[Steelers6]

I'm wondering if anyone might have any advice for a touchy financial situation that I currently find myself in. My father-in-law currently owes my wife and I approx. $13,000. We didn't give him this money all at once, it started slowly at first. My father in law used to be a self-employed saleman who paid for his own insurance. However he had to get a hip replacement and let his insurance payments slip to the point that he approached my wife with the fact that he needed $1,800 to get his insurance current or he was going to have to pay the whole 20k for the operation. Next as winter was arriving he told my wife that he needed $500 or it was going to get very cold in his house as his gas had been turned off. $100 here $200 there for the next few months and then a big slammer a few months later when he needed 7k to save his from foreclosure. My wife and I didn't have this money in our back pocket so we actually had to get a loan for it from my wife's credit union. My wife later confessed that she had lent him an additional 3k without my knowledge. He promised us that he would pay us back and that his first payment each month would be to us, etc, etc. He did make some payments for awhile, however he was never on time and usually short, he would occasionally skip several months. Needless to say things got (and still do) very heated over this, our marriage has definitely suffered from many arguments about this. Never directly with my FIL, just between my wife and me. In all we lent my FIL over 20k over the years. One interesting side note it that my mother in law knows nothing about this and I have been told by my wife that she would never forgive any of us for this if she found out. In addition, I don't address this with my FIL but leave it to my wife to. Many times I have almost said something but I swallow my anger and soldier on. There have been numerous foreclosure attempts and even one sherriff sale thus far. My FIL escaping the sherriff sale by obtaining a loan from 5 friends of in his neighborhood, (which I don't believe he is paying back either). We'll as I mentioned my FIL did pay back about 7k of this over the years but now he is not working anymore and his health is failing. Payments stopped from him about 3 years ago I don't see any more coming now. How they continue to keep a roof over their heads is beyond me as they still owe 70k+ on their house and all they have coming in is their Social Security. Does anyone have any words of wisdom or advise for this situation. I'm at my wit's end.

[JudyKayTee]

I'm not sure what you are asking.

If you are asking whether you can LEGALLY collect from your father in law, what State are you in and when did these loans take place?

If you are asking whether MORALLY you can/should attempt to collect - only you know the family dynamics.

If he files in Bankruptcy you will not be paid; if he dies, you will not be paid. If you take him to Court and can't prove your case, you won't be paid.

If your question is how to recover your money and remain on good terms with him it sounds like you don't think that is possible.

On the other hand if you tell your mil (or anyone else) about the situation it sounds like he doesn't have the means to repay you and you would gain nothing but hard feelings.

Is that what you are asking?

[Fr_Chuck]

1. first and foremost, stop giving them any money, let them find out what happens if they don't have it,

2. if you do ever have to give more, everyone should know, no more secrets

3. if you actually want to be paid back ( not that I think you will be) you write out a loan document and have them sign it , stating how much they owe, and how much a month they will pay you.

4, if they don't pay, you sue them in court.

But most likely you are going to forget it, have hard feelings for the rest of your life but then that is just what normally happens.

[Steelers6]

All good points chuck. I guess I have to come to grips with losing this money and somehow not hate my FIL in the process.

[JudyKayTee]

I don't know about hate but I'd sure be filled with resentment!

You are the classic middle generation - parents on one side, kids on the other.

And I think you're out money. Let us know if/how this resolves itself. Sad all the way around.

[twinkiedooter]

Your FIL sounds like the classic case of rob Peter to pay Paul and could care less just who pays his bills for him and bails him out of the next mess. Try to steer clear of him. I'm really scratching my head wondering if the MIL really has any inkling just how they keep a roof over their heads on their limited income. Is she really that dumb and "innocent" of these matters? Probably not unless she's deaf, dumb and blind and listens totally to the hogwash of the FIL and buys it hook, line and sinker.

In hindsight it's easy to say don't give them any more money but you know in your heart you'll never be paid and the wishful thinking of when they pass on and sell the house you'll get your money back. What about the other folks who lent him money? How did you find out about them? Didn't you pipe up and tell them YOU are already owed a small fortune by this dead beat and don't waste your good credit on this guy but let him live within his means instead? I know I would have had I known about the "next bunch of suckers" coming down the lane with oodles of cash in their hands just waiting for FIL to filch.