[xx_sam_xx1988]

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 11 months now. We used to have sex every day and then slowly it started slowing down. I just assumed it was because we were getting used to being with each other and I knew our sex life wouldn't be like it was when we first got together all the time.
But the last month has been non existent. He won't even touch me anymore. A lot has happened recently, I was diagnosed with depression and knew I was pushing him away so I went to the doctors and got sorted.
Then I had a miscarriage but didn't know I was pregnant. In between all this when my boyfriend and I slept together it used to really hurt and ended up having an operation to find out what the problem was.
Then I found hed been txting another girl and confronted him about it. He said she was just a friend and was helping her out as she had just been dumped.
I started to then think that he was scared of getting me pregnant again or hurting me which was why we stopped sleeping together and he just said he didn't know.
I even started accusing him of being or sleeping with someone else.
He denies everything and says he still loves me and wants to be with me.
Its now come to the point that I won't even get changed in front of him because I just feel so ugly and dirty and hate the way I look because he doesn't even bat an eyelid if I come into the room when I've just got out the shower or I'm getting dressed in front of him.
Ive lost count the amount of times I've spoken to him about it but it just doesn't get anywhere and I'm the one who ends up in tears. All I want is for him to want me again.

But, I'm also thinking it could be one other thing. He lost his dad nearly 3 years ago and his brothers just been diagnosed with depression, so I'm now thinking maybe my boyfriend is going through the same thing. He says he can't talk to anyone, not even his family about how he's feeling. But I'm also thinking that if he is finding it hard to deal with then wouldn't he have been like this from the word go?

What upsets me is that he used to sleep around and doesn't know how many girls he's slept with, but he said that he's now a changed person and he's not like that anymore. But I keep asking him the same question... if you can sleep with that many girls, why won't you sleep with me anymore?

I love him so much, I just can't leave him. I just don't know what else to do.

[Romefalls19]

You have just described a lot of reasons for a guy to be worried about sleeping with you.

1. Pregnancy, HUGE problem for a lot of guys. It's a wake up call
2. You are depressed and don't like how you look, sex isn't much fun when you are depressed and I bet you talk about your "imperfections" it's a turn off.
3. Last time, you were in pain and had to have an operation. I would be scared that I would hurt you again.(maybe that's just me)
4. He could be depressed, and the constant berating of comments from you about not having sex takes it's toll.

Think about things this way, guys have feelings too, the image of a guy always wanting sex isn't true. We have times when we don't want to, are upset, something is bothering us and we just aren't in the mood for it.

[talaniman]

I think your falling into the same trap many people fall into. When we are faced with personal issues we cannot face the issues our partner is going through. Communications and support breaks down and that makes things worse. Not only are you dealing with your issues and his, I also suspect your both still learning things about each other that's less than what you expected. Quite the dilemma, since you both expect better results without the talking and listening part.

I can only suggest you back up, and see a bigger picture, in that you both seem to have issues you can't see, or unwilling to acknowledge, there fore are no help to each other.

Healthy couple reach out to each other, and gain the emotional support to get through the hard times, but its not happening here, as your not satisfied that he is ignoring your issues for his own.

Lack of sex is only the tip of the iceberg, as there is no trust or confidence in each other. Worse the blame game is starting.

Get the talking, and listening going, or this will be over before you know it, if its not already. Sorry.