[Cat1864]

This may be a bit harsh.

How long are you going to enable her behavior? Why are you staying around to enable her behavior?

Where is she getting the two beers she drinking a night? Why aren't you tossing out any alcohol that comes into the house?

She has a drinking problem. Period. You're making excuses like you are accusing your uncle of doing if you think the color or type makes a difference.

You took her to the 'bad side of town' for coke and got beaten and robbed, but blame her because 'she made me'. You made a choice that you seem to know was a bad one to make.

Sorry, you have to take responsibility for your actions and get out. Staying is only keeping the problem going and growing. You can't 'fix' her and building up resentment against her when you know you should have gotten out months ago doesn't help either one of you.

Let her go to figure out that rock bottom hurts. Give yourself permission to let go and move on.

[mizztazzy]

Comment on Homegirl 50's post
The fact that you did not "beat her down" because your were worrying about getting arrested speaks volumes...

What do u mean by that statement? That I should have? I know its irrelevant now, but just wondering

Comment on Cat1864's post
I agree. Only reason I did not leave was that I was afraid she would commit suicide as she always says she hates her life, and when they put her in jail, she also tried to bite her wrists trying to get through to a vein. But it makes perfect sense

[justcurious55]

Comment on Homegirl 50's post
He fact that you did not "beat her down" because your were worrying about getting arrested speaks volumes...

What do you mean by that statement? That I should have? I know its irrelevant now, but just wondering

When I read that, my first thought was that you shouldn't be considering beating her down period. You shouldn't need the fear of being arrested to stop you. It shouldn't even be entering your mind. That's not how people in healthy relationships think. People in healthy relationships don't think "i'd better not hit her because i might get arrested" it's more along the lines of "i would never hit her because i respect her, i love her, and hitting people is just plain and simple wrong"

[Homegirl 50]

what do u mean by that statement? That i should have? I know its irrelevant now, but just wondering



Why would you have even considered it? The reason you didn't should have been because you don't hit women.

[talaniman]

what do u mean by that statement? That i should have? I know its irrelevant now, but just wondering

Are you saying if you could get away with it without paying consequences, you would have hit her??

I hope that's not what you meant!!

[mizztazzy]

I;m not saying a man or woman "deserves" to be hit at ANYTIME... except, during the time of her drunken stupor when she bit to the point where my flesh was showing... and Still is(because its layers and layers of skin missing) .A drunken person THAT drunk doesn't know what's going on. If the police are late arriving, if u can't hold them down... then man or woman, you can use a glass bottle across the head to knock them out... They may thank you later is all I'm saying

Sometimes, you have to use self defense so that you are not harmed. If it comes between me and someone else with regards to My life and survival... Then, I chose ME... and that should not by any means sound selfish

[Cat1864]

So long story short, I took my girlfriend of 7 years out with me to hang with some friends of mine. She had quite a bit too much to drink.

It's getting awkard. she's now drinks at least 2 beers a night. I will say this: She only gets crazily violent when she drinks "dark liquor" which is why she doesnt drink it. The night of her drunk stupor, she had a blackout and didnt remember drinking dark liquor....although she did according to my friends that kept buying rounds of shots.

I get a bit concerned when a person's story seems to be changing. You took her out with you the night of the 'blackout/bite', but you didn't see/know what she was drinking? Your friends told you what she was drinking when she didn't remember?

There are a lot of problems in this relationship and I don't know if you have admitted all of them to yourself. It really doesn't matter because it all comes back to getting out before things get even worse and you do end up 'defending' yourself to the point of someone ending up dead.

[slapshot_oi]

There's a lot in this thread. I quickly skimmed over a few lines. I read the story about you getting bit, her getting shattered and having to go to AA, her getting cuffed and thrown in jail, something about pics of a naked guy on her phone and accused you of cheating, and then having you go with her to score blow.. . That was enough for me.

I agree with your friends in that she may actually kill you. This girl is a sad story but it ain't your problem. She made the choices that lead to her becoming a complete mess and is dragging you down with her; it's time to cut your losses pal.

This isn't even a traditional relationship. It's a parasite/host relationship.

Pack your stuff and leave, don't even say goodbye. She's not worth it.

[justcurious55]

I;m not saying a man or woman "deserves" to be hit at ANYTIME.....except, during the time of her drunken stupor when she bit to the point where my flesh was showing.......and Still is(because its layers and layers of skin missing) .A drunken person THAT drunk doesnt know whats going on. If the police are late arriving, if u can't hold them down...then man or woman, you can use a glass bottle across the head to knock them out.....They may thank you later is all I'm saying

sometimes, you have to use self defense so that you are not harmed. If it comes between me and someone else with regards to My life and survival........Then, I chose ME.....and that should not by any means sound selfish

Are you serious? Self defense is one thing. Knocking someone over the head with a glass bottle is another. You know you could kill someone doing that depending on just where exactly you hit them and how hrd it was? You both have serious issues and are both obviously in need of professional therapy.

