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Hottrodder246 · Oct 31, 2010, 11:39 AM

I was dating this girl for just a little over a month and previous to that we started talking and hung out for a few weeks before we became official. Anyway, during our relationship we seemed to have a pretty good connection, the physical attraction was amazing and we started talking about we were starting to fall for each other near the end of the 1st month. During when we were official we had a tendency to get into arguments about really dumb things, most of them being stupid sarcastic stuff I said. Yes, its in my nature to have a sarcastic attitude sometimes but I don't usually mean it and she took it offensively and claimed I wasn't respecting her. I also have a bad habit of being negative and sometimes losing my temper, but she always tells me I have a good heart and I am a good guy. We went out a couple nights ago and had an amazing time, laughing and dancing, it was great. But, when we got back to my house, I said something stupid again and she got upset and broke up with me. After that, she left and when she got home she text me saying she doesn't know if she wanted to break up and she said she felt our feelings for each other could get us through anything but her gut is telling her to break up. I agreed with her and afterwards we both slept on it and spoke the next day. That next day we came to conclusion to officially break up but continue to "see each other" monogamously. We both want the same thing... to work towards a healthy relationship. So what I'm asking is if anyway has had experience with taking a step back in order to move in the right direction. Am I wasting my time or does it sound like this could work out? I would really appreciate any advice :)

Homegirl 50 · Oct 31, 2010, 11:46 AM

You're breaking up so you can move in the right direction with each other? That makes no sense.
If you are going to break up, do it and be done with it. It sounds as though there is more friction than smooth sailing.

Hottrodder246 · Oct 31, 2010, 11:55 AM

I guess I should have been a little more clear. We broke up because we felt we went to fast and we weren't ready for a relationship. When we talked about it, we both thought it would take some pressure off each other and give us some breathing room. We want to be together, but not have so much friction, like you just said.

none12345 · Oct 31, 2010, 12:09 PM

Yea, it seems like you guys got involved too fast. What you need is to slow things down and have fun first and get to know the person more be4 gettingto into a relationship. You could let her know how you feel, and if she doesn't respond the way you would like, then maybe its time to move on.

talaniman · Oct 31, 2010, 12:56 PM

I think you have a history of getting involved too fast, and staying too long. May I suggest you have other things to do besides be with her? That would slow you down, and at least you can see if it was just LUST, or do you have other things in common, because when the lust fades, what's left? Nothing it seems.

You can't just hook up with a girl, kiss cuddle, and have sex, and think it's a great relationship, in just a few weeks, or even a few months.

Too much, too fast, crash and burn!

Hottrodder246 · Oct 31, 2010, 01:13 PM

Ya very true, I'm not really worried about it, I'm not smothering her, I'm doing my own thing. I do like her and care about her a lot. I don't think there is a harm in trying to figure things out and see if it will work and what's more... she feels the same as I do.

Wondergirl · Oct 31, 2010, 01:14 PM

Are you willing to change? Really change? (Your current attitude and behavior, i.e. sarcasm, stupidity, will impact not only this relationship but also all your future ones.)

Wondergirl · Oct 31, 2010, 02:16 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Are you willing to change? Really change? (Your current attitude and behavior, i.e. sarcasm, stupidity, will impact not only this relationship but also all your future ones.)

Hottrodder246 finds this helpful : I absolutely love that you brought this up because in the past I have not tried to fix myself and I ended up blaming it on the girl and just kind of said screw it. Obviously, none of those relationships worked out. This is probably the biggest issue

Okay. Where can we go with this? (Notice I said "we." We'll help.)

Hottrodder246 · Oct 31, 2010, 02:19 PM

Half my answer got cut off for some reason, but anyway what I said was that her and I spoke about this and it was one of the bigger issues. I think my problem was that I was so used to being single and hanging with my guy friends that I was used to saying those remarks. She doesn't like them and I respect her 100%, so I'm willing to not say stuff like that. But I am definitely willing to work on that and change, I don't mind.

Wondergirl · Oct 31, 2010, 02:23 PM

Originally Posted by Hottrodder246

half my answer got cut off for some reason, but anyways what i said was that her and I spoke about this and it was one of the bigger issues. I think my problem was that I was so used to being single and hanging with my guy friends that I was used to saying those remarks. She doesnt like them and I respect her 100%, so I'm willing to not say stuff like that. But i am definitely willing to work on that and change, I dont mind.

