[romorr]

My adult son's marriage has broken up and he has a 5 year old daughter, he is very protective naturally of her however he constantly tells me we are bad parents and he knows best how to bring her up. He says that his father never showed him any love when he was growing and that I was not much of a mother (I have done everything for him). My husband and son constantly fight, my heart is breaking, my husband threatens to leave if I support his son, we do everything for my granddaughter and love her deeply and I feel that my son is jealous of our relationship with her but also still angry over his marriage breakdown (due to his behaviour).My son is rude, aggressive, selfish, hurtful in particular to me and my husband will not tolerate his behaviour anymore. When my son comes into the house - he will go into another room or go to bed. He has told me to tell him not to come here ever again and that he will see our grandduaughter through her mother. I have never felt so desperate in my life, I long for my son and his father to have a loving retlationship (my husband tells me he loves his son but does not like him).

[serenemeadow]

Sounds like your son is the abusive type, judging from his behavior to his own parents and his divorce. I am in no position to give advice but all I can say is try going to a professional counselor. I think they can help with your son and husband's relationship, as well as help your son become a real man. Good luck, I sincerely hope everything turns out good in the end.

[answerme_tender]

I'm sorry, but its time for some tough love for your son. This your house, not his. No one should have to tolerate out and out disrespect in their own home. You need to advise him that you understand he is going through a difficult time, but he is a guest. If he cannot improve his attitude towards both you and your husband then he will need to find another place to live within a weeks time. THEN STICK TO YOUR GUNS! You are not doing him any favors by not making him face his problems and also making him choose to improve his life. Letting him dwell and make your husbands life miserable isn't helping him.

He may very well, get all ticked off and yell and curse you out, and yes even leave, but you cannot ruin your life because of his depression. I would also check yourself with a counselor see what their suggestions are, even check with your clergy.

If you are concerned about your granddaughter, then check with a attorney about grandparent rights, if they actually have them in your state or not.

I wish you the very best.

[mystific]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to answerme_tender again

Answered perfectly.

Time to start acting like an adult rather than a petulant child. He has a child that will look up to him and see the way he treats you and your husband. Is that the kind of behaviour he's going to condone in his house?

Doubtful.

I do feel for your predicament though, its your granddaughter caught in the crossfire, problem is he feels he can say or do whatever he likes because you'll allow him to do so while he has his granddaughter as you won't turn her away. Eliminate his power of leverage.

Good Luck.

[Wondergirl]

My suggestion is stop fighting and arguing with your son. That will be difficult for your husband, I realize, but it might begin to turn the tide if your son gets absolutely no energy put into his bad behavior.

Your granddaughter lives with her mother, right? And you have easy access to your granddaughter, so that your son, the girl's father, can see her when he visits you? Does your son live with you or somewhere else?

I don't understand "he has told me to tell him not to come here ever again and he will see our granddaughter through her mother."

Anyway, back to my original suggestion, do your best not to respond to your son's anger. Don't encourage him to retort back and get angrier. Say something pleasant or offer him a snack or cookies, or just smile and get busy with something.

A counselor in your area could give you tips and helps and encouragement in finding other ways to get through this and possibly begin to mend the relationship between father and son.