[saloom]

we were in love and we worked togother in an association , his father become an embassador and he left the country with his father to africa to work there , we still in contact in the phone and skype a lot and after a year of being there he told me one night that he wants to be a friend because he doesn't want me to be hurt for he is out and I am 24 and may have better person .

I said that I can't because its difficult to be friend after love , but he began to lose control and I said that every one must see his own life .

after a month and a half he send to me a message in the email about the eid and the message was confusing because there is a lot of love words and expressions but I didn't reply .

after two weeks he chat me and he still have my email and say hi saloom how are you and began speakto me gently but I was so sad and didn't reply in a well manner then I said to him that I have to do and he was sad .

francly because I love him I can't ask him why he come back ?

after a week also he chat me and I was happy and spoke kindly and he said to me that I must be happy to talk to him but I said its doesn't matter anymore ( I am lying of course )

one night I chat him and was very nice and we talked a lot about our work and that I am travelling to india then he became rude and refused and said you are a girl and you can't travel alone and I felt he became ( jelous )

any way then he always be online and doesn't talk to me or ignore me
and my birthday came but he ignored it I don't know why ? This is the first time he forgot

now I am confued if he try to have me again and is he sad and angry of me and try to show me that he is sad ?

what shall I do ?
he always around me on the email and makes me feel guilt about our relation

but after all why he came back ?

I have all the qualities that any lady wants ( educated , beautiful , strong and have self confident , have a great sense of humor )

and these things make me sooo unavailable and have self_esteem

please help me by answers if you can

I will be so thankfull

best wishes
saloom

[talaniman]

Where is this thing going? How long is this distance between you going to last? I am not sure what either of you is really trying to do, or hold on to? What's in the future?

[answerme_tender]

Why would you want someone in you life that show so little respect for you. Its sound like he only contacts you when he doesn't have another woman in his life that is with distance to him.
Don't let him use you like this. Read the No contact rules on this site and follow them. Go out with friends and start meeting new men. There is a man out there that is just waiting for a good woman to really love. Good luck

[saloom]

Thanks to both of you

I am asking you because I have no answers at all

But he met my parents in jordan because my mum was ill
He is close to my family and I am a friend to his

And I am speaking about the last line about our relationship
I refused to be friends so I want to be lovers and get married because after that in our sociaty we must be married
I mean if he give me a promise he can't cut it

I want from him to be close to me because this means he love me and every man loves a woman he will commit , isn't it ?

Note :

His reason why he left me because he can't forget his first love who is married now and have a baby
So there is no hope to come back to her

But is he doing this
Can't choose well
He can't take decision about me

He said that he loves me a lot and I am the suitable girl then he said he prefer to be friends so what ?

Why he wants that while he can leave me at all ?
Because I told him see your own life and left him and he agreed
So why he came back ?
What can I ask him and what to do ?

Thanks a lot again

[saloom]

today morning he chat me again and talked to me as if he didint say any thing before about being apart
we laughted togother and he said that he is sorry about not calling me in my birthday and said that he knew that i was sad but i have a good brain and there must be an execuse for him

hey answerme_tender
thanks for you

but believe me iam not trying to make someone respect me

you know iam a teacer of english and everyone tries hard to be with me because iam so loveble

what i want is that i want to make the situation better between us not more than that

to remain a good reputition about our relationship

and to make sure that love is some where

thanks

[talaniman]

Unless he does a lot more than he is doing now, you can only see him as a friend, and nothing more.

And as a friend, then you should be able to talk about what the future may hold, and stop beating around the bush about it.

Maybe he is still heart broken, and needs a friend, and time to heal his heart, I don't know, but he isn't ready for what you want, and may never be, to be honest with you.

[saloom]

i dont how to thank you anserme_tender

because you made me feel better

but to that extent may love do ???

i know that he is a broken hearted and he told me that frankly and said all his story to me and i accepted the situation and try to make him forget hopfully

may he feel better with me if iam just a friend ?

may he change his attitudes about our relationship ?

because as you know we are still with each other

this is my fate maybe to meet a guy who is in love with another woman !!!

i hope the good will come .

you can comment i liked it

thanks

[answerme_tender]

