[anamika_123]

I am facing,the same problem. We ( I and My Huband) are staying in our own house but my husband's parents frequently come and stay here for quite long time and in this period she acts in front on him as she is his caretaker and she only loves him and he is still 3 years old. She feeds him with her hands and order me as if I am her maid servant but In front of my husband she says that she cares for me as her own daughter. My husband keeps busy in his work but in weekends he enjoys most of his time with his parents instead of me. We argue a lot on this but he never understands my feelings and thinks as I want to create distance between him and his mother. His mother is a very dramatic lady and does not like me at all. She says so many negative things for me to him so that he starts thinking negative about me and she is getting success in this. I and my husband love each other a lot but somehow we are not abe to stay happily together. The reason is his mom but he does not understand this. In fact he thinks his mom is the closest to him and best in the world and I am not good one. Please advise me how to attract my husband and how to become important to him more than his mom. How to stay happily together!

[Jake2008]

She feeds your husband with her hands? What the heck is that all about. Why does he allow that. Does he need regular diaper changes too? Does he hop in her bed when he has a bad dream?

Of course I'm being sarcastic here, but for a grown man to allow his mother to treat him in such a manner, is the biggest problem here. Not his mother, but him.

She tells your husband she loves you like a daughter. But you are not her daughter. You are her daughter in law. There is a big difference between the two. Her disregard for you in your own home, is again, not her, it is more why do YOU allow this, in YOUR home. Do you ever speak up for yourself?

What's with the frequent visits that have them overstay their welcome, and why do they take over your life while they are there. Why is she so dominant, and you are so subserviant.

I am really at a loss to even begin to offer advice here, as you complain a lot, but at the same time you can clearly state the problem, but don't do anything about it.

I would suggest that you and your husband attend marriage counselling, so that you can at least have the opportunity to vent your frustrations over this situation you are in, and receive help and guidance in how to put a stop to it. Your husband needs to be on the same page, and be willing to grow up and set some basic boundaries with his mother.

[talaniman]

Maybe you have come to a place when you should stop going along with every little thing and voice your opinions and feelings with an intimate talk with your husband, so you both can establish person boundaries of good behavior between you.

While I believe he should always respect and love his mother, NOT at your expense. This is a process of communications over time and requires a lot of patience and commitment by you both, and respect, because communications is not just about talking to your partner, but listening and understanding also. I think most of your problem is a bit of jealousy that he spends so much time with his own parents, but you feel second.

I would also suggest you do things on your own with out him, like see your own family and friends and enjoy yourself.

Talk to him, not nag at him, and if he listens, things may change.