[Lolo888]

The story is that I've just turned 19 yesterday and haven't been with my boyfriend who just turned 20 on halloween, for very long. We've been together from end of July. Prior to July we've been close friends for the past 7 or so years.. I've just started studying medicine at university and have had to move from ireland to scotland which had immediately made things really hard, but before I agreed to start dating him I made him promise me that he would not split up with me over ''distance''.

He came over on the 29th October to stay until today (2nd nov) and he complained the WHOLE weekend about how where I am staying is sooo boring and how awful it is.. we haven't been sexual at all as he doesn't believe in sex before marriage but always says to me that he loves me which I totally accept but it makes it even harder again when I'm here and he's across the water in ireland if we're lasting on just a kiss..

I guess what I'm saying is how do I break the news to him.. I have no other way to do it that via the phone but I'm struggling to know what to stay! Can anyone please help? X

[Enigma1999]

First of all, it won't be an easy way no matter what.

I would just be honest with him.

[Just Looking]

I was in a long distance relationship for 18 months. We lived about 2,000 miles apart, so I too broke up over the phone. It was very emotional for me, so I started by writing out the main points I wanted to address and why I thought the relationship couldn’t progress any further. I thought he was a great guy, so I wanted to give him a full explanation. At the same time, nothing was new to him. We had discussed it all in earlier conversations. We had tried to work on the issues. First, be sure that this is what you want. If you are sure try the following.

Write a summary of what you want to say. I practiced what I was going to say in my head until I had the right words, though of course it was just a general idea. It changed as we interacted. Try to stay calm. Be direct and get right to the point of the call. Don’t place blame. Be respectful and listen to what he has to say, but don’t let it drag on. It won’t be easy or pleasant, but try to keep it as “nice” as possible. You should read the stickies in this forum about breaking up, no contact, and what to expect. Even though you are the one breaking up, you will most likely have a reaction to this. Be prepared.

As to what to say, be honest. You know why you want to break up. Don't feel bad about the promise made about long distance. No one knows what an LDR is like until they are in it. It sounds romantic at first, but it is hard work. You need to concentrate on school now. Medicine is a very hard field, as you know. Good luck.

[Lolo888]

Thanks.. that's a good idea..
Ill write the pros and cons of the relationship.. I won't but any blame on him its just me.. I am incapable of doing the whole LDR thing.. I've given it a try.. thanks x

[talaniman]

Don't know why you just didn't tell him before he left, but don't drag this out any further than need be.

[Lolo888]

Because I didn't want to make things awkward for my other guests who would be travelling home with him.. I will do it. I just need to figure out what I'm going to say..