Saloom,

I know the desperate feelings that you are going through. You love this man so much and would do anything to keep him in your life. But, I can tell you as honestly as I can, that by trying to trap him into marriage would only be committing yourself into an emotional pain that you have yet to suffer.
I know that you believe that you would have him to yourself for rest of your life, and that once he is your husband, that he would eventually fall in love with you, especially after you would give him a child.
Unfortuantely that would not happen. This is a man who isn't in love with you. Doesn't want to marry you. Once trapped, those feelings of like would only turn to hate and loathing. He would spend the rest of his life cheating on you and making sure you life was living misery. I could also see him making sure every child you bore him knew how their mother had to trap him into marriage and deserved no respect from them. He would let him family know to show no respect to you as in your culture you gave yourself to him as a un-wed woman only to force him into marriage.
You more then anyone knows what is acceptable in your culture, are you willing to lose face to force this man who doesn't love you into marriage. Only you can make this choice, but this man will be your judge and jury while on this earth!
Please keep us posted, I wish you very best in life, and am sorry you have to go through this, just remember that no one can take our pride, but sadly sometimes we give it away.

[talaniman]

Even he cannot know how he will feel when he has properly healed in time from his hurt and disappointment, to get his head together. If you help him as a friend, he may be grateful, but may not be the life partner you seek, and you can only be a rebound to make him feel better than he would without you.

For sure he is a lousy marriage potential for any one now, so protect your heart, because he may NOT intend to hurt you, that's what usually happens with rebounds. Give him time and space and see what happens later, and look around and do your thing and enjoy better options and opportunities for happiness that are around you.

Talaniman Rule- When they need space, give it to them, and disappear from their lives. This allows you to heal.
Whether he knows it or NOT, he does need time and space, and a few friends, not lovers.

Talaniman Rule- Never get involved with someone who has just been dumped.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18- 80, blind, cripple or crazy.

[saloom]

hey answerme_tender you understood me wrongly
its not like that

iam saying that he loves me and we spoke about marrige and he isnt ready now just because he is working abroad , not anything else
and his love story was finished from along time

he respects me more than you think and he hope to have me and his family visits us and he himself introduced me to his family
and he himself visited mine in jordan without forcing like you think

iam far from him now after he said we must be friends and i played hard to get to make him heal and to see if he really wants me back

and thats happened
after a month he called me more than one time and i was unavailable
i told him that we must be apart and he refuses because he is very COMFORTABLE with me
and when he came bake to me he began to tell me about his life as if we didnt talk for years

his actions are clear and i gave him another chance
and because i know that he needs me iam unavailable

iam not playing
now it is his turn to tack me back

thanks for your response
you are a helpful man

answerme_tender
with my respect

[saloom]

talaiman

he left me healing after he said about our relationship to be friends and didnt look back

and after sometime i began to enjoy my life with my friends and go out and felt better frankly

and when i began to forget him and live my own life in my work and with my family , he came back !!

for what ?? hah ?

he has no execuses at all to interfear in my life again trying ti return the relation as before
i dont know as friends or lovers ??

but i talked to him in a rude manner but no way he want me back !!

what can i do and how can i deal with this difficult situation ?

may i leave him heal becuase of another relationship with me ? or pretending that iam his friend ?

its difficult in both sides

if you have answers for my questions , just answer me

abig thanks for you

[talaniman]

What's stopping you from just being friends, and forgetting the romance? I don't understand why him coming back and forth, in and out of your life, raises so many questions if you are just friends who see each other, and communicate, every now and then? He travels comes back gets in touch, leaves. Why does this cause you so much confusion? Is that not what friends do?

If you cannot deal with a friendship with him, without questioning his intentions, and motives, why not just end the friendship in the first place, and then he will stay out of your life. Is it your feelings, and not his that's the cause of this confusion? Where is this confusion coming from? Is it YOU who need more healing time?

If his presence keep stirring up old feelings, and has YOU wanting more, than just being friends, then stop the contact.

[saloom]

If his presence keep stirring up old feelings, and has YOU wanting more, than just being friends

yes talaniman its exactly the case

i dont like this friendship at all and i told him that

so why he esists ??? i can't understand like you

and iam too shy and worry about asking him that question ( what do you want from me ?) or ( why you came back ?)

there is someting in my heart refuses to ask him which is love

and you know that its hard to be a friend after being in love >>>

is friendship means to go in and out of my life while in love is not like that ?

because of that iam trying to know his intentions and motives !! because i feel more than friendship


i know iam confusing and everyone heard my story is confused with me

believe me or not ( iam trying to fix it and i can deal with my own situation )

iam a strong woman hhhhhh
thanks alot for you