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littlegmoney · Sep 22, 2010, 10:45 AM

My man and I have been together well over a year and a half, we have a baby together, and we live at my mothers house for now. We used to argue like normal couples but suddenly, this past few weeks he has been acting different. He says I'm *****y, he starts fights with my, constantly argues, drinks a lot, lies, but tells me he loves me and butters me up when he is drunk, things were good but now he fights with me and tells me he doesn't want to be with me but he doesn't try to leave me, he doesn't kiss me or tell me he loves me, we don't go on dates, I feel so under appreciated and used. Maybe we need time apart for a bit since we see each other every day or maybe its time to cut my losses? Or maybe there is more to what is bothering him and we should try to talk?

adam_89 · Sep 22, 2010, 11:17 AM

Maybe a break would be a good idea. You should suggest it. I just recently took a break with my girlfiend and it was exactly what I needed. Things are like new again and amazing.

Enigma1999 · Sep 22, 2010, 12:14 PM

Hello Little,

The fact that you asked "maybe there is more to what is bothering him and we should try to talk?" tells me that you haven't talked to him about it. I think that you two should sit down and talk and even consider counseling.

The fact that you two have a baby together, I would try to talk to him. Get to the root of what is bothering him. No yelling, just talking.

Is this something that you are comfortable with?

littlegmoney · Sep 22, 2010, 01:03 PM

I agree with both of you and thanks! Enigma: I have not talked to him about what is bothering him but I did read on a site about counseling and how to do it at home and pretty much it said to be calm, to take 10 minutes a day and talk. Eye contact and body language is important and affection so I want to try and see if he will sit down and work it out since we usually have no trouble working things out, its just this week he is really being immature and trying to blame me for everything. He also has two jobs and no car so that plus money is very stressful now but I think there is def something more to it.
Adam: I was thinking if talking and whatnot didn't work, I def need a break for a few days, I always feel like he drops our son on me and runs to go hang out and drink any chance he can but he is 28, its time to grow up and focus on our son and family. There isn't anything wrong with wanting to have fun but not if he is the only one having it. I'm pretty sure I want a break from him but time to talk, we will see what happens tonight I guess! Thanks for the advice.

answerme_tender · Sep 22, 2010, 01:35 PM

Sounds like you are both under a lot of pressure. Being married with a child and very little money is hard. Have you tried getting a part time job, is there family member that can watch baby or is there day care close by. This will help you to be able get out of house and be with adults and maybe out with bringing in small amount of money to household. Maybe on nights you know he likes to go out, try and see if you can get a friend to babysit and be ready when he gets home so he knows that you want to be with him, I know its cost money, but you could just drink a soda or ice tea. Good luck when you talk to him tonight, remember stay calm.

talaniman · Sep 22, 2010, 02:13 PM

You stay at your moms house, and he works two jobs, and you need a break? Not to be harsh but more details of your day at your moms house, with one child would help me understand more about your situation, because if I worked two jobs to come home to a wife, baby, and a mother in law, I would be looking for a break myself.

I think that at 28 his way of doing things doesn't meet your approval, and your way of doing things doesn't meet his, so if you want to work together, you have to talk, and listen together. You may not resolve anything right away, but maybe you will learn how to talk to each other. I think with the stresses, situation, and behaviors, that's what's missing most. Lack of communications with each other. That's a process to be sure that may require some patience.

littlegmoney · Sep 22, 2010, 04:43 PM

talaniman: you are absolutely right, however, its not exactly work, he has one real job that he does 4 days a week and gets paid and the other "job" is hanging out at his friends tattoo shop. He is supposed to be apprenticing but only so much work can get done if people come in to get work done you know? My mom is never home and he does nothing to help around the house, I do everything for him and I can't understand how he has NO sense of responsibility whatsoever. Up till he moved out of his mommas house when we started dating, she even did his dishes! So I can see why he doesn't do much, he never had too but I'm not his mother. However there is a big age difference between us so I agree with not seeing eye to eye I want to understand him better but its hard when he tries everything to go be lazy and mooch of his friends. He even disappears sometimes and I never know where he is. Maybe if he comes home tonight I can try to talk to him, that is if I don't fall asleep first, having a 7 month old is exhausting.