Your answer got cut off because you responded in the Comment field (limited) instead of in the Answer field (nearly unlimited).

Yup, guys will talk that way with each other, but we girls are dainty creatures who want conversation to be polite and gentle and sweet.

So how are you going to work on that and change?

Hottrodder246 · Oct 31, 2010, 02:39 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Your answer got cut off because you responded in the Comment field (limited) instead of in the Answer field (nearly unlimited).

Yup, guys will talk that way with each other, but we girls are dainty creatures who want conversation to be polite and gentle and sweet.

So how are you going to work on that and change?

O thanks for the tip.

I think I just need to watch what I say around her. She keeps telling me all she wants to see is progress, that I'm working on it. Easier said than done though, any tips?

Wondergirl · Oct 31, 2010, 02:47 PM

How about making her part of it. If you misspeak, make a boo-boo in how you talk, you and she will have a signal to remind you that you are changing and that you misspoke.

Would she like that? (Women usually like to be part of reforming men.) If so, what could the best signal be? A pat on your forearm wouldn't be obvious to anyone, but you might misread it. When my family back home noticed crumbs or food smears on another family member's face or lips, the signal word was, "Lunch." Then the person knew to wipe his mouth or check in a mirror. Maybe you and she could have a signal word like that?

Hottrodder246 · Oct 31, 2010, 02:50 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

How about making her part of it. If you misspeak, make a boo-boo in how you talk, you and she will have a signal to remind you that you are changing and that you misspoke.

Would she like that? (Women usually like to be part of reforming men.) If so, what could the best signal be? A pat on your forearm wouldn't be obvious to anyone, but you might misread it. When my family back home noticed crumbs or food smears on another family member's face or lips, the signal word was, "Lunch." Then the person knew to wipe his mouth or check in a mirror. Maybe you and she could have a signal word like that?

That sounds like a good idea, I will run it by her :)

Wondergirl · Oct 31, 2010, 02:53 PM

I'm betting she will LOVE the idea of helping you change! Be sure to let me know what she says. (You can mention my name to her, if you like. In fact, she might want to register for this site and give us her personal feedback. Hee hee. It could be like a research project.)

Hottrodder246 · Oct 31, 2010, 06:12 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I'm betting she will LOVE the idea of helping you change! Be sure to let me know what she says. (You can mention my name to her, if you like. In fact, she might want to register for this site and give us her personal feedback. Hee hee. It could be like a research project.)

So I spoke to her about the idea and she seemed pretty enthusiastic about it, only thing left to do is give it a try and see what happens

Wondergirl · Oct 31, 2010, 07:35 PM

This will be a cooperative effort. You will be on your best behavior, so that will keep you mindful of what you need to do to stay in her good graces. Meanwhile, she will be on her toes, listening for you to go off track and will be proud of you when she doesn't have to signal you. Both of you are invested and participants in a good outcome.

Just out of curiosity, what signal did you two decide on?

Hottrodder246 · Oct 31, 2010, 07:56 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

This will be a cooperative effort. You will be on your best behavior, so that will keep you mindful of what you need to do to stay in her good graces. Meanwhile, she will be on her toes, listening for you to go off track and will be proud of you when she doesn't have to signal you. Both of you are invested and participants in a good outcome.

Just out of curiosity, what signal did you two decide on?

You this is going to take some effort on both parts but like I said, I am more than willing to put in my part.

And we decided to have her start calling me by my middle name lol

Wondergirl · Oct 31, 2010, 07:58 PM

Wow! This will be so much fun! I can't wait to hear how it's going. You will report back to us, won't you?

(What's your middle name?)

Hottrodder246 · Oct 31, 2010, 08:03 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Wow! This will be so much fun! I can't wait to hear how it's going. You will report back to us, won't you?

(What's your middle name?)

My middle name is Paul, very different from my first lol and yes I will let you know how everything goes :) thanks for the advice!

Wondergirl · Oct 31, 2010, 08:08 PM

That's my husband's middle name too. If this works for you, I will give your girlfriend a list, and she can do the same with my husband.