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chick_lit · Oct 11, 2010, 09:45 PM

I've been dating this guy for 7 months, he is awesome in every way. He cares about me and is sportive. I dare to say I love him, but he will not have sex with me. In the 7 months that we have been dating we have only had sex 3 times but do other things 3 or 4 times a week. I was a virgin before I met him and he had only slept with one person before me.

I have talked to him about it on several occasions and he told me its because he's scared of getting me pregnant. I am on the pill and we use condoms so there is little to no chance of me getting pregnant. I also told him about the plan B pill etc and his reply was "girls can change there minds". I've looked everywhere for answers because his doesn't make sense. I'm scared to even ask for it now because I feel ugly and disgusting when he rejects me. Should I just give up and let him come around when he's ready?

I don't want to break up with him I still want to try so that's not the answer I am looking for and I know he isn't cheating on me!

Cat1864 · Oct 12, 2010, 05:21 AM

How old are you?

smoothy · Oct 12, 2010, 05:38 AM

Second that.. how old are you.

Besides... your comment... "little to NO chance."...

Well using both the answer is little... the ONLY way there is EVER, NO chance is if you don't do ANYTHING.

chick_lit · Oct 12, 2010, 12:40 PM

We are both in our 20's

chick_lit · Oct 12, 2010, 01:00 PM

The only thing that I have heard that makes any sense is that there was some emotional insest going on during his childhood. This makes sense because his father left them when he was younger and with an emotionally Unstable mother she kind of screwed him over in the sex department... As well as many other departments. I think this is the real reason but I am just looking for any other suggestions you might have. Also I was hoping for ways to help him over come his supposed fear of getting me pregnant.

smoothy · Oct 12, 2010, 01:09 PM

Maybe he has known girls in the past that tried to get pregnant to tie him down...

Yes, t here ARE women like that... I've known more than a few... and dated a couple as well.

At least you HAVE spoken with him. Remember its not always WHAT you ask... but HOW you ask it.

You aren't going to overcome his fear of getting you pregnant... because the reality is it does happen... often enough we have several members here that were using THREE forms of birth control correctly and still got pregnant. Statistics can't be argued.

Its clear HE doesn't feel ready to settle down IF that should happen.

Cat1864 · Oct 12, 2010, 02:08 PM

He is the one who has to go for help if he recognizes and feels the need. You can't help with that part.

As for the pregnancy issue, Smoothy has already covered that multiple contraceptives used correctly can fail. I'll add that the Plan B is not 100% effective and has its own risks. Plus, you don't know what you will do about a pregnancy until you are faced with that choice. (I speak from experience.) So, any promises made now wouldn't necessarily hold up later whether you made them or he did.

If you are feeling like your sex life isn't enough, all you can do is talk to him and try to find a compromise. If you are already compromising with the other things are you doing besides intercourse, then perhaps you need to rethink the relationship. IF what you think about his past is true, he may be using the fear of pregnancy to cover deeper issues that he needs professional help to deal with. He may never be as into intercourse as you want him to be.