[Xosej]

The girl I like is a lesbian what do I do?

[Cat1864]

I will guess that this isn't the girl with the boyfriend you were asking about in May.

If she is a lesbian and you are male, then you leave her alone. If she has a girlfriend, you definitely leave her alone. If she is bi-sexual and has a partner (male or female), you leave her alone.

Now, what you do for yourself is to take a step back and look at what you want in a relationship. I highly doubt one of your criteria is a person who is thinking about someone else. Then get involved in things such as volunteering or classes where you will come into contact with females who have the qualities and interests you are looking for. Next ask females who are available (not lesbian and/or in relationships) out on dates. Don't look to get involved in serious relationships with every female you like.

Have fun. Enjoy dating.

[talaniman]

Look like you have another friend here buddy but doesn't look very promising for love, and romance.

[Xosej]

Oh well looks like I can't really do much on this one
But hey at least I found another good friend right? I'll just keep going forward till I find the right one, no use dwelling on what could've been, thanks guys

[Cat1864]

Oh well looks like i can't really do much on this one
but hey at least i found another good friend right? I'll just keep going forward till i find the right one, no use dwelling on what could've been, thanks guys

Good friends are very hard to find. Treasure each one you do.

You will find someone to date someday. Have fun looking.:)

[Xosej]

Hello again guys, Im posting this question on this because it pertains to the same girl as I talked about. Okay I can't remember when I posted this question but ever since I did is the preety much the last time I heard of her, I don't know how long it was since I talked to her, but to my surprise she called me yesterday saying she needed to talk with someone. It was around 1am when she called me, I was half asleep, she said hi how I was doing and stuff you know the usual questions, I said "okay how bout u?" she said "actually not so good, i need to ask for ur advise" I was surprised since I hadn't talked to her at all, I said "okay I'm here for ya, I'm listening" she told me that it wasn't working out with her girlfriend and her that she's going crazy because everyday they're fighting and that she's sick of it, that she's thinking of not beign with her anymore "what should I do?" she asked. I told her "I'm not very good at giving advice on this sort of stuff but I'll try my best, first of all relax and clear ur head, it wont do ya any good if ur all gittery and stuff, U should really think long and hard about this, it is not easy getting out of a relationship, yes it will hurt the both of ya, but u have to think about what u really want and what makes u happy, it is a choice u have to make by yourself, don't let what i say or anybody else influenze that answer, I wont lie to u, there will always be fights and arguments in a relationship, its part of the process of growing up together, but its also up to u if u think its worth it or not, its not healthy to keep fighting everyday because of jealousy or because shes mad and takes it out on you, I just want you to know that if u need to talk with somebody wether it be to unstress or just to clear your head, I'm here to listen okay"

So my question is Did I do the right thing? Did I give the correct advice? I don't want to be the cause of them breaking up or anything, I feel really bad and confused, confused because she came to me instead of her closest friends, she rarely talked to me, we just met for a couple of weeks, and ever since she confessed that she was a lesbian to me we just lost contact, I won't lie to you, I did have feelings for her, but now Im not sure what to think, any advice would be appreciated

[talaniman]

I think your advice was dead on, and you should have no regrets, guilt, or second thoughts going forward.

[I wish]

Sounds like fair advice. Good job!

As for your possible feelings for her. She's a lesbian and who knows if she will ever consider dating men again. If you can handle a friendship with her, then I don't see why not. But if you're only friends with her in hopes that she will one day return her feelings to you, then you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

[beachloverjohn]

You acted as a friend should. She asked you for advice and you gave it. It's not what you said {which was fine by the way} it's how you said it. And you said it as friend with no expectations. You like this girl, and you kept your cool. Nice job..

[Xosej]

Thanks for all your help guys, I really appreciate it, and if you have any questions for me I'll gladly answer them

[Xosej]

UPDATE:

Ok guys, so my friend calls me out of nowhere "again" yesterday saying that she returned from Douglas, the conversation went on for like an hour and a half, most of it we were both quiet, me listening to what she was saying, the most important topics that came up "i think" were when she told me that she did end up breaking up with her girlfriend, again I didn't really respond that much just listened, the other topic was that after she had already made plans to stay at her house and keep working, a plan that she was happy with because it would really help her out because she would be calm and not act crazy, her girlfriend talked to her again sort of messing up with her head and plans a bit, she said she didn't know what to do and that it would really help if I could talk with her, towards the end she told me if I could go visit her since she wanted to talk to me in person, I got a little confused as to why she "needed" to talk face to face also she lives like 45 to 50 miles away form me but I said okay, TODAY: so after I got out of college at 2pm I call her to see if she still wanted to meet up, no answer... 30 minutes later no answer... another 30 minutes later no answer... well I tought maybe she is busy, but since she insisted on me going over I decided to go anyway, when I get to her house there is no one there, waited for an hour to see if she would come home, she didn't, so I just went home, I did get a little mad I'll admit, but just shrugged it off, I started to get worried so I called her again at 1130pm, a time I knew she would be home, somebody picked up the phone but suddenly hung up, I was like ***!. so my question is, if she insisted on me going over to "talk" why did she ignore me, and should I even try to help her out anymore? (sorry if I sound mean or angry, its because I am a little ticked off) any advice would be appreciated

[talaniman]

I honestly fail to see the point of going so far when you have not even let her know you were coming, or why you would even go that extra mile for a pep talk. If she really needed to talk so bad, she would be calling you, and setting something up, and I think in the future that's what has to happen, but really that's what phones are for. I mean a two hour round trip to talk is a bit much.

[I wish]

Your feelings for her is clouding your judgment on how to proceed. You really need to find a way to get over her so that you don't keep bashing your head on the wall.

Unfortunately, she didn't do you any favors by calling you and making you feel like she needed you. But, she only called you because she needed a shoulder to cry on at that moment. The fact that she wasn't picking up your calls anymore after that means that she didn't need you anymore. So forcing yourself onto her won't do her any good. IF she needed you, she would have contacted you.

Take a hint, she's ignoring you for a reason, because she doesn't need it anymore. If she needed you again, she will find a way to contact you.

[slapshot_oi]

. . . towards the end she told me if i could go visit her since she wanted to talk to me in person. . . when i get to her house there is no one there, waited for an hour to see if she would come home, she didnt, so i just went home. . . i called her again at 1130pm, a time i knew she would be home, somebody picked up the phone but suddenly hung up. . . so my question is, if she insisted on me going over to "talk" why did she ignore me, and should i even try to help her out anymore? (sorry if i sound mean or angry, its because I am a little ticked off) any advice would be appreciated

She ignored you because she didn't want to see you. She suggested--she wasn't insisting--you to come see her because she felt bad for calling you, out-of-the blue, just to have a lot of awkward silence and talk about herself and her recent break-up.. . For an hour and a half. If she really wanted to see you, she would've asked you to come over within the first two minutes of talking to you.

It's really lousy that she did that, but she just broke up with her girlfriend, hence the awkward behavior.

To answer your second question, don't try to help her out anymore. She can handle herself, worry about yourself.

[Xosej]

Thanks for your responses guys, so yeah ill just keep to my plans, but honestly I won't be a jerk and not answer if she calls me again, but yeah... I think ill just ignore her for a bit, I have my own probs to take care of, also about my feelings for her, they aren't those of love or anything like that, so please don't assume that I'm doing this just so that she can like me or anything like that, just thought that I should clear things up, but yeah thanks again for your responses guys

[Xosej]

Jeje well that's why I was calling her in the first place, to let her know I was on my way, and the reason I went that day is because we "did" set it up since it was the day I was off work, but your right, thanks for your response I apprecate it