[blondie34]

My husband has asked for my help in composing a letter to his daughter who is 18 years old, we do not know were to start the last time we saw her was 6 years ago and only recently she has moved 5 minutes away with her gran and granda this is tearing us apart as we would love her to be part of our family but just don't know how to start the letter. Please help!!

[shygrneyzs]

How about just being honest? Since she is only five minutes away, why not ask her over for a meal? Or to meet her someone for lunch? Got to break the ice somehow and breaking bread together is a good way to start.

Your husband can say in his letter than while he has not seen her in 6 years, he would love to get to know her better, as she allows. Respecting her right to privacy also. Keep the door open for her, but do not demand or hold expectations. He can make the first move, then it is up to her. I would say pray about this too - The Lord can open doors and hearts that man cannot.

Good luck to you both.

[ScottGem]

What has happened in the intervening 6 years? What happened before that? Has there been NO contact in the intervening time (not birthday cards, holiday cards, etc.)

We really need to know more about the history and dynamics of their relationship to help.

[blondie34]

My husbands first marriage broke up due to her having an affair and getting caught in the act she gave him the ultimatium that he can either see his daughter and his mother and father and family won't or he gives her up and his family can see her and this is what he done I then met my husband 2 years later and I put the cat among the pigions as they say because I did not agree with it and encouraged him to fight for his girl this ruffelled a few feathers with his family but my main concern was for my husband and his daughter (none of the cared they only wanted what was best for them) we done all we could but the ex keeped moving around any we could never find them. Until recently that is when we found out from his mother that she has moved in with her grandparents as she does not get along with her mother and they have moved 5 minutes away from our house and this has now caused my husband so much heartache as he blames himself for not fighting harder and given into the demands of his family.

[ScottGem]

Ok, that helps. I would say to her that I am sorry I haven't been able to be a bigger part of her life. Tell her that her mother made him make a choice when they divorced and he did what he thought would be best for her. Go on to say that he regrets that choice and would appreciate it if she would consider letting him be part of her life now. Invite her to dinner or a lunch.

I do have to say that I really find it hard to understand what went down in the divorce. According to you the mother was caught In flagrante delicto
And SHE was issuing ultimatums?? She's lucky he didn't get physical custody. For her to dictate ANY terms of the divorce is surprising. He must have had a wimp of an attorney.

One thing I would also recommend is that neither of you bad mouth the mom. Even though the daughter apparently doesn't get a long with her, you need to take the high road here. Your hubby needs to stress that he regrets the choice HE made and wants to make amends as best he can.