littlegmoney · Sep 22, 2010, 04:44 PM

Thanks :) I actually just applied for a job I think it will help if I can carry my own weight when it comes to the time to get our own place.

littlegmoney · Sep 22, 2010, 04:45 PM

Also, its tough for me to find a sitter, he never has money, he blows it on cigarettes, gas for my car and booze.

littlegmoney · Sep 22, 2010, 04:45 PM

However I think this weekend we may be able to get out, and if not then I know I need too! :)

talaniman · Sep 22, 2010, 06:09 PM

Have you no friends or family? What's the age difference as 28 is very young to me, so does that make you very, very, young? I hear you about a 7 month old though, and agree. I suspect your biggest problem is your isolated and need some stress relief yourself.

It takes a female about a year to heal from giving life, but that's just my opinion, but not only has the body been through a lot, but the emotions also. So why is your mom never at home?

littlegmoney · Sep 23, 2010, 05:42 AM

Eh I don't have to many friends who arnt busy with work. My family is extremely split down the middle and my mom is always at work or at appointments. Im actually 21 so big age difference here lol but I have known my man since I was 10, he was a friend of my older sisters. You really hit the nail on the head and I couldn't explain it better! I am extremely isolated and lonely and he told me its hard to say I love you to someone who is bi*chy all the time but for real I am a huge emotional hormonal mess, pregnancy and childbirth is a HUGE strain on me, I didn't get this bad till after post pardum depression hit me like a ton of bricks and he just doesn't understand he thinks I use it as an excuse.

TaylorxD · Sep 23, 2010, 05:52 AM

I think he might be stressed out, nothings wrong with you he just needs some time of his own, sit him down and explain to him that you ll need a break, I hope it all works out

answerme_tender · Sep 23, 2010, 07:13 AM

Glad to hear about you getting a job. It won't be easy working and raising a child, but believe me you aren't the first and you won't be last. This will help build some independence for yourself. Are there something's that you can do as a couple that doesn't involve drinking? You are both young, but again a lot of us were young when we started our families and we all had to some growing up and that meant cutting down on the partying. Perhaps there you can get out meet other couples and do something's with them. Good luck on your job!

jmjoseph · Sep 23, 2010, 08:49 AM

Is he drinking like an alcoholic? If so, then he needs to get help, first, before you try to make it work with him.

talaniman · Sep 23, 2010, 01:12 PM

I can remember as a very young father, totally freaking out at the changes that happened to my life after 9 months of a pregnancy and the arrival of our first child. Thank God, I had the support and guidance of parents and a wife who knew what she was doing.

It occurred to me reading your response that maybe that's what you both need at this time, the firm guiding hand to give you both some direction at this time, him, maybe an older more experienced male, and you, an older more experienced female. It stands out that your mom, who would fill that role is unavailable to you, and you have no friends to lean on, and unfortunately, he is of NO HELP! Tough situation to be in for you bot.

Young Parents Support

I think this link may steer you to others like you, so you will see at least your not alone, and there are many who are struggling with this situation. You have done well in reaching out here, and I suspect it may be just a beginning for you.

Frankly, I would prefer you stay home and heal, while you bond with your child, but get out into the fresh air and go to the park, or somewhere you can meet others if only for a few minutes and actually interact with good human beings like yourself.

Maybe a neighbor, or a local gathering spot for new mothers, just to start you getting back in the groove of daily life outside your 4 walls.

Don't take on too much, too soon, without talking to your doctor, and letting him know everything, not just about your body health, but your mind health as well.

As for him, unless his dad gives him a wake up smack up side his head (been there done that, but I was lucky that way), he will have to learn things the hard way. But for now, your mission should you accept it, is to take care of you and your baby.

Its NOT your job to raise him, so lead by example, so at least you can STOP *****ing to him, and take care of YOURSELF.

answerme_tender · Sep 23, 2010, 01:33 PM

Talaniman as usual great advice

Enigma1999 · Sep 23, 2010, 02:34 PM

I just want to add that we all stress out from time to time, some more than others. Also there are a lot of young people who have babies. However, this baby is an innocent life that needs and DESERVES love and support. You seem as if you are doing the right thing, however he needs to quit acting like a child and quit going to the bottle when ever stressed out. Take care of this angel. Good luck.