me. Big conflict there.

Understanding how we both acted out love and how we were naturally responsive to it didn't solve our problems. In fact, id say it helped us understand how off we were for each other. But... I think it's a good book to read.

Its like a table... the fewer strong legs to support it, the easier it is to topple. We all likely favor one or two of the "love languages"... but we should seek out and recognize the others...

All of this said... it does not mean your partner gets a free pass because he acts out commitment in different ways. Yes, being tired affects libido. Stress is a very well known cause of decreased libido.

So?

That doesn't mean he gets to say I'm tired and that's that. Well, actually he does get to do that... but you aren't obligated to accept that answer.

You must be able to go to him and talk to him about your needs and his feelings and have it not be defensive and posturing. And that's tough.

So... read the book. Mark pages you find interesting. Give it to him and ask him to read it. It isn't long. It isn't hard. If he refuses... well... that itself is telling.

Problems in the bedroom are so often tied to issues outside of it. He sounds like he's in a rut. You sound neglected and hurt. There are ways to find middle ground, but they take intent and work. Hope he's willing to put in a little time, thought, and willing to risk a little.