[vanheart]

Agree.

[vanheart]

Both of you guys need help.

But you first. (as it should be)

You know this isn't right by now. Otherwise you wouldn't be here. Lots of addiction & obsessive & dangerous behavior. Abusive, criminal.
And you are half of this issue.

Can't believe you are still with her, actually. She isn't into changing or understand consequence. That's what happens when alcohol clouds reality.

Im sure you know.

If I were you, I would get out of this now. Don't worry about what she thinks, or will potentially do. Same with apartments, family & whatever else is going to sway you.

Get away & disappear. Then spend some time in therapy. However you choose. Sober up.

Change this before it gets any worse.

Get back to reality. Then learn from this.

[mizztazzy]

Thank you for all your replies. It has helped a lot. Its weird because my family does not want me to end this relationship mainly because they don't think she has a drinking problem. They basically see it as a night where I took her to a college town know for their drinking excessively, and exposed her to it. They feel that she didn't control her amount of drinking, and because of this she had a black out. They also feel that people who are social drinkers who are Not alcoholics have at least had ONE blackout in their lifetime, or maybe 2.

They also feel that If I chose to go back to the relationship, I should not be telling her "either you quit drinking or im gone". They feel like if this was happening every month or day, etc then yes they would say it was a problem, but because this incident involved her going all and out on liquor, this is why it happened.

She told my family she felt isolated at the bar, because I was catching up with one of my friends(his brother had committed suicide the week before). Apparently, to feel non-alone, she began to drink and drink, dancing with people, then did something that got her and the rest of us kicked out. She's also said that I've done things to her in the past like lie(which I did before when we first met), and she forgave me, so why can't I just let this incident go. She's forging her own signatures on the AA papers as part of probation, because she's not comfortable spilling out all her beans to other alcoholics, and calling herself that

This is getting weird folks. I don't know WHY I'm in this confused state.

[Homegirl 50]

I have never blacked out from drinking. The only time I drink is socially and only on occasion.
I have a glass of wine in the evening, but I have never passed out or come remotely close to it.
I don't do drunk Period.
Do your parents drink?

At ant rate your relationship is volatile and creepy and if for no other reason than that, you ought to call it quits.

[talaniman]

Leave her alone, and tell your family to adopt her butt, if they miss her so much. If they do, leave them ALL alone.

You know what's the truth, so don't give in to anyone's else's spin, or DENIAL.

[justcurious55]

Is she dating you or your family?

Your family has no business taking her side and are only enabling her problem. You need to do what's best for you and that's getting out of this relationship.

[talaniman]

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to justcurious55 again.

I agree 1000%! She can pay for her own actions not YOU! Leave her alone, or go down with her.

[mizztazzy]

Thank you all for your replies. I have left the situation. I do feel bad because she isn't drinking as much anymore, but other than the drinking, she is struggling financially as I've always spent the night at her apartment daily. She got offered a TV news position an hour away and she may be moving there to take the position. I don't know why I feel this way about caring and not wanting her to struggle. Someone you were with for almost 7 years, and definitely don't want to see them struggle with bills, rent, etc.

There are many times I feel this overwhelming sense of guilt

[justcurious55]

You've done the right thing. You have nothing to feel guilty for.

[mizztazzy]

I'm so sick and tired of my friends saying, "dude your an idiot, why r u sorry"?, No U bastard! YOU'RE an idiot because you have no sympathy for people.

The thing with me is I've been raised Biblically, to be Long-Suffering, Kind, etc. I have people telling me, if you are dating someone with a Mental Illness, you are like the punk... "when it gets tough, you split...cowards do that....If you were married, what about the I do until death do us part?"

Then I'm told, if your girlfriend has a drinking problem, "why not go to ALNON?" But then when I tell them domestic violience occurred when drinking, they say, "if you go to ALNON it will handle that". I thought ALNON was an excellent program ONLY IF your SAFETY is not INVOLVED!

I'm sick of being sick and tired... sometimes you don't know what's right and what's not. This is getting a bit overwhelming. I feel like whatever positive that I'm doing, I'm ENABLING the situation

[vanheart]

All you need to know is that you are doing the right thing by getting away from this abuse.

Don't waste your time on hypotheticals or what others think.

If you feel guilty, that's OK. Doesn't mean that you are cold hearted.

We can't fix other people. Especially if they don't want fixing.

Your life will be better. Give it time. Don't stress. We can only learn from our experiences.

Try to be more aware & look out for the next time.

Therapy or AA, may not be a bad idea